Downward Spiral
by famous99
Summary: Sequel to Acceptance. After Ryan has settled into the Cohen family and a new baby is born, Seth has a hard time coping.
1. Prologue

_This is a companion or sequel to Acceptance__.  The first couple of chapters may be slow, but bear with me.  I think I have a good story in mind.  Enjoy!  And please read and review._ Prologue 

            Sandy grabbed Seth's arm.  They both clenched their strong jaws and eyed each other like animals ready to attack their prey.  Seth's brown eyes turned steely as he tried to wrench free from his father's grasp.  He wanted to shout, kick, and scream like a petulant three-year-old, but he couldn't bring himself to give Sandy the satisfaction.

            "You are not leaving the house like this."

            Seth tugged hard and broke free.  "I'll do what I damn well please."  He turned and headed for the front door.

            Sandy seized him again.  "I'm not going to let this behavior continue."

            Seth grabbed the doorknob, but Sandy had a strong grip and would not let his son budge.

            "Let go," seethed Seth through clenched teeth.

            "I won't let you ruin your life like this."

            "Come on Seth, don't do this." Ryan said as he came into the room and took in the scene before him.  He could hear the shouting all the way upstairs in the baby's nursery.

            "Stay out of this, Ryan," Sandy said quietly.  "This is between me and your brother."

            "I'm out of here."  Seth broke free again and sprinted up the three steps that lead to the front door.

            "No you are not!"  Sandy was quick.  He got to the door before Seth and stood in front of it.  "Get your ass back in the house and park it in the kitchen."

            Ryan would have listened.  Three months earlier, Seth would have listened.  But this Seth, this angry, strung out Seth couldn't care less.  He pushed Sandy to the side with such violence that Sandy stumbled, knocking his head on the wall.  Seth hesitated for a moment, but then yanked the door open and ran out of the house.


	2. The New Kid

Three Months Earlier

            Seth pulled his pillow over his ears trying to muffle the cries of his baby sister.  Christina was little, but she had a powerful set of lungs.  It seemed like she was always wailing and the floor was always creaking as either one of his parents walked the floor with her.  He was starting to become sleep deprived and summer was over.  Labor Day had passed.  School was starting.  It was his senior year.

            The pillow wasn't working so Seth rolled over and glanced at his clock.  He might as well get up, he thought, because he had to be school in two hours to register for classes.  Registration week at Harbor… it wouldn't be as unforgettable as his junior year when Marissa was still in the hospital after her drug overdose in Tijuana and Ryan ditched his entrance exam to rescue her from Julie Cooper's evil clutches.  

Nothing about this year would be the same.  Ryan wasn't just someone living with them anymore.  He was Seth's brother, the adoption having been finalized in early summer.  Seth would not be an outcast, the lone member of the sailing, comic book, and the film preservation clubs.  He had friends for a change, even if they didn't share his interests.  There was Ryan, Marissa and Summer.  Luke wouldn't be there, because he had moved to Portland after his accident.  Not that Seth had ever considered Luke a friend.  Mostly he had tolerated Luke for Ryan's benefit.  Senior Year would definitely be memorable.

Seth sat up and stretched.  Christina had finally quieted down.  He could hear his mom in the other room crooning a lullaby.  His baby sister loved music.  From the time she was a week old, he had softly played some of his music for her.  From Rooney to Ryan's preference Journey.  She would smile and gurgle and act all cute.  It was the version of his sister that he preferred to the one he heard at night.

Dressed in khaki cargo pants and the first clean t-shirt that he found, Seth made his way into the kitchen.  He wasn't sure if he matched and he hadn't combed his hair but as soon as Ryan was ready they could leave to school.  He should have realized Ryan was all set.  He was the early bird in the family.

Ryan sat on the stool at end of the island counter with a cup of coffee in one hand and a newspaper in the other.  Seth noticed the sleepy look in his eyes.  It wasn't as bad as it had been a few months ago, but it was obvious that Christina wasn't only keeping him up.

"Ready for school?" Seth asked.

Ryan shrugged.  "Beats sitting around all day."

"We didn't all sit around this summer.  I did.  You worked."  

Ryan threw Seth one of his looks.  But it was true.  After a couple of weeks of sitting around and driving Kirsten and Sandy crazy, they had relented and allowed Ryan to get a job.  He had worked for Caleb at the Newport Group and while it had been interesting, Ryan had wished that Kirsten had been there to show him around.  

"What **did** you do all summer?"

"Sail.  Read.  Worship the sun."  Seth sighed.  "I'm going to miss it."

"Oh, you can do all those things once school starts.  It's not like you have to work very hard for your grades."

"And you do?" Seth asked with raised brows.  He peered into the fridge and looked for the milk.  He took out a small container that looked like milk, but Ryan stopped him.

"I wouldn't use that milk if I were you."

Seth opened up the container.  "Why not?"

"It's breast milk."

Seth hastily put it back in the fridge, allowing some of the milk to slop over the sides.  "Oh gosh.  Mom has got to label this stuff."

"Seth, milk doesn't come in Glad™ containers."

"Hey, it's early.  My mind is on sleep mode.  I can't start analyzing what's in the fridge.  It's liquid and it's white.  That usually means milk."

Ryan smirked.  "It is milk.  Just not from a cow."

"Are you drinking my breast milk again?"  Kirsten strode into the kitchen her silk robe flying behind her.  She went straight for the coffee maker and asked, "Caffeine free?"

"Uh, no.  Sorry.  I needed the caffeine this morning."

"I know.  We all do."  She poured the coffee into a thermos, rinsed out the pot, and filled it with water.  She took out the decaffeinated coffee and started a new pot.  "I could use some caffeine."

"Up all night?" asked Ryan.

"I think I dozed for a half hour."  She stifled a yawn.  "That little girl does not like to sleep at night."

"She's quiet now," Seth threw in.

"Dad's rocked her to sleep.  As soon as I see the two of you off to school, I'm going back to bed."

"Mom, it's not like we're six-years-old and need to be escorted by hand to our first day of school."

"It's not even our first day," added Ryan.  "It's just orientation.  Go to sleep."

"Ten more minutes won't kill me."  She grabbed a bagel from the basket and sliced it in half.  "Do you have money?  You'll have to submit your senior dues."

"Dad left us a check last night."

"You should take some money for school supplies."

"School supplies?" Seth scoffed.  He turned to Ryan, "I think I want a shiny red pencil case."

"I want one of those big fat pens.  The one with ten different colors."

"Oh don't make fun," cried Kirsten.  "I'm sleep deprived.  You're going to need a notebook or two, some pens, and a backpack."

"The backpacks from last year are fine.  And thanks Mom.  We'll take the money you offer.  If we don't get pens and pencils, at least it'll buy us a cup of coffee."

Kirsten glanced at the clock.  "Okay, stop picking on me and get going."  She threw them keys to the car.  Both teenagers dove to catch it, but they landed in Ryan's hands.  "I expect you both home for dinner," continued Kirsten.  "No later than seven.  You hear?" she called after their receding figures.

Walking on to the Harbor campus didn't feel strange anymore to Ryan.  He had once been so awed by the grounds that were the Harbor school.  His old school in Chino was lucky if it had a hoop with a net but Harbor had Tennis courts, swimming pools and plush ball fields.  There was the student lounge, which had a pool table, arcade games, and a coffee bar.  Going to the Harbor school was like going to a country club with classes.  But it no longer felt strange.  It felt like home.

"Who did you get for homeroom?"  

Ryan and Seth were sitting at one of the outdoor cafeteria tables.  They were waiting for Summer and Marissa who had yet to finish registration.  Marissa was probably done and just hanging out with her best friend, because like Seth and Ryan they all fell into the beginning of the alphabet, while Summer was an R.

Ryan glanced at his program card.  "Tolliver."  He rolled his eyes.  Last year he had fallen asleep in the monotonous history teacher's class.  It was during a period of time that Ryan suffered terribly from nightmares.  "If Christina doesn't keep quiet at night then he's going to start calling home about why I keep falling asleep."

Seth laughed.  "I thought babies were supposed to start sleeping through the night by the time they were Christina's age."

Ryan shook his head.  "I looked it up in one of Kirsten's baby books.  They say there's no right age, but they gradually sleep longer and longer."

"It's killing me man."

"I know.  Me too.  So who do you have for homeroom?"  Ryan asked, changing the subject.

It was Seth's turn to glance down at his program.  He grinned.  "Tolliver."  They grinned and slapped each other five, glad to be sharing at least one class.  "I'll cover for you if you fall asleep."

"And since the sleep problem isn't all mine this year, I'll do the same."

Ryan jumped up.  "I've got to go see the coach.  I'm going to go out for soccer again."

"Okay.  See you later."

And Seth was alone.  He didn't mind it.  It wasn't like the old days, when no one would speak to him, and he felt out of place.  Instead it was a chance for him to get a moment's peace.  He looked around to see who was hanging around and if there was anyone he wanted to talk to, but there were only some jocks loitering at the adjacent table, and Seth made it his businesses to limit his time with jocks.

He lay across the bench attached to the picnic table and closed his eyes against the sun's glare.  He didn't hear anyone approach him, until the looming figure cleared his throat.

"Sorry to bother you," the stranger said, "But I was looking for the administrative building."

Seth opened his eyes and squinted as he took in the figure hovering over him.  The boy was tall and lanky, about Seth's own height, six foot two, with carrot-red hair and dark freckles splotched all over his face.  Seth swung his long legs over the bench and sat up.  

"Up the path and to the right," he said pointing.

"Thanks."

"You new here?" Seth asked, before the boy could walk away.

"Yes."

"Just moved to Newport?"

"Sort of."

"I'm Seth Cohen."

"Mitchell Weider.  Everyone calls me Mitch."

Seth stood.  "I'll walk you if you want."

"Oh – you don't have to do that."

"It's okay.  I'm bored.  My brother went to talk to Coach Snyder and my girlfriend is still registering."  Seth grabbed his bags and started strolling alongside Mitch.  "So how long have you been here in Newport?"

"I've been living here with my dad on and off for three years now.  But my parents decided that I should live with him permanently for my senior year."

"I'm a senior too."

"You've been here long?"

"In Harbor?  Since Pre-K.  But my brother just started last year."

"How come?"

"Long story."  Seth hesitated for a moment and then said, "I guess it's his to tell."

Mitch shrugged.

"You have to meet with Dr. Kim?" asked Seth.

"Yeah.  What's she like?"

"We call her the dragon lady."

Mitch laughed nervously.  "Just what I need."  But despite the nervous laugh, Mitch was relaxed as he walked alongside Seth, comfortable on the strange campus.  He was nothing like Ryan, who had been ill at ease for the first few months at Harbor.

 "Well, we're here," said Seth.

"Thanks.  I appreciate you showing me the way."

"Maybe I'll see you around.  Do you have a schedule yet?"

"Nope not yet.  I'm sure we'll run into each other.  Thanks."  Mitch waved and went into the administrative building.  

Seth stood for a moment, thinking about the new kid, wondering if they had anything in common.  If appearances said anything, then there was a lot to be said.  If it weren't for the red hair and freckles he and Mitch could be twins could be twins.  Mitch had been wearing beige cargo pants and a black t-shirt with "Chaos! Panic! Disorder! My work here is done," in white block letters.  They obviously shared their sense of style and a sense of humor – if the t-shirt said anything.  

Kicking a pebble with his toe, Seth turned around to see if he could find what was taking Summer so long.  Maybe his senior year would be as interesting as the last one.


	3. Truths

Sorry for the long delay.  I wrote three versions of this chapter before I could go on.  I hope you like it…. Read and review.

The first day of school was always tumultuous while everyone busily caught up with their friends for the first time since the beginning of summer.  When Seth walked into his classroom he surveyed the room looking for a familiar friendly face, but saw no one he wanted to talk to.  Except Ryan.  But even Ryan had teammates from the soccer team he hadn't seen during registration week and he was talking to them.  Seth took a seat in the far corner and threw his backpack on the desk next to him, saving it for Ryan.  From the corner of his eye, Seth searched for Mitch, but he wasn't there.

Mr. Tolliver, a thin balding man with a graying beard, walked into the room as soon as the bell rang.  Immediately, the teens scrambled for an empty seat and waited for the first day procedure to begin.  Tolliver didn't waste any time.  He pulled out the attendance sheet, cleared his throat and began calling names.

"Ryan Atwood-Cohen."

            "Here."  Ryan raised his hand.

            "When did you change your name?"  The teacher asked, uncharacteristically raising his eyes from the paper.

            "Beginning of the summer."

            Tolliver furrowed his brows, but didn't push further when Ryan didn't offer to explain.  Seth looked at his brother and wondered why Ryan didn't say anything.  He knew in his gut that Ryan was a private person, but sometimes he just wished that Ryan would shout it from the rooftops.  I'm a Cohen now!  Sometimes Seth wondered how Ryan _really_ felt about the adoption.

            "Seth Cohen."

            "Here."

            "Any relation?" the teacher asked, teasing.

            "As a matter of fact, yes."

            The teacher waited for an explanation, but none came.  A nervous titter went through the room.  Tolliver wasn't used to not having his questions left unanswered.  He was a formidable teacher, one that made even the toughest students cry.  He waited a beat for Seth to elaborate and then continued calling attendance when he didn't.  When the teacher's attention was on the other side of the classroom, Seth and Ryan exchanged amused glances.  Seth was biting his lip, trying not to laugh.  The truth was, it never occurred to him how people in school might react to Ryan's adoption and the name change.  They were getting their first glimpse.  

            "Maybe, I should hyphenate my name too," Seth whispered.  "That'll really confuse them."

            "Cohen!" barked the teacher.  

            "Yes," Seth and Ryan answered simultaneously.

            Tolliver sneered.  "Pay attention.  You might need this."

            Seth and Ryan tried to look contrite, but it was dawning on both of them how much fun this could be.

            By lunch the fun had stopped.  After homeroom, Seth realized he didn't share any classes with Ryan or Summer or Marissa.  During his junior year he had kept saying how much better his life was now that he had friends, but he was slowly realizing how small his world was.  With totally different schedules than his few friends — he didn't even need one hand to count them — he had no one.

            He shoved his lunch tray away and stalked to the racquetball courts.  Dumping his bag on the sidelines, Seth grabbed a paddle and ball and started to hit it hard against the wall.  Thwack.  The ball slammed against the wall and bounced back to him.  He had to sprint to the side so he could reach it and slam it back against the wall.  Sweat ran down his head after only three volleys and his shirt started to stick to his back, but Seth didn't care.         

"Ditching on the first day?"

            Seth whirled around looking to see who was talking.  It was Mitch.

            "Hey," Seth said, a smile spreading across his lips.

            "What class are you avoiding?"

            "I'm not sure.  P.E.?"

            Mitch grinned.

            "I still have lunch," Seth amended.  "How about you?"

            "The same," replied Mitch.

            "So all is not lost.  There's someone besides the pod people to talk to."

            "This isn't the friendliest of places," Mitch agreed.

            "You're a fast learner."

            Mitch took a paddle from the equipment basket and took up a volley with Seth.  

            "How do you like it so far?"

            Mitch shrugged.  "It's all the same.  The teachers are crabby or full of it.  The kids think they're…" Mitch searched for the right words.  "They think they're too sexy for their shirts," he said referring to the song by Right Said Fred.

            "It's the Abercrombie crowd.  What do you expect?"

            "So how come you didn't get sucked in?"

            "Because my dad's a Jewish lawyer from the Bronx."

            Mitch nodded knowingly.

            The bell rang, signaling the end of the lunch period.  "What do you have next?" he asked Mitch.

            Mitch pulled out his program card and showed it to Seth.  "I'm thinking of ditching.  I don't need French.  I already fulfilled my foreign language requirement."

            "They're totally up your ass if you miss a class."  Seth put his bag over his shoulder.  "They call home and everything.  My brother nearly got suspended for leaving school one day last year."

            Mitch considered this for a moment.  "I guess I won't start up with my dad on the first day of school.  We have enough to fight about as it is.  Are you walking my way?"

            Seth nodded, wondering what Mitch had meant.  There seemed to be a lot of back-story to Mitch.   They ambled to the main building where their classes were being held.  

            "Catch you later?" Mitch asked.

            Seth waved and said, "Sure thing."

            Seth quietly slipped into the house at the end of the day.  Ryan was still with Marissa, and Summer's step mom was coming home from Canyon Ranch and she had to be there to greet her.  The Cohen house was unusually quiet.  _Christina must be sleeping,_ he thought.  Stopping in the kitchen, he grabbed a bag of chips and a coke and then parked himself in front of the Play station.  

He played for a half hour before his mother walked in and said, "Seth, when did you come home?  I didn't hear you come in."

Seth shrugged his shoulders and popped another chip in his mouth.  "Thought you and the baby were sleeping," he said.  "I didn't want to disturb."

"That was so sweet," she said, rubbing his shoulders.  "It's been a trying day.  We have three more interviews lined up for tomorrow.  Hopefully, we'll have a decent nanny soon."

"Welcome to Newport," he muttered under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Good luck," he said loudly.

Kirsten gave her son a funny look, but decided not to pursue it.  Seth had been acting strange all summer.  "Where's Ryan?"

"Am I my brother's keeper?"

"Are you okay, Seth?"

"It's a joke, Mom.  He's with Marissa.  I guess at her place."

"As long as he's home for dinner.  We've got to start doing dinner more regularly now that you're back in school and the baby is a little bigger."

"Sure thing, mom."  Sometimes Kirsten thought they were the Cleavers.

"Did you meet anyone?" Seth asked Mitch.  They were sitting on the pier, which was forbidden to students during school hours.  Seth hadn't wanted to come at first, but Mitch had convinced him.  He and Mitch had made a habit of meeting up during lunch and hanging out someplace secluded, away from the rest of the crowds.

"Besides you.  Not really."

"I'd introduce you to my brother, but he doesn't have lunch with us."

"I'm sure we'll eventually meet."  Mitch threw a pebble into the water.  "Why are you always so sleepy?" Mitch asked curiously as Seth stifled another yawn.

"New baby in the house.  Christina has a set of lungs like you wouldn't believe."

"Christina?  Not a very Jewish sounding name."

"She's named for my grandmother.  I'm only half Jewish."

"Which half?"

"I told you, my dad."

"You know that means you're not Jewish."

"Right.  I'm half Jewish."

Mitch shook his head.  "The Jews don't go halves.  They only consider you Jewish if you're Jewish from your maternal side.  My parents made me take lessons for my Bar Mitzvah." Mitch offered by way of explaining his plethora of knowledge on Judaism.

Seth's heart skipped a beat.  Being Jewish was a huge part of him.  What was Mitch talking about?

"You okay, Cohen?"

            "Yeah.  Fine."

            "It's not a big deal.  Is it?  Does it change anything for you?'

            Seth shrugged.  "I guess there's not reason to celebrate Chrismukkah."

            "Huh?"  

            So Seth explained how he had combined his two favorite holidays, Christmas and Hanukkah into one holiday so he wouldn't have to choose between the two.

            "That's twisted man."

            "I am twisted."

            Mitch giggled, shoving Seth to the side.  "You're white.  Is it such a shock to find out you're not Jewish?"

            "It's not a big deal!" Seth insisted.  "So I'm not Jewish.  I'm still me.  It doesn't change anything."

            From a distance they could hear the bell ring, signaling the end of lunch.  

            Seth jumped up.  "It's not a big deal."

            But it was.  Seth's inside felt queasy.  He felt lost.  So much of himself had been wrapped in his knowledge of being a Jew.  His Bar Mitzvah had been for nothing?  Did he have to return all those presents?  Did that mean he shouldn't celebrate Passover and all the other holidays?  Had his father lied to him or did Sandy not know that by marrying a non-Jew his children wouldn't be Jewish.

            Seth leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes, trying to reign in all his wild thoughts.  He was about to go into AP English and he needed his wits about him.  But he just couldn't concentrate.  It was futile.


	4. Changes

I didn't mean to cause so much controversy with my last chapter and Seth's Jewish identity… Okay, I lie. I sort of did.  But for everyone's FYI, I did some research on the matter and what I wrote stands.  In any case, it's not a major plot point, just one thing among many that will be bothering Seth as time goes on that leads him on his Downward Spiral.  For me, his Jewish identity has always been one of the inconsistencies in the show.  That and how can such a big house not have a spare room for Ryan in the main house while his ex-girlfriend is in the pool house.

The usual disclaimers apply.  I don't own the O.C. or any of its characters.  They belong to FOX and Josh Schwartz's entourage.  

            Seth moved the food around his plate, not very hungry.  He still couldn't wrap his mind around what Mitch had told him.  So he wasn't Jewish after all.  He wasn't even sure why it made a difference, but it did.  It wasn't like their family was one of those Hassidic families he'd seen in New York when visiting Nana Cohen.  He didn't wear the long curly ear locks, or the furry hat and long black silk coat.  That had never been what being Jewish was all about.  Yet it felt like part of his identity had been ripped from him when Mitch had so casually observed that he wasn't Jewish because Kirsten wasn't Jewish.

            No one else at the table paid much attention to Seth's lack of an appetite.  Sandy was busy describing his latest pro bono case at the law firm.  A teenage girl had been arrested for prostitution and Sandy was trying to get her into a group home instead of Juvie.  Ryan was peppering Sandy with questions, trying to figure out of he knew this girl, because earlier Sandy had mentioned she had lived in Chino for a while.  But Sandy wasn't giving away her identity.

            The baby started to cry.  Kirsten looked up from her plate, a tired expression plainly written on her face.

            "I'll get her, Kirsten," Ryan offered, jumping up from his seat.

            Seth looked up from his food.  Ryan was always the first to help with the baby.  It was no secret that Christina preferred Ryan to Seth.  Whenever Seth held his little sister, she cried and squirmed, nearly jumping out of Seth's firm grasp.  But when Ryan held her she was still and quiet as if she felt safe and secure in his arms.  Seth wondered why she didn't feel that way in his arms.  

            Two minutes later, Ryan returned cradling Christina in his arms.  He cooed at her, and she gurgled, obviously pleased to see her big brother.

            "Let me have her," Seth insisted, stretching out his hand.

            Ryan complied and handed over the baby.  "Hey Hope," Seth said, using his sister's middle name.  It was a name Ryan chose, but they didn't use it much.  But suddenly, Seth preferred it to Christina.

            The baby started to wriggle in Seth's grasp.  

            "What?" he asked in a singsong voice.  "I'm not good enough for you?  I'm your big brother.  The biggest brother.  The smarter one too."

            "Wait till we take our SATs," Ryan joked.  "Then we'll see who's smarter."  As the words leapt from Ryan's mouth, he couldn't believe he was saying that.  Before he had met Sandy's, he would never have entertained the idea of taking the SATs.  Now he was competing with Seth about who was smarter.

            "Ryan, my man, you got the beauty and I got the brains.  That's how it works in a family."

            Christina let out a wail.

            "How come you don't like me?" Seth asked.  He stood up and walked her back and forth, but she didn't stop crying.  He tried bouncing up and down, but the baby wouldn't calm down.  Instead her howling grew louder.  Ryan stretched out his hands, offering to take the baby back, and Seth reluctantly handed her off.  She quieted down almost immediately.

            Ryan noticed Seth's crestfallen look.  He hadn't missed Seth's quiet demeanor since the beginning of school.  Even if Sandy and Kirsten hadn't noticed.  They were a bit out of it since the baby's birth.  The baby kept Kirsten up half of the night and then she tried to stay up during the day so that she could do some work for the Newport Group and run a household.  Her attention was divided six different ways.  Ryan suspected that Sandy wasn't kept up half as much, but when he wasn't working he was trying to lend a helping hand to Kirsten so that his wife wouldn't be so overwhelmed. 

            Things had definitely changed a lot in the Cohen house over the summer.  They weren't nearly as attentive to Seth and Ryan's everyday activities.  During the summer both Ryan and Seth had missed curfew countless of times.  Neither Sandy nor Kirsten had noticed.  Most of the time they had been dead to the world, catching five minutes of sleep while Christina Hope slept.  But Ryan sensed that Seth missed his attentive parents.  Maybe that was what was bugging him.  He just didn't know how to help his brother.

            Seth sat back down and poked at his food.  When the baby was quiet, Ryan handed her to Kirsten and sat back down and finished his food.  Ryan's plate was clean, but when he looked up he saw that Seth had barely eaten.  

            "Seth, you want to do something tonight?"

            Seth shook his head.  

            "Come on," cajoled Ryan.  "It's a gorgeous night out.  Why don't we invite Marissa and Summer over for a night swim?"

            Seth shook his head.

            "That sounds like a good idea," Sandy interjected.  "You guys should do it, before the school work starts to really bog you down."

            "It already has," Seth said blandly.  He stood up, knocking the edge of the table, spilling some water that sloshed over the edge of a cup.  "I've got tons of reading for AP English.  My teacher wouldn't accept Neil Gaiman's _Sandman_ as real literature.  Now I have to read _Cry the Beloved Country_."

            "At least it's a good book," offered Kirsten.

            Seth gave a small smile.  "I'm grateful."

            _At least he has some of his sarcasm back_, thought Ryan.

            "You're a fast reader," Ryan insisted.  "You could give up a couple of hours."

            "You're only young once.  Go ahead, invite the girls over," said Sandy.

            "I'm not in the mood!  Okay.  God," he said, fleeing from the table, "Can't anyone take no for an answer."  Seth was shouting now.  "I don't want to see Marissa. I don't want to see Summer.  And I don't want to take a damn swim!"  

            Sandy, Kirsten and Ryan watched with mouths open as Seth stormed out of the room.  Christina, aware of the tension in the room, whimpered in her mother's arms.  Kirsten stood, placing her the baby over her shoulder and patting her back hoping to calm her daughter, yet anxious to run after her son.

            "Sandy, go after-"

            But Kirsten didn't have to finish his sentence.  Sandy was already halfway up the stairs to talk with his son.

            "Something bothering you?" Sandy leaned on the door of Seth's closet.

            Seth was sitting up in bed, his long legs stretched out straight on his bed.  He was twisting Captain Oats, a toy horse he kept on his night table, in his hands.  Seth wouldn't look at his father.  

            "I'm fine Dad," Seth answered, avoiding his father's penetrating gaze. 

            "No you're not.  Mom and I might be a little overwhelmed with the new baby, but we're not blind.  Something's been bugging you since school started."

            "It's just senior year."

            "I think it's more."

            "I don't think so."

            "So now you're reading my mind?"

            Sandy ignored him.  "Are you and Summer fighting?"

            "The world doesn't revolve around girls.  Just leave me alone.  Please."

            Sandy threw up his hands.  "If you change your mind, we can talk."

            "Yeah.  Whatever."

            As soon as his father was out of the room, Seth swung his legs over the bed and went to his computer.  He flipped it on, tapping his fingers while it booted up.  As soon as it was on, he connected to the Internet and logged on to his e-mail account.  There was a message from Mitch waiting for him.

From:  Frecklejuice98@yahoo.com

To:      Cohendude@msn.com

Hey dude, you okay?  I didn't mean to bum you out today.  People tell me I have a big mouth sometimes.

Seth hit the reply button and wrote:  

From:  Cohendude@msn.com

To:      Frecklejuice98@yahoo.com 

U were just telling the truth, right?  No big deal.  Don't make a mountain out of a pile of dirt.

            Seth didn't wait for Mitch at the start of lunch.  He went straight for the pier.  He dumped his book bag behind him and hung his legs over the water.  He leaned back, using the knapsack as a pillow.  He had walked through the day as if he were walking under water.  He let his mind wander back to last year and wished things would go back to the way things had been.  He couldn't believe how much had changed with two new additions to his household.

            "Hey dude."  Mitch sat down next to Seth.  "How's it going?"

            "It's… fine."

            "You look royally bummed."

            "It's just family stuff."

            "I know what you mean."

            Seth turned his face towards Mitch and raised his brows.  "What's with your parents?  Why are they living in on separate coasts?"

            "Divorce.  New York isn't all that big, so Dad decided he needed to go to the other side of the country to get enough space between them."

            "Why didn't you stay in New York?"  Seth was a little curious about Mitch, but mostly he just wanted to distract himself from his own problems.

            Mitch took out a cigarette and offered one to Seth.  Seth looked at the pack.  His parents had been working on getting Ryan to quit for a year now.  For the most part they had succeeded.  Ryan only used cigarettes to calm his nerves, which weren't as frayed as they had once been.  They would have conniptions if he started to smoke.  That was if they noticed he started to smoke.

            Mitch started to put the pack away, but sitting up, Seth grabbed a cigarette.  He took the lighter in Mitch's other hand and lit up, inhaling sharply and the smoke went down his throat.  He coughed hard and Mitch smacked Seth hard on the back.

            "So tell me more about why you moved to the O.C.," Seth said in a raspy voice.

            "I couldn't stand my mom's latest husband.  Actually, he wasn't much older than my brother Aaron.  Aaron's a senior in NYU.  The thing is, my mother's latest boy toy, actually got into the whole stepfather thing.  It was really creepy having someone ten years older than me telling me I was late for dinner."

            Seth laughed.  "So you took off because of your new stepfather."

            "No.  Mom pushed me out because of my new stepfather.  One of our fights got sort of physical and Stepdaddy actually landed in the emergency room. What a wuss."

            "How hard did you hit him?" Seth took another drag of his cigarette.  He was already getting used to it.

            "I broke his nose."

            "Wow."

            Mitch shrugged.  "It was an accident.  But I wasn't welcome there anymore, so I'm stuck at my dad's."

            "You don't sound happy about it."

            "My dad and I don't exactly get along."

            Mitch didn't hear the bell, but he noticed students scrambling back to class.  Seth didn't spot the change of activity and Mitch didn't tell him about it.  He lit another cigarette and inhaled deeply.

            "My dad didn't exactly want his problem child hanging around now.  He's too busy wheeling and dealing.  As he put it, he's too busy to deal with teenage angst."

            "That hurts."  At least his parents had never said as much, even if they couldn't be bothered to pay much attention to him lately.  Though Sandy seemed to have really cared the night before.  Seth knew he hadn't given his father a chance.

            Mitch continued to tell Seth of his troubled home life until Seth glanced at his watch and noticed the time.  

            "Shit," Seth said jumping to a sitting position.  "We missed like two classes."

            "What's the big deal?"

            "They call home."

            "So."

            That stopped Seth for a moment.  So what?  What would his parents do?  What would the school do?  It wasn't like he was cutting out the entire day.  If he went back to class now, they probably would assume it was a clerical error.  His parents might never find out about it.  Not that they would notice anyway.  Lately they were so wrapped up with Christina and even Ryan that they barely noticed their first-born son.

            "I'm going back to class." 

            "Yeah.  We should do that.  Do you want to come to my place after school?  We could hang out?"

            "Yeah.  Why not."

            Seth didn't come home until after dinner, though he had never called home to tell anyone where he was.  He slipped into the house and up to his room without anyone noticing.  After dumping his books in his room, Seth knocked on Ryan's door.  

            "Hey."

            Ryan looked up from his books.

            "Where were you?  I was looking for you after school."

            "I went to a friend's house."

            "I intercepted a call from the school when I got home."

            "Huh?"

            "The school called to tell Sandy and Kirsten you missed two classes after lunch.  I told them you had eaten something that didn't agree with you and you had been in the nurse's office."

            "Thanks.  You think they'll catch on?"

            "If they bother to check.  But you're lucky, they didn't ask Sandy or Kirsten to come down to school tomorrow."

            "I guess I'll deal with it if they figure it out."

            "So where were you?"

            Seth shrugged.  "I didn't hear the bell.  I was just hanging out."

            "You're being secretive," Ryan said.

            "What can I say?  I learn from the best.  I'm a man of mystery."  Seth banged the doorframe and said, "Thanks for covering for me."  And he went back to his room half expecting his irate father to be sitting on his bed waiting for an explanation, about the day's events.  But no one was waiting for Seth in his room.  No one even realized he was home.


	5. Mood Swings

Sorry it's been taking me so long between updates. This story isn't flowing as well as the last one. And I'm also pretty busy. Please read and review. And as usual, I don't own the O.C. or any of its characters. They are the sole ownership of Josh Schwartz and the entourage at Fox TV.

"Cohen!" 

Summer bounded up to Seth in the hallway, her lips were curled into an ugly scowl. Despite her obvious anger, Seth couldn't help noticing how beautiful she was. Her dark hair was wavy today and it cascaded down past her shoulders. But her brown eyes were on fire. _Rage blackout_, he thought.

"Cohen!" she demanded, "Why are you avoiding me?"

"Avoiding you?" spluttered Seth. "I'm not avoiding you."

"We may not share the same schedule, but we're all dismissed at the same time. We can do stuff after school and you totally bailed yesterday."

"I'm sorry!" he said, "But I went to a friend's house."

Summer softened. "At least you could have stuck around long enough to tell me you were going," she said softly. "It's like you don't like me anymore. I miss you."

Seth pulled Summer against his chest and held her tightly. He forgot about his girlfriend's vulnerable side, because she was so often putting up this tough girl demeanor. He kissed the top of her head and murmured reassuring words when Mr. Tolliver stopped next to them and said, "No PDAs in the hall Mr. Cohen."

Summer squirmed out from under Seth's grasp, but Seth coolly replied, "I don't have one, sir. I know, I know," he said, holding up his hands. "Everyone has one. But my parents won't get me one. They told me a cell phone, a laptop and a computer, were enough gadgets for one teenager. I tried to explain that everyone had one-"

Mr. Tolliver cut him off. "Mr. Cohen, just keep your hands to yourself and concentrate on your education," the teacher warned.

As soon as Tolliver was out of earshot, Summer slapped Seth's chest. "Owe," he cried.

"I can't believe you just said that to a teacher." But she was laughing.

Seth smiled wryly, feeling like himself for the first time in a long time. Maybe things weren't that great at home, but Summer would always be his girl. She could always set things right. 

"I promise I won't go anywhere after school today. I'll wait for you at dismissal and then we'll do something special."

"That's better," she said. 

The bell rang and they had to go in different directions, but Seth stood for a moment and watched his girlfriend walk off. She was shaking her head and muttering to herself, "I can't believe he just said that to Tolliver." 

Barely able to hide his delight, Seth turned and headed towards his class. Suddenly, Mitch was beside him, matching him stride for stride.

"You look happy today," his new friend remarked.

"I woke up on the right side of the bed."

"As opposed to the left one?"

"Actually as opposed to under the bed."

Mitch didn't bat an eyelash at Seth's bizarre comment. "What are you doing after school?"

"I'm meeting up with Summer. I'd invite you along, but we need some one-on-one time together. But how about if you meet up with us for a little bit so I can introduce you to her."

Mitch smiled. "No need. I'll meet her some other time. If I had a girlfriend, I wouldn't want a third wheel tagging along."

Seth blushed. He had never wanted to be one of those guys who was so wrapped up in his girlfriend that he had not time for anyone else. He stole a sideways glance at Mitch, but realized his friend didn't seem perturbed at all. Maybe he was just reading into it, presuming Mitch would feel the way Seth would feel if their roles were reversed.

"Thanks for inviting me to your place. We can do it again some time soon."

"I'd like that. Did your parents freak on you when you got home? You were sort of antsy when you left because you hadn't called home."

Suddenly, Seth's good humor evaporated. He recalled how no one noticed that he had come home, let alone that he had been gone. After he had talked to Ryan, he had turned on his computer to catch up on his e-mail and to use the Net to do some research for his English paper. He could hear his parents fussing over the baby. She was crying a lot and Kirsten sounded frustrated at their inability to calm her down. When the baby got like that, Seth knew he could break the sound barrier and his parents wouldn't notice.

"They were fine about it," Seth said curtly. "I worried for nothing."

At lunch, Ryan and Marissa curled up in the corner of the student lounge. Marissa chose a hot pretzel for lunch and Ryan was feeding it to her piece by piece.

"Can I join?" Summer asked, plopping down beside them.

"Sure," Marissa answered brightly. She straightened up a little in her friend's presence.

"Oh go back to whatever you're doing," she sighed. "I miss Seth. Our schedules are polar opposites this year. I never get to see him."

"Yeah," Ryan agreed quietly. "I know what you mean."

Marissa gave Ryan a puzzled look. "What do you mean?" she asked. "You live in the same house, don't you? Seth isn't exactly the social butterfly and lately, you haven't been one either."

Ryan recalled last night. Seth hadn't come home that late, though it wasn't like he had called to warn anyone that he would be gone at all. But as soon as he had come home, Seth had stayed in his room. Lately, it seemed like Seth was spending a lot of time in his room. He was barely playing with his Play Station, which used to be his brother's favorite pass time. 

"He's just spending a lot of time away from home or in his room," Ryan explained. "The baby can be really loud sometimes," he offered by way of explanation. 

"Who's he spending time with?" asked Summer.

Ryan shrugged. 

"Who did he become friendly with?" Summer asked.

"Maybe one of the new kids," Marissa suggested.

"There aren't too many new kids."

"There's one in my Advanced Bio class," Summer said. "He's a redhead. Michael?" She shook her head. "Matthew? No. Oh, I got it," she snapped her fingers. "Mitch somebody. That's his name."

"I know who you're talking about," Marissa said. "I think he takes English with me. He reminds me of Seth."

Ryan gave Marissa a puzzled look.

"He's pale like Seth. Though he has red hair and freckles. But he's tall and built like Seth and they share a sense of humor."

"You mean this Mitch guy is weird?" Ryan asked.

Marissa laughed. "Yeah. Sort of. He mostly keeps to himself. I don't see him hanging around with anyone. Of course, it doesn't look like he has lunch now."

Ryan leaned forward and looked around the room. "Don't see any redheads here."

"Of course, he could always hang out somewhere else." Summer broke a off a piece of Marissa's hot pretzel. "I'll ask Seth about him after school. He promised me we'd do something together."

The bell rang, signaling the end of the period. Reluctantly, the teens got up, gathering their things so that they could go back to class.

"Where's Seth?" asked Kirsten, walking into the kitchen. 

Ryan looked up from the pot he was stirring, surprised to see Kirsten in the kitchen at this hour. Usually, if her hands weren't full with Christina, she was holed up in the den, looking over plans for Caleb. She rarely noticed if he or Seth was around. 

"He's out with Summer."

Ryan took a handful of spaghetti and cracked it in half before dumping it into the pot of boiling water. It was nearly time for dinner and Ryan had decided to cook something instead of waiting to see if Sandy or Kirsten could figure out where to order. He wasn't cooking anything fancy, just some pasta with sauce from a jar. 

Kirsten went to the fridge and took out a bag of lettuce and some vegetables. "I can still cut a salad with the best of them."

Ryan smiled.

She took the knife from the drawer and started cutting a cucumber. "I feel like I don't know what you boys are up to anymore. I don't even remember asking you about school."

"You did," reassured Ryan. "And it's still fine."

Kirsten took a deep breath. "I know we haven't been very attentive since Christina Hope was born —"

"It's okay. You have a lot on your plate."

"No. It's not." But Kirsten didn't have a chance to finish.

Seth breezed into the kitchen. "What no takeout?" he asked, opening up the fridge and rummaging around until he found a tapioca pudding. He pulled out a spoon and started eating while leaning against the counter. It was the most upbeat Ryan had seen Seth in weeks.

"Had a good time with Seth?"

"Yes I did. How about you? It doesn't matter. Listen, Ryan, Summer was grilling me all afternoon about who I'm hanging out with and it made me realize that you haven't met Mitch."

"The redhead?" asked Ryan.

"Who's Mitch," Kirsten jumped in.

Seth ignored his mother. "Yeah, the redhead. Do you know him?"

Ryan shook his head. "Marissa and Summer were describing him today at lunch. They take some classes with him."

"Who's Mitch?" Kirsten repeated.

"A new kid in school," Ryan explained.

"How about we meet up with him later on tonight?"

Ryan looked to Kirsten. "Okay," he said slowly, waiting to see if Kirsten would object. She didn't. She made herself busy with the salad, taking down a bowl and tearing the lettuce into smaller pieces, then dumping it into the bowl. 

"Great," Seth said, slamming his hand on the counter. He licked the pudding off of his spoon and said, "I'll go call Mitch now."

"Seth," called Kirsten. "What about your homework? You just got home."

Seth tried not to roll his eyes. He was surprised his mother even remembered that he was still in school. "Don't worry about it." He ran out of the kitchen and Kirsten and Ryan could hear him bounding up the steps.

But at dinner, Seth just poked at his food. He had called Mitch who declined the night out. He told Seth he had to go somewhere with his father, but that would definitely do it another time. Ryan didn't care either way about meeting Mitch, he had only agreed for Seth's sake and seeing Seth so despondent over his friend's refusal to go out made him like this kid less and less.

"We can go out anyway," Ryan offered.

"Nah," Seth said. "We'll save it for another night. I'm going to get some work done before Hope starts screaming again."

He left the kitchen with Kirsten calling after him that he hadn't finished his dinner.

"I'm not hungry, Mom," he explained over his shoulder.

"I'll go talk to him," Ryan said.

As he walked out of the room, Kirsten muttered to her husband, "You used to do that."

"Seth." Ryan knocked lightly on his brother's bedroom door. He poked his head into the room. He couldn't see Seth because of the long corridor before the room opened up, so Ryan walked in. Seth had his earphones on and was in front of the computer. "Seth," Ryan said again, touching his brother on the shoulder.

Seth jumped and turned around. "You startled me," he said, pulling out his earphones.

"Sorry. I was just coming to check on you. You seem down."

"I'm fine. Really," Seth said, forcing false cheer into his voice.

"Watchya working on?"

"Just surfing." Seth clicked on something. "Did you know that there's no such thing as being a half Jew?" He turned back to the computer and typed something in. "According to the Jewish religion a person is only a Jew if his mother is only a Jew."

"Maybe you can use that on Jeopardy," Ryan said.

"You don't get it."

"Am I missing something?"

"I'm not Jewish. Never was. Dad's Jewish, but I'm not because Mom didn't convert before I was born."

"Oh."

"So my bar mitzvah was bogus. All those Hebrew lessons they made me take before the bar mitzvah were just as bogus. Not to mention all those Passover Seders I went to and Chrismukkah. Who needed to combine the holidays, I had not business celebrating Chanukah at all!"

"Chill, Seth. It's not the end of the world." As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Ryan knew he had said the wrong thing. 

"I was always Seth Cohen, the Jewish geek. Now I'm just Seth Cohen the geek. Can't even blame it on being Jewish anymore."

Ryan sat down. "I don't get it. You're still the same Seth Cohen to me. I mean your dad probably knew this. It didn't matter to him. He wanted to share his heritage with you and that's why he had you celebrate in all his traditions, so you could be close. It doesn't change things."

"It does. It's not like we're even close lately. They're so wrapped up in the baby."

"I know."

"You miss their hovering?" Seth asked.

"Yes," admitted Ryan.

"Me too. It was kind of nice that Mom noticed I didn't eat and her asking about my homework."

"Yeah. I know what you mean." 

Ryan's thoughts raced back to his conversation with Kirsten in the kitchen earlier that evening. It was the first time in days that she had woken up from her stupor to pay attention to what was going on in his life. But he was cut out from different material than Seth. He'd been through this before with his first mother, Dawn. Seth only had Kirsten and Sandy the doting parents. 

"I love Hope," Seth said quietly, "but I never imagined she would change things so much."

Seth turned back to his computer, embarrassed that he had said so much to Ryan. He aimlessly clicked on the website that was up on the screen, pretending to be engrossed so his brother would leave the room. It took a few minutes, but eventually, Ryan got the hint.


	6. Experimenting

Okay, so it looks like it's taking me about a week to update. Sorry for the long wait in between. Enjoy.

Usual Disclaimers apply.

"Sorry about last night," Mitch told Seth after school the next day. It hadn't taken much coaxing for Seth to agree to go over to Mitch's house. He lived in the penthouse of one of the luxurious apartment homes for Newport's modestly wealthy.

"It's okay," Seth said, praying his voice didn't show how bummed out he'd been by Mitch's refusal to get together the night before.

"My dad insisted on my attending this dinner he was having with some business associate. Ever heard of this dude Caleb Nichol? He's supposed to be like one of the most powerful guys in town."

Seth nodded. "Yeah, I've heard of him." He didn't bother to let Mitch know Caleb Nichol was his grandfather.

"His wife is a looker. Half his age."

Seth smiled knowingly, though he had never thought of Julie Cooper Nichol as hot. When he thought of Julie, he pictured a vulture with its claws out. "Julie is Marissa's mom. Marissa and my brother Ryan date. Also, they used to live next door to us. The Coopers that is. Before they got divorced and all."

"Is Newport this incestuous town? Everyone knows everyone? Everyone has been married to everyone?"

"Yup," Seth said. "Actually, it's even more incestuous than you think. Caleb Nichol is my grandfather," he admitted.

Mitch guffawed. "So Julie Nichol is your grandmother!"

Seth had to laugh. Because when Julie and his grandfather had first gotten engaged, he had rehashed the family tree for everyone in the kitchen. His father had choked on his coffee when Seth pointed out that Julie would be his mother-in-law and his mother shot him a lethal look when he pointed out that Julie was her step mom. And he thought Ryan was about to kick his ass, when he mentioned that technically, Ryan was dating his aunt.

Now lounging in the futon chair in Mitch's bedroom, Seth had to laugh at his friend's assessment of the town he was now living in.

"Dinner was a drag. I needed to unwind bad afterwards."

"How do you unwind?" Seth asked innocently.

Mitch shrugged. "It depends on the situation. But last night I used this." He took out a joint and showed it to Seth.

Seth started when he saw what his friend was holding. It wasn't that he had never seen drugs before. He had, just not up so close. And he hadn't pictured Mitch as a dope addict. He seemed too smart to start in on that stuff.

"It makes me forget," Mitch explained.

Seth sighed. "I wish I could forget lately."

"Try it." Mitch stretched out his arm, handing over the joint.

Seth shook his head. "I couldn't."

"You're worried your parents will notice?"

"No," Seth answered truthfully. Six months ago, he knew his parents would definitely notice. He wasn't so sure anymore.

"So what's the problem?"

"Oh, you know. Drugs are evil. They'll mess with your head. You know the commercial. This is your brain," Seth said, deepening his voice. "This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?"

"A little won't hurt," Mitch said laughing. "Come on, try it."

Seth didn't know why he was doing it, but he took the joint from Mitch's outstretched hand. If his parents found out, they would probably kill him. If Ryan found out, he'd kill Seth too. But his parents would be too busy to notice and if Ryan did notice, he'd convince him to keep quiet about it and take whatever his brother had to dish out.

Seth inhaled deeply as soon as the joint was lit and immediately coughed. Mitch gave him a patronizing smile.

"Just take a drag," he instructed. "Don't inhale yet, not if you're a virgin."

Seth raised his brows. At least he wasn't really a virgin, though he knew Mitch was not referring to his sexual experience.

Seth tried again, letting out the smoke right away. He tried it a couple of more times, getting the hang of it, when Mitch suggested he might try inhaling again. This time, the smoke didn't bother him too much and he only sputtered slightly before swallowing the smoke.

He handed the joint to Mitch and said, "Your turn."

Mitch took it gratefully and took a couple of puffs before passing it back to Seth. When Seth was experimenting with his second round, Mitch put on his CD player and music blasted from the speakers. Seth wasn't sure if it was the effects of the drugs or the numbing sound of the music, but suddenly everything he'd been thinking about cleared from his mind.

They didn't finish the joint. When it was halfway done, Mitch stubbed the end with his thumb and forefinger and put it in a Ziplock™ bag, which had more weed inside of it.

"It really does look like grass." Seth was lying on Mitch's floor and staring at the ceiling.

Mitch giggled. "You've never seen marijuana before?"

Seth shrugged. "From a distance. Never paid much attention to it." He rolled over onto his stomach and buried his head in the carpet. With all the crap he had endured from the jocks in school, he had never felt the need for drugs before. Tonight he understood why people used drugs. His mind felt numb. It was blank. All he had to do was shut his eyes and everything he had felt in the past twenty-four hours evaporated.

"You're pretty trashed," Mitch commented.

"Yup."

"Don't know if you'll want to be here when my dad gets home."

Seth shook his head. "Probably not."

"How are you going to get home?"

"Good question." Seth didn't say anything and Mitch waited. "Maybe my brother can come and get me."

"Will he tell your parents?"

Seth shrugged then shook his head. "Probably not. He's no choir boy." Seth took out his cell phone and dialed Ryan. "Hey bro," he said into the phone. "Do you think you could snag a ride and pick me up?"

"Seth?" Ryan asked.

"That's me. The one and only."

At the other end, Ryan rolled his eyes. Sometimes Seth was just too weird. "Where are you?" he asked.

"At Mitch's place. Can you come?"

Ryan looked at Marissa and then reluctantly said yes. "Give me the address."

"You're a peach," Seth said, before giving his brother the directions.

As Ryan drove to pick Seth up, he tried to work out in his mind what was wrong with Seth. He knew his brother sounded off. He just wasn't sure what was wrong with him. As weird as Seth was, he didn't recall his brother usually sounding so bizarre. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized Seth hadn't said anything too unusual. Maybe it was the way his voice sounded. Ryan couldn't put his finger on it.

He glanced over at Marissa who had connived her way into the front seat. He hadn't wanted to leave Marissa, but he knew that something was up with Seth and he had not been too excited about letting her come along. But Marissa could be stubborn and it was easier to give in than to fight with her.

"Ryan," she said quietly. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Everything is great."

"Why does Seth need a ride?"

"Because Sandy and Kirsten refuse to get us a car of our own."

"Why couldn't Mitch drive him home?"

"I didn't ask. Maybe the kid doesn't have a car either."

"You look upset."

"I'm not upset." He sighed. "But I probably will be when I see Seth. He sounded…"

"Weird? Seth always sounds weird."

"He sounded weird for Seth."

Minutes later, Ryan's fears were confirmed. As soon as he looked Seth in the eyes, he knew his brother was high. "What did you take?" he asked.

"Huh?" asked a woozy Seth.

"What drugs did you take? Did you snort coke? Smoke weed?" He grabbed one of Seth's arms and pushed up the sleeve of his polo shirt. "Did you shoot up?"

"Chill Ryan. I only smoked some pot. Between the two of us, we didn't even finish a joint."

"Are you nuts? Sandy and Kirsten are totally going to freak!"

"Mom and Dad won't even notice. Can we go?" Seth gently prodded Ryan to the car. "Since when did you become such a mother hen anyway? Like you never smoked weed before," Seth muttered.

But Ryan heard every word. He wasn't sure if Seth meant for him to hear or not, but it was too late. "For your information," he said hotly, "I've only experimented once or twice and never since I came to live with your family."

"Our family," Seth returned irritably.

"What?"

"Our family," he repeated. "You're part of our family. Why don't you include yourself in our family?"

"I was talking the past tense, Seth. From before Sandy and Kirsten adopted me."

"Oh."

Seth wobbled and Ryan caught him.

"Come on man," Ryan said, taking Seth by the arm. He forced the gangly teenager to lean on his shoulder and Ryan half dragged his brother to the car.

Marissa glanced at Seth, but didn't say a word when she saw the state he was in. She wondered if that's how she acted when she was drunk. Looking at Seth made her glad she had a grasp on her drinking problem. She wondered if Seth had a problem or he was just experimenting. From the look on Ryan's face, it looked like a mess he was used to cleaning up, but Marissa wasn't sure if it was Seth's mess or Dawn's disasters that was familiar to him.

When Ryan walked into the kitchen the next morning, Seth was already there, devouring a bagel and eggs, sunny side up. He held up his cup of coffee, acknowledging Ryan's presence with half a smile.

"You look like crap," Ryan said.

"Thanks."

"Any food left for me?"

Seth shrugged. "I've been like a bottomless pit since last night."

"What's new?"

"Hah hah. Ryan made a funny."

"I'm getting good at that."

"Another funny. Soon you'll be cracking more jokes than me."

"Impossible."

"An—" But Seth didn't finish, because Ryan threw him one of his patent looks. He had never tried to mess with Ryan and wasn't going to try now.

"It's normal to be hungry after you've —" Ryan didn't finish, because he didn't want Kirsten or Sandy to walk in on them. That was Ryan's first priority – to keep Seth's secret from his parents. All Ryan kept thinking was that they had enough on their plate without any trouble from them.

"Since when are you such an expert? You've only tried it – what? Once? Twice?"

"Marijuana was one of my mother's drugs of choice."

Seth wasn't easy to silence, but whenever Ryan brought up his past life, Seth didn't know what to say. He didn't have to try and respond because Sandy walked in.

"Good morning," he said cheerfully. His hair was dry, but he was dressed in his surfing gear. The boys realized that he was hoping for a morning-surf before going to work. Last year, Sandy always finagled a surf before the boys went off to school, but with Christina taking up so much of their time, he didn't always have time for his favorite pastime.

"Seth, how are you doing this morning?"

"Fine," he mumbled. As soon as Ryan had brought him home, Seth had hid out in his room, claiming a headache. He didn't come out for dinner, afraid his parents would smell the pot on him. It wasn't like his parents hadn't experimented with drugs. Seth knew if put in front of them, they'd recognize the signs of drug use almost immediately.

"Good," Sandy said. He glanced at the clock on the stove. "Aren't you boys going to be late for school?"

"Yeah," agreed Seth. "We better get going." He tossed a bagel to Ryan and said, "We can eat on the run."

"Ryan," Sandy said, as the teenager grabbed their bags.

"Yes."

"We have an appointment with your probation officer on Tuesday."

Seth watched as Ryan swallowed nervously.

"I- I just met with him," he stammered, eyes wide with fright. He stole a glance at Seth. "I didn't do anything."

"The judge wants to meet with you," Sandy explained.

"Why?" Ryan tried to keep his voice in check, but he could hear it rise, almost to a whine. He didn't notice the twinkle in Sandy's eyes or the smile that played on his lips.

"Haven't you been keeping track, Ryan? Your probation is over."

Ryan shook his head in disbelief. "Over?"

Sandy had always been on top of Ryan and his probation. And aside from the time last Christmas when he was pulled over by the police and Marissa had an open bottle of vodka between her legs, he had stayed out of real trouble. Last year, Sandy had a coronary when he ditched school to visit his father in prison, because Dr. Kim had threatened suspension and that would have raised some red flags with the probation officer. To think that constant looking over his shoulder was nearly over was more than Ryan could process at that particular moment.

"I'll make sure not to make any plans for Tuesday."

"And I'll pick you up from school. Maybe the two of us can go out afterwards and celebrate."

"That would be great."

"Come on," Seth urged. "We'll be late."

During the drive to Harbor, neither Seth nor Ryan spoke. Seth fiddled with the radio dial, trying to find music that they could both agree on, but that was hopeless. They were so incompatible; it was amazing they ever became friends.

"About last night," Ryan started when they were just a minute away from school.

"Forget about it already," snapped Seth. "You really know how to beat a dead horse, you know?"

"I'm worried Seth."

"Don't worry."

"Mitch is bad news."

"You don't know Mitch."

"I know people like him. I've been around them all my life."

"This isn't Chino."

"So what is it?" shouted Ryan. "Rich kids playing with things they don't know shit about? You're smarter than that."

"With your brains, didn't you know it was stupid to go steal a car? You still did it. At least my little experiment didn't nearly get me thrown in jail."

"Drugs are stupid, man."

"You sound like a public service announcement."

Ryan pulled into Harbor's parking lot and pulled the Land Rover into an empty spot. He glared at Seth, resisting the urge to punch the other boy in the gut. He decided it wasn't worth trying to reason with Seth when he was like this. Maybe he would calm down in a few days.

Ryan alighted from the Land Rover and slung his backpack over his shoulder. He walked around the car and fell in step with Seth, even though they weren't talking. They were at the bottom of the steps that led to the heart of the Harbor campus when Mitch Weider walked up beside them.

Please review!


	7. Trouble with a Capital T

_Thanks for all the great reviews. I'm quite surprised that I'm able to update so soon. This chapter just flowed. Enjoy. Please read and review. And of course I don't own the O.C. or any of its characters. Just toying with them along with some of my own creations._

Ryan didn't know who Mitch was right away. Not until Seth greeted him with a huge smile and they slapped hands. "This is my brother, Ryan. You didn't really get a chance to say hi last night."

Mitch grinned brightly and extended his hand to Ryan.

But Ryan just glowered and said, "Stay away from my brother."

"Cut it out, Ryan. Don't talk to my friends like that."

"Someone has got to look out for you."

"I can do that myself, thank you."

Mitch just gawked at Ryan, not sure how to respond. "What have I done to your brother?" Mitch finally spluttered. He ran a hand through his bright red hair, a genuinely puzzled look on his face.

Ryan shook his head. "If you want to mess with your head and use drugs, I won't stop you, but don't drag Seth down with you."

"Seth, you never told me Ryan was your babysitter."

"Self-appointed," Seth answered, barely able to hide the contempt in his voice. "Come on," he said to Mitch, "lets get out of here."

Ryan watched Seth walk off, not missing the fact that his brother walked in the opposite direction of his homeroom class. Ryan inhaled sharply and held his breath for a second before letting it out slowly. With a shake of his head, he took the steps two by two and headed to homeroom.

Before he arrived at his classroom, he bumped into Summer and Ryan walking with arms linked.

"Hey, where's Cohen?" Summer asked.

"He took off with his new friend."

"Is he okay?" Marissa asked. She hadn't told Summer about picking Seth up the night before, but she hadn't forgotten Seth's kooky behavior. Ryan hadn't said anything, but Marissa had seen the signs before. She knew Seth had been using.

"What was wrong with Cohen?" Summer asked.

But the bell rang, saving Ryan from having to answer. He scurried off to class trying to figure out what excuse he would give Tolliver for Seth's absence.

"Where to?" Mitch asked.

They were in the parking lot, sitting on the hood of the Land Rover.

"I don't know. Last time we cut, the school called. Ryan covered for me. I don't think he'll do that again."

"Okay." Mitch drummed his fingers on the windshield. "So your parents will come down hard on you if you're caught cutting?"

Seth shrugged. "Lately, they don't notice much, but I was never into negative attention. What about you? What did your dad do last time?"

"He told me if he has to give up his valuable time to deal with this sort of crap at school, he'd ship me back to New York."

"Those were his exact words?" Seth asked with wide eyes.

"Pretty much."

Seth shook his head in disbelief. Perhaps, with the baby, his parents weren't as attentive as they had once been, but he couldn't imagine them talking to him like that. Seth always heard about miserable parents. Hell, Marissa was always complaining about Julie Cooper and he'd seen first hand what a miserable, controlling mother she was. But Julie's problem was that she loved too much and too fiercely, not that she showed contempt for her children.

"You willing to piss off your dad?"

Mitch nodded, a lock of his red hair falling into his eyes. "That's like my sole mission in life. He won't ship me back to New York. My mother has less interest in having me around than my dad. The worse that can happen is that they send me off to some boarding school. It won't be much different than here."

Seth didn't answer, but thought to himself how matter-of-factly Mitch talked about his parents' inattention.

"Come on," Seth said, banging the hood of the car. "Let's get out of here, before one of the teachers start sniffing out the parking lot for delinquents."

Mitch didn't need any additional invitations. He slung his backpack into the back seat of the Land Rover and sprinted after Seth, who was leading the way. Mitch wasn't used to following Seth. In his short friendship with Seth, he had always been the leader. But suddenly it was Seth who was taking control. Mitch didn't hesitate. He was happy to follow. Seth had been living in Newport most of his life. He was bound to know some of the more amusing places in Newport.

Seth led Mitch down the beach to around the same stretch where he and Ryan first got pummeled by the water polo team. He had never shared that story with Mitch, preferring to keep the beginnings of his and Ryan's friendship to himself. When they were past Holly's beach house, Seth led Mitch to the road, where he hailed a cab.

"Ever seen an Imax?" Seth asked.

"We're ditching school to see an Imax?"

Seth shot a look at Mitch, and nudged his head towards the driver. Mitch laughed silently. What did Seth think; the driver would take them back to school or report them to the truancy police?

"When was the last time you saw an Imax?"

"When I was on a fifth grade field trip."

"Then you're missing a whole world. What will it be? _Ocean Oasis_. _Volcanoes of the Deep Sea_? Or maybe _Space Station 3D_?"

"You choose. You obviously know a lot more about this subject than I do."

"Did you see Seth?" Ryan asked at lunch.

Summer shook her head. "I don't have any classes with him, but we usually try and meet between classes."

"Shit," muttered Ryan.

"You think he's ditching?" Marissa asked.

Ryan nodded. He put his books down on the table that Marissa and Summer had secured and pulled out a chair. He sat down low in the chair. His feet extended out before him and bowed his head in concentration.

"Ryan, don't worry about him."

"What am I missing?" Summer asked, unable to hide her apprehension.

Ryan and Marissa exchanged meaningful looks and then Ryan said, "Last night when I picked Seth up from Mitch's place, he was high."

"Cohen high! You must be mistaken."

"I think by now I know the signs like the back of my hand," Ryan said dryly. "Besides, he admitted it."

"Did your parents freak?"

"Sandy and Kirsten don't know. And if I can help it, they won't find out."

"Do you think Seth has a problem with drugs?" Summer asked, her voice shaking.

"Not yet. I'm pretty sure it was his first time."

"But why would he even try it?" Marissa asked. "It's so not like Seth."

"Mitch," mumbled Ryan. "Bad news Mitch."

Ryan noticed that Seth and Mitch had left their books in the car. He didn't know when to expect them though, so he drove home without Seth. Kirsten was waiting for him as soon as he opened the front door. Christina was in her hands, sucking intently on her pacifier.

"Where's Seth?" she asked angrily. Her hair was uncombed and disheveled. She wasn't wearing any makeup and it looked like she hadn't even bothered to make sure if her clothing matched when she got dressed that morning. It bothered Ryan to see Kirsten, who had always been so put together, so overwhelmed with the baby.

"I don't know," he answered honestly, closing the door behind him. He started to walk to the kitchen, hoping Kirsten wouldn't follow.

"Why didn't you come home together?"

"I waited for him. When he didn't show, I just left without him."

"Did you see him in school today?"

"Of course," he answered, grateful he still didn't have to lie. They had left together. And until Mitch had arrived, Ryan had seen Seth in school.

"At lunch?"

"We don't have the same schedule."

"But you share homeroom."

Ryan nodded. The school must have called. He knew they would. They had called last year when Ryan had ditched. No reason to think the policy had changed. The school was small enough that they could afford the time to check up on their students.

"Was he in homeroom?" Kirsten demanded.

Ryan stood rooted to his spot and looked down at the floor. He had hoped he could manipulate this conversation without telling a lie.

"It's a simple question. If you don't answer, I can call Mr. Tolliver and find out. I prefer the truth come from you."

"He wasn't in homeroom. We got into an argument before we got there and he took off."

Kirsten closed her eyes. "I don't have the energy for this," she whispered. "Thank you," she said after a moment. "I'm sorry to grill you like that. Are you hungry? You want me to fix you a snack?"

Ryan shook his head. "I can do it myself. Do you want me to take the baby for a little while."

"No, thank you. I'm interviewing another nanny in a little while."

Ryan couldn't wait for Kirsten to find a nanny. If she had someone she could trust the baby with, then maybe she'd go back to work full time and maybe things would get back to what it had been like before the baby was born. He bit his lip, squashing the laugh that was bubbling up inside of him as he recalled how insecure Christina's impending birth had made him feel about his place in the family. But Christina hadn't just usurped his place in Sandy and Kirsten's life, she had usurped Seth's place as well.

As Ryan rummaged through the refrigerator looking for something to eat, he wondered where Seth was and if he had taken any drugs. At least Mitch had left his bag in the car. It was less likely that he kept pot stuffed in his jeans pocket.

When he found some lunchmeat and bread, Ryan heard the bell ring and Kirsten shuffling to the door. He peeked into the den and saw a middle-age woman with graying hair sitting down on one of the sofas. She immediately stretched out her arms, offering to take the baby from Kirsten, but she refused. He knew it wasn't polite, but Ryan eavesdropped anyway. This woman was the tenth nanny that Kirsten had interviewed and Ryan wanted to know what was making Kirsten reject them all. As he watched the interview progress, Ryan had an inkling that perhaps it wasn't the women for hire, but perhaps it was Kirsten instead. If Sandy were around, he would have said something—maybe. Kirsten caught him gazing and threw him a dirty look, so he stuck his head back in the kitchen and dialed Marissa to see if she wanted to do something.

Seth still had a couple of hours before his curfew, though he had missed dinner. He took a cab home, hoping the school hadn't called or that his parents still had their head stuck in the diaper pail so that they wouldn't notice the school's call on the answering machine. It never occurred to him that Kirsten had been home to take the call. He didn't realize that Ryan would rat him out.

Seth was famished. He and Mitch had stopped for a late lunch at the crab shack, but that had been over three hours ago. Seth was ready for an entire meal. He sprinted into the kitchen and yanked open the refrigerator.

"You didn't have dinner?"

Seth jumped. "Dad. You scared me."

"You didn't call to let us know where you were," Sandy said, getting right to the point. He was still wearing his tie, though it was loosened at the collar. "Your school called and told us you never made it to homeroom, let alone any of the other classes. Care to explain?"

"No." He stuck his head back in the fridge.

"It was a rhetorical question, son."

"I don't have anything to say," Seth said, taking out a Chinese takeout container.

Sandy grasped the counter tightly, his knuckles turning white. This wasn't his Seth. His Seth hadn't talked to his parents like that since Kirsten had sent Ryan back to Juvie. But this time he didn't know why Seth would react like that.

"Ryan said that you two had a fight and that you ran off."

"Ryan needs to mind his own business." He grabbed a fork from the drawer and started to dig into the sweet and sour chickent.

Sandy inhaled sharply. "I'm missing something. Ryan's your best friend. What did you fight about?"

"Nothing important. It was stupid."

"So stupid, you cut school?"

"Yeah. That stupid. I just needed a day off. I should have asked. Sorry. Okay?"

"No. It's not okay. Your mother and I have to go down to school tomorrow so that we can meet with Dr. Kim."

"Wonderful," he said with his mouth full.

"You don't get it, do you? You're applying to college in a month or so. The last thing you need is a suspension on your transcript."

"I'll probably just get detention or in house suspension. Don't make this a big deal. It's not."

Sandy banged his hand on the counter. "You're grounded. More because of this attitude than what you did."

"Fine." With container in hand, Seth left the room.

Sandy stood in the kitchen, his mouth hanging open in disbelief, wondering to where his innocent, compliant, easygoing son had gone.


	8. Babysitting

Thanks for all the great reviews.  As usual, I don't own the OC or any of its characters.  It all belongs to Fox and Josh Schwartz.

            Ryan and Seth were camped out in the family room, playing video games when Sandy walked in, a solemn expression on his face.  He sat down on the coffee table, blocking the boys' view of the screen.  Seth opened his mouth to say something, but stopped when he saw the look on his father's face.  Besides, Sandy hadn't commented on the fact that Seth was grounded and shouldn't be playing on the Playstation.  He didn't want to remind him.

            "Listen guys, your mom needs a break from the baby."

            "When are you going to hire a Nanny?" Seth asked.

            "We've interviewed over two dozen.  Kirsten didn't like any," Sandy said with a sigh.  "The thing is, I want to take her out for dinner and a movie.  She won't trust a babysitter, so I need the two of you to watch the baby."

            Seth and Ryan looked at each other briefly, before turning back to Sandy. Between the two of them, they had changed maybe five diapers in the four months that Christina was alive.  Ryan was more adept at the bottle-feeding, but Kirsten didn't ask for help too often.  Could they do it?

            "I'm not really asking.  I'm telling you," Sandy said.  His voice brooked no argument.  "Tomorrow at seven, make sure you're home."  Sandy stood, smoothing out the wrinkles in his slacks.  "And Seth, put down the game controller.  I didn't forget you were grounded."

            Seth put it down, making a face at his father's back.  "Finally wakes up and realizes that we're alive and it's to turn us into domestic help."

            "It won't be too bad," Ryan insisted, though his voice was unconvincing.  "Maybe she'll sleep most of the time."

            "She always cries through dinner."

            "Maybe she'll do us a favor."

            "Maybe for you.  But Hope doesn't like me much."

            Ryan didn't argue.

            The next evening, Kirsten was just as dubious that the boys could handle the baby themselves.  But Sandy was firm.  He practically dressed Kirsten and applied her makeup until she realized her husband wouldn't relent.  So she took the make-up brush from him, so at the very least she wouldn't look like a scarecrow when she left the house. 

            Ryan and Seth only half listened to Kirsten's laundry list of instructions.  They hoped between the two of them, they'd catch everything.

            "And if you need anything, just call us on the cell."

            "In case of emergency," Sandy amended.

            "Okay.  Enjoy," Ryan said, holding open the front door.

            "Don't worry," Seth said.  "Hope is in capable hands.  Marissa and Summer said they'd come over."

            Seth was only joking, but his parents thought he was serious.

            "No friends.  Not even the girls."

            "Jeez.  I was just joshing."

            "If you weren't," Sandy said, "Go call and cancel.  The four of you get together and you're liable to forget all about your sister."

            "We got it," said Ryan.  "No girls.  No fun.  Just watch the baby like a hawk.  Will do.  Just go," he said impatiently.

            "If you lose her pacifier, I have one just like it in the top drawer of her dresser.  You know she only takes a certain type of nipple."

            "Mom don't say nipple."

            Kirsten rolled her eyes.  "She'll get hungry in the next hour or so."

"Okay," Seth said with a salute, some of his old personality emerging. He took the door from Ryan and started to close it on his parents.

            "One more thing," Kirsten said, stopping the door with her hand.  "There's a bottle of breast milk in the fridge, but if she's hungry, you can make a formula bottle.  One scoop to two ounces of water."

            "Formula bottle, check," said Ryan.

            "Her pediatrician's number is on the fridge."

            "Okay," Sandy said, pulling Kirsten behind him.  "They'll be fine."

            "Dandy," Seth said.  "Hope is in our capable hands."

            Finally, they were able to shut the door, leaving their parents on the other side.  Ryan and Seth leaned against the door, breathing deeply, trying to recover from Kirsten's barrage of instructions.  They turned to each other, rolling their eyes and burst into a fit of giggles.

            Ryan was thrilled.  It had been weeks since he had seen Seth react to anything with humor.  Perhaps Mitch wasn't affecting Seth as much as he feared.  Perhaps the old Seth would slowly return to them.

            Ryan was about to open his mouth and say something when Christina started to cry.

            "I'll flip you for it," Seth said, taking a coin from his pocket.  "Heads you get her.  Tales, I stay here."

            "Do I have stupid tattooed to my face?"

            "I had to try."

            "I'll get her, but you get the first diaper."

            "I don't do diapers."

            "You do now."

            With a bounce, Ryan jumped off the door and started for the nursery.  Seth followed. 

            "Hey squirt," Ryan said gently lifting Christina out of her crib.  "Your big brothers are here.  No need to cry." 

He cradled her in his arms and swayed back and forth, hoping it would calm her down.  But Christina persisted to cry.  Ryan tried her pacifier, but she pushed it out of her mouth.  He held her over his shoulder and patted her on the back, but it didn't work.  He offered her a bottle, but Christina would not stop crying.  No wonder Kirsten always looked haggard, thought Ryan, it was practically impossible to console the baby.

"I have an idea." 

Seth ran out of the room and brought in a portable CD player.  He stuck in a CD and lowered the volume before hitting the play button.  Suddenly, Rooney's _I'm Shakin_ pulsed in the room.  Seth stretched out his hands and Ryan gave her over gratefully. 

"Just move with the music," Seth explained as he gyrated to the beat of the song.  He held the baby over his shoulder, supporting her head, as his mother had instructed a million times in her many baby lessons.

"She likes Rooney?" Ryan asked with raised brows.

"Actually, she prefers the Sex Pistols and Clash, but I happened to have stuck this song on when burning the CD."

Ryan shook his head in disbelief.  But suddenly, Christina Hope's cries started to subside.

"I thought she didn't like you."

"She's like all the girls," Seth said.  "She only likes me in private.  Lately, I go into her room when everyone's sleeping. Sometimes I hear her start to whimper, but Mom hasn't woken up yet.  Anyway, I started to play her my music and she likes it.  It calms her down."

"I see."

"You try," Seth said.

"I don't dance."

"You waltzed."

"That was when I first moved here and I was still insecure about my place here."

"This is for your baby sister."

"Okay," Ryan said, caving in.  He took the baby from Seth, admiring her downy skin and wide blue eyes.  When Ryan peered into her face, she smiled and as he danced to the next song on the CD she gurgled with delight.

Seth watched, a pit sinking in his stomach.  He had been the one to find the key to calming Hope, but it was Ryan she really loved.  In all the time he spend with her, she never once smiled or cooed in his presence.

The phone rang and Seth grabbed the cordless that was lying around the nursery.

"Hey dude.  How are you doing?"  Seth waved at Ryan and left the room for some privacy.   Five minutes later, he returned to the nursery and told Ryan he was leaving.

"You can't leave.  You have to help me babysit."

"Mitch said there was a Rave tonight.  I want to go check it out."          

"You're grounded."

"They won't even know I'm gone."

"They're not exactly party animals lately.  They'll be home by ten.  A Rave won't get under way until midnight."

"I'm not asking you Ryan.  I'm just telling you.  Hope doesn't like me much.  She prefers you.  You'll be fine.  Call Marissa.  I'm sure she'd love to come over."

Seth ran out of the nursery and into his bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him.  The sound set off Christina and she starting crying again.  Ryan put on another CD and danced with her until he could calm her down.  As soon as she was settled, he put her down into her crib and went to convince Seth to stay and not risk his parents' wrath.

"Come on Seth," Ryan said as he adjusted his open shirt.  "You're not making any sense."

"I just want to get out.  What's there to get?"  Seth was pawing through his closet, taking out a shirt or pants, studying it for a minute and throwing it on his bed when he decided it wasn't right.  "You think I can borrow one of your wife beaters?  Maybe a muscle shirt?"

"You don't have any muscles, Seth.  Besides, I'm not going to help you with this madness.  Your parents are going to freak when they find out you went out tonight."

Seth shook his head with disgust.  "They're your parents too."  He took out a navy corduroy shirt and considered for a minute.  "What's up with that?  You were there too last June when the judge signed the papers and said you were officially a Cohen now."

"It was just a slip of the tongue," Ryan said nervously.   "I'm so used to saying your mom and your dad.  They've only been my parents for a year out of my seventeen.  But you're changing the subject."

"Whatever.  Don't know how to convince you that you're a Cohen.  Have been since Dad brought you home."

"Seth, it was just a slip of the tongue."  Ryan turned as Seth started to pull his tee shirt over his head.

"Freudian slip."

"Can you just shut up about this?  It's getting old.  I love Sandy and Kirsten.  They're my parents.  You and Christina are my brother and sister.  I'm a Cohen.  Okay?'

"Yeah.  Whatever."  Seth finished buttoning his shirt, smoothed down his hair in front of the mirror and said, "I'm out of here."  He grabbed his skateboard and bounded down the steps.

Ryan watched helplessly as Seth skated down the driveway.  When Seth was just a speck in the distance, he went back into the house and heard Christina crying again.  Before going up to the nursery, he grabbed one of the bottles out of the fridge and put it in a bowl of boiling water.  He carefully carried Christina down the stairs and tried to feed her, but she kept spitting it out.  Ryan sighed in frustration.  He didn't have the patience to do this alone.  Maybe he would call Marissa.

The Rave was in full swing when Mitch pulled the car into a makeshift parking lot.  It was actually a field of grass with cars parked willy-nilly.  Seth followed Mitch in, trying to look nonchalant while taking in his surroundings. The music pulsed through the room, so that Seth could feel his heart beating in his throat.  The room was dimly lit, dotted with the glowing end of cigarettes and joints, and crowded with wall-to-wall people. 

Though he tried to keep close to Mitch, it was difficult in the crowd.  Suddenly, a girl dressed in a tight jeans and a tank top that didn't even try and cover her midriff, had him pinned to a wall. 

"Hey handsome."  She seductively put a finger between two of his buttons, looking for some chest hairs to curl around her finger. 

"Um — hi."  Seth swallowed hard.

She flipped her long blonde hair out of her eyes.  "How about a drink?" she asked.

"I – I'm not thirsty," he stammered.  If Summer saw him, she would have one of her rage blackouts.  And as Seth let this strange girl fondle him, he realized he didn't want to cheat on Summer.  Despite everything that was going on, he didn't want to ruin what he had with the best thing that had ever happened to him.

"I'm thirsty," said the girl.

With his realization, the confidence that had turned his legs to jelly returned.  He pushed the girl's hand out from his shirt and said, "I have a girlfriend."

But she didn't take no for an answer.  She pulled his hand and put it on her waist, guiding it to her ass.  "Is she here?"  She asked looking around.

"No."

"Then what's the problem?"

For a moment, just a moment, Seth was tempted.  But then a vision of Summer and her sleek black hair, and her dazzling smile and her sexy curves shot before his eyes and Seth knew he could resist.  His eyes darted around the dark room, hoping to catch a glimpse of Mitch, but his friend was nowhere to seen.

He pulled his hand off the girl's rear end and out from under her clutches.  "Your offer is — sweet, but no thanks.  Like I said, I have a girlfriend."

He skirted around the girl and pushed through the crowd, trying to find Mitch again. He darted around couples, dancing pelvis to pelvis and some who were just standing in middle of the room entwined as one, before he finally saw Mitch's red hair bent over – Seth thought it was a girl, but it turned out it was a line of coke.  His friend held one nostril close while holding a straw to the other and snorted the white powder up his nose.

"Seth!  Man, good to see you.  Want to try some?"  Mitch asked, wiping his nose with the back of his hand.

Seth shook his head.

"Coke not your style?"  Mitch held out a Ziplock™ bag full of white tablets.  "How about some X.?" 

Seth didn't want any, but then he remembered how the marijuana had made him feel.  Relaxed.  Empty.  In control.  He looked at Mitch and said, "Do you have a joint?"


	9. The Rave

Thanks for all the great reviews.  They keep me writing a story that's more difficult for me to write than I imagined.  But I'm enjoying it.  The usual disclaimers apply.  OC doesn't belong to me.  But it does belong to Fox Josh Schwartz and his encourage.  Enjoy and don't forget to review.

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"Need a lighter?" Mitch asked as he put down his bag of X and dug around his pocket and pulled out a half-smoked joint. 

Seth nodded and took the joint from Mitch's outstretched hand.  He bent down, letting Mitch light it and then leaned against the wall to let the marijuana take its desired effect.  He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply holding the smoke in his mouth.  Maybe he'd ask Ryan to show him how to make smoke rings with his cigarettes, Seth thought.  Then he remembered Ryan was trying to quit smoking as per Sandy and Kirsten's request.  And Ryan hadn't been thrilled with Seth's first experimentation with drugs.  No telling how he'd react if he knew it wasn't a one-time thing for Seth.

He used his leg to kick off the wall and ambled to Mitch's other side.  He was among a group of kids, that he seemed to know, but Seth did not recognize.  They weren't from Harbor or the inner circle of Newport.  Seth wondered where his friend had hooked up with them.  They were standing around, with beers in their hands, shooting the breeze.  Looking at their beer, Seth's throat was suddenly parched and all he could think of was where could he find a Mountain Dew.

Ryan sat on the couch, with one hand swung over the back of the couch, resting on Marissa's shoulders and the other hand tightly grasping a baby monitor.  They heard Sandy and Kirsten walk in, leaving them only enough time to jump a couple of inches apart, even though they weren't doing anything wrong.

Kirsten walked in, her head resting lightly on Sandy's shoulder.  They were both smiling, a relaxed look on their faces that Ryan had not seen since before the baby was born.  Sandy had been right to insist his wife take a night off.  Suddenly, Ryan didn't mind being strong-armed into babysitting.  But the content look quickly evaporated from his adoptive parents' faces when they saw Marissa sitting on the couch next to him.

"Ryan, can I talk to you for a minute?"  Sandy's voice was razor sharp.

"Sure," said Ryan not letting his apprehension show.  He handed the baby monitor to Kirsten and said, "She's been sleeping like an angel for the last half hour.  She ate right before she fell asleep and I changed her diaper a little before that."

"Thank you, Ryan."

Marissa stood up and took her purse.  "I better get home.  I told my mom I wouldn't be too late."

"Do you need a ride?" Kirsten asked.

"No.  Thank you. I brought my car."  Marissa pecked Ryan on the cheek and waved good-bye to the Cohens and left them alone.

"I thought we told you no girls," Sandy said, not trying to conceal his anger.  "Where are Seth and Summer?  Up in their room?"

"Summer didn't come."  Ryan said quietly.  "It was only Marissa."

"So where's Seth?" Kirsten asked.  "Up in his room?  In the pool house?"

Ryan chewed on his bottom lip until he tasted blood.  He studied his shoes intently, hoping to avoid the answer.

"You heard your mother," Sandy said.  "Where's Seth?"

Ryan's head jerked up, as if ice-cold water had been splashed in his face.  Sandy and Kirsten usually didn't refer to themselves as his mother and father.  It was like a little dance they did, to spare his feelings, because he still felt attached to Dawn and Roger. 

"Seth's not here," he finally said in a barely audible whisper.

He had intended to cover for Seth, but he knew that either Sandy or Kirsten would eventually go up to the room and check to see if Seth was with Summer.  He would make it worse for everyone by lying.  Perhaps if he disguised the truth with a small white lie, he could still save Seth's butt.  Not that his brother deserved it.

"So where is he?" Kirsten demanded, irritation creeping into his voice. The content, relaxed look evaporated.  Her shoulders were slumped and the lines under her eyes and around her mouth were returning.

"His friend Mitch called.  It was an emergency.  He didn't go into details —" Seth would have to do some of his own tap dancing upon his return home — "But it sounded pretty urgent."

"But he's grounded," Kirsten cried.

"I know.  He knows.  But he knew you'd understand.  Mitch was in really bad shape.  It sounded like he needed someone bad."

"So he just left you here alone with Christina?"

"Yes.  That's when I called Marissa.  I'm sorry.  I just needed some help."

"Why didn't you call us?" asked Sandy.

"I didn't want to ruin your night out.  It's not like you ever go out anymore."

He saw from the looks on their faces that they weren't buying his story.  So he was surprised when Kirsten said, "Sandy, he did the best that he could.  We'll talk to Seth when he gets in."

"Any idea when he'll be home?"  Sandy asked.

Ryan shook his head.

"He didn't take the car," observed Kirsten.  She sat down on the sofa and peeled off her heels, massaging her aching feet.  "How'd he get there?"

"His skateboard," Ryan said quietly.

"Sounds like it was a real emergency," Sandy said, sarcasm dripping.

Kirsten put an appeasing hand on her husband's arm.  "It's not Ryan's fault.  Although," she said, turning a stern eye on him, "you shouldn't be lying for him.  We've had this conversation before, about the two of you covering for each other."

Ryan's face flushed red. 

"I'm going upstairs to check on the baby."  Kirsten stood, holding her shoes in one hand and the baby monitor on the other.  "Thanks for babysitting Ryan.  I really appreciate it."

"Anytime."

Ryan wanted to follow Kirsten up the stairs and escape to his room, but Sandy grabbed his arm.  He looked down at Sandy's hand, feeling a tightening in his chest.  No one had touched him like that since he had lived with his mother.  He knew that Sandy would never hit him, but Ryan could sense Sandy's fury with just a touch.

"It's not like Seth to abandon his responsibilities."

Ryan wondered if Sandy had noticed Seth at all lately.  For a few minutes, earlier that evening, the old Seth had returned, but that Seth hadn't been around for a while.  In his entire life Seth had probably never cut school before this year, and Ryan knew he had covered for him at least once.  Seth had never tried drugs before the other night.  It was true the old Seth would never have walked out on Ryan and his responsibility the way he had, but that Seth was slowly disappearing.

"No it isn't," Ryan agreed.  His stomach grumbled.  He realized he had forgotten to eat dinner because he had been so busy with the baby.  Once she had fallen asleep, he had been too tired to think about food.  And then there was Marissa to keep him company.

"Did you eat?" Sandy asked, not missing the rumble.

Ryan shook his head.

"I'm sure we can scare up a sandwich."  He motioned for Ryan to follow him into the kitchen.  It looked to Ryan like some of the Sandy's anger had dissipated. 

"If you and Kirsten want to go out again, I'd be happy to baby-sit again."

"Thanks," Sandy said, his head buried in the fridge looking for the ingredients of a sandwich.  "I don't think I'll be able to get Kirsten out that easily."

Ryan chewed on his sore lip again.

"I'm sorry I broke your trust."

Sandy pulled his head out of the fridge and contemplated Ryan.  "I trust you.  I trusted you tonight with one of the most precious things to me.  I know you didn't mean to do anything wrong tonight."

"But you wouldn't take Kirsten out again."

"If I can.  I will."  Sandy took a knife out of the drawer and lathered mayonnaise onto a slice of rye bread.

"I'm not mad at you, Ryan.  Neither is Kirsten."

"You both sounded pretty pissed."

"We were.  We'll get past it.  We're a lot angrier with Seth."

"He didn't mean anything by it.  His friend —"

Sandy cut him off.  "Let Seth make up his own excuses."  He finished assembling the sandwich and handed it to Ryan.  "Eat."

Seth was feeling giddy.  All thoughts of Ryan, his parents, Hope, school, had disappeared from is mind.  He had smoked the joint until it was barely a stub much to Mitch's surprise.  Everything was making Seth laugh.  But not the heat.  It was hot and stuffy in the warehouse.  The press of bodies only made things worse.  He tugged at Mitch's shirt and told his friend he was going to get some air.  As Seth pressed through the crowd he sensed his friend following him.

"It was getting lame," Mitch offered as they reached the parking lot.

"Lame.  Blame.  Hades.  It was hot as Hades in there."

"You're cracked man."

"No.  You're cracked.  You were the one doing the crack.  I'm - I'm just smoking the weed."  Seth gulped a breath of fresh air.  "Let's get out of here."

"And do what?" asked Mitch.

"I noticed a can of spray paint in your car."

"Yeah?"

"Well look behind you," Seth said, pointing to the graffiti behind him.  "It's a travesty.  Ocean County youth has defaced the walls and natural resources of this county and they don't even have the decency to do it grammatically correct."

"I snorted too much coke.  I'm not following you."

Seth skipped to the car and yanked open the front door.  He rummaged around the foot of the front seat where he had noticed the can of paint.  He found it and triumphantly held it up in the air for Mitch to see.

"I may be high as a kite, but I still have my marbles."

"If you ever had your marbles," said Mitch.

"Whatever."

Seth went back to the warehouse and stopped at the outer wall.  "Richie is a freek.  They can't even spell."  He shook the can and sprayed a line through freek and corrected to it to freak.

Mitch guffawed, as he understood what Seth was up to.  "There's got to be more.  Plenty more where that came from."

They walked around together, studying the graffiti, looking for grammatical mistakes. 

"Here.  Here.  Here," pointed Seth, like a child who'd just arrived at their favorite ride in an amusement park.

Sara Waz here.

"Can you believe these fools?"  Mitch said.  "They can't even spell a misspelling correctly."  He took the can from Seth, shook it hard and crossed out "waz" and wrote "wuz" and then crossed that out and wrote "was". 

They hit two walls of the warehouse, crossing out all the graffiti with grammatical errors, before the paint ran out.

"That was rich," Mitch said, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye.

"We should try this again."

"We should hit street signs next time.  Those are chock full of grammar errors."

"It's a date."  Seth was coming down from his high.  "Let's go eat, I'm starved."

It was three a.m. before Seth stumbled through the front door.  It was dark in the foyer, but Seth didn't turn on the light.  He groped his way through the black hall and made it to the foot of the steps when he bumped into a stocky figure.

"Good Morning Dad."

Sandy leaned over the railing and switched on the light.  Seth shielded his eyes from the sudden glow.  He didn't meet his father's steely gaze.

"Get your ass to bed.  We'll talk in the morning."


	10. Trust

Thanks for all the great reviews for the last chapter. I didn't realize so many people were reading the story! I'm sorry I didn't update sooner, but I can't always find the time to sit and write. :( I hope you enjoy this chapter. There's more good stuff coming. Just be patient with my updating schedule. Please R&R. Oh yeah. Usual disclaimers apply.

Ryan's head was buried under his pillow, but he wasn't sleeping. He had heard Christina crying at six a.m., her usual feeding time and then listened as she gurgled contently once she was fed. But he hadn't been able to fall back asleep. He listened to Sandy and Kirsten murmuring in the nursery. Their voices rose and fell and Ryan could only assume they were talking about Seth and about him and how much trouble they were both in. Though Ryan was hoping his part in all of this would be glossed over.

Groaning, Ryan rolled over and looked at the clock on his night table. It was only eight o'clock. He hadn't gotten much sleep last night, because like Sandy he had waited for Seth to come home. He had expected a scene as soon as his brother walked in the door, but Sandy's expression had been unnervingly calm. As if it was the calm before the storm. Ryan knew that something would go do down as soon as Seth woke up.

Ryan could hear Kirsten putting down the baby and winding the mobile. He heard the nursery door close gently, while Seth's bedroom door was roughly opened. The storm was starting sooner than Ryan had anticipated.

"Get up," Sandy demanded. He had stopped for a brief moment to study Seth's curls as they spilled over the top of his blanket. Sandy wondered where his innocent, obedient child had disappeared? But he knew now was not the time to get nostalgic. Now was the time to parent. To make sure Seth knew his behavior was not acceptable.

Sandy yanked the covers off of Seth's bed. "I said, get up."

Seth groaned. "It's too early Dad." He tried to pull the covers back on, but Sandy held on tight.

"Not my fault. You should have thought about that before you wandered in at three a.m."

"Yeah," Seth said, hugging his pillow and curling into a fetal position. "I'm sorry about that. Just give me a couple of more hours to sleep. Please," he begged.

"If you'd open you're eyes, you'd see I was not kidding. I want you up out of that bed now and I want you dressed and down in the kitchen in ten minutes. Every minute you waste, is another week you'll be grounded."

That got Seth's attention. He had underestimated how seriously he had pissed his father off. He had assumed that because his parents had been so distracted with Hope, that this wouldn't be a big deal. Obviously he had been wrong. He swung his legs over his bed but wouldn't meet his father's eyes. He had smoked a lot of pot early into the morning. He wasn't sure if they'd be able to tell by looking into his eyes.

"I'll be there in ten minutes," he said quietly.

Satisfied, Sandy left the room, leaving his son alone.

Seth didn't wait for Sandy to close the door. He grabbed a pair of jean from a pile of clothes on his computer chair and took the first clean tee shirt in his drawer. He didn't bother combing his hair, he just ran for the bathroom that was between his room and Ryan's. He bumped into Ryan as his brother was coming out.

"You okay?" Ryan asked. He peered into Seth's face looking for signs of drug use. He wasn't sure, but he thought Seth had used last night.

"Fine. But I won't be if I don't get downstairs in," Seth glanced down at his watch, "in six minutes."

Ryan sidestepped, getting of Seth's way.

"I won't be fine when they're finished with me."

"Sandy was pretty pissed."

Seth shrugged. "He'll get over it."

"Head's up," Ryan offered. "I told your parents that Mitch was in a really bad way last night. He desperately needed your help."

"Thanks," Seth said.

"They didn't buy it. Lectured me about covering for you."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to get you into trouble."

Ryan shrugged. "You've done it for me before. We'll probably do it again before the year's out." Ryan slapped Seth's shoulder with a wry smile. "Go brush your teeth. Your breath smells and you only have," Ryan glanced down at his watch and said, "three minutes."

"I wouldn't want to face the executioner with morning breath."

Seth was sitting on the kitchen stool nine minutes after his father's edict. His mother was in the kitchen too, dressed in a pantsuit that Seth had not seen since before the baby was born. Since Christina's birth, Kirsten's wardrobe had consisted of jeans and a tee shirt or pajamas. Seeing Kirsten dressed made Seth like he was in for it big.

Ryan slunk down the steps and quietly walked into the family room. He slid down in the corner out of sight of the kitchen, but near enough the door so that he could hear the entire conversation.

"I know I screwed up last night," Seth started, "and I'm willing to take all the punishment and lecture I deserve, but I'm starving. Is it okay if I eat?"

Sandy nodded.

Seth grabbed a bagel and sliced in half and put it in the toaster. Then he went to the fridge and grabbed a container of milk. He poured cereal into the bowl and started eating ravenously.

Ryan leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes. If he wasn't sure before, he was sure now. Seth had smoked more pot last night. He resisted the urge to bang his head against the wall and giving himself away.

Kirsten observed Seth with a weary glance. "Did you eat last night?" she asked.

Seth shook his head. "No time. I bolted out of here before Ryan and I could think about food."

Kirsten rolled her eyes. "Seth, do not talk with your mouth full."

He swallowed. "Sorry," he said, contrite. "Like I was saying, I bolted out of here before we ate. My friend Mitch called and he was in a real bad way." Seth avoided looking into Sandy and Kirsten's eyes. Instead he looked between them, trying to give the illusion that he was looking them in the eye. He had never been a great liar in the past, but this time it was important that they buy his story. If not for himself, for Ryan. So that Ryan wouldn't look like a liar. "I – I thought he was going to kill himself. He was on the edge."

"And he called you?" Sandy asked, raising a bushy brow.

"He called me."

"Why you?"

"Because I'm his only friend here in Newport. He just moved here. His mom kicked him out of his home in New York and moved him to L.A. to live with his dad that doesn't give a rat's ass about him. He's alone all the time. He's the new kid at Harbor. The geek who's taken my place, now that Summer is my girlfriend and Ryan has my back in school. He's a nobody. And I was the one he turned to when he was ready to off himself."

"Where was he?" asked Sandy, still not buying the story.

"At home."

"Where was his father?"

"At some business meeting."

"Why did you think you were equipped to deal with this yourself?"

"Who said I did?" Seth took the bagel out of the toaster and smeared it with cream cheese. He tried to suppress his appetite, but he was starving. It wasn't true that he hadn't eaten. He had. He knew it was the after effects of the marijuana. "I tried to make a couple of calls, but he saw me and threatened to hurt himself before anyone could get to his place if I went ahead of the call."

"So what did you do?" Kirsten asked. She put down her cup of coffee and leaned forward on the counter. "How'd you talk him down? It's not like you're trained to do this." She wanted to believe her son, but the story sounded so implausible.

"Tell me about it. I felt so inadequate. I just kept talking to him, trying to make him see the good things."

"And his dad didn't come home before three a.m.?"

"His dad didn't come home while I was there."

"You left him alone?"

"He made me leave. He knew I was in enough trouble."

"Why didn't you call home?" Sandy asked. He still wasn't buying it.

"I was afraid he'd think I was trying to get some help. I'm sorry Dad. I'm sorry Mom. I know I was supposed to be babysitting. But Ryan understood."

Seth finally met his parents' eyes. Would they believe him? Would they buy the story? He watched as Sandy and Kirsten exchanged looks. Somehow, his parents had this way of communicating without saying anything.

"I'm sorry Seth," Sandy finally said. "I don't believe you."

"W-w-what?" he spluttered. He had never lied to his parents like this, but they had always trusted him. It actually hurt that Sandy called him a liar, which was dumb, because he **was** lying. "I wouldn't lie. Come on, Mom. You believe me, right?"

Kirsten slowly shook her head. "We're here. You can still tell the truth."

Ryan suppressed a groan. Seth hadn't been very believable, but he had hoped that coupled with his lie, Sandy and Kirsten would buy it. Clearly, Christina hadn't dulled all their instincts. In fact, it had sharpened their BS radar.

"I'm telling the truth," insisted Seth, not feigning his indignant tone. "I'm sorry that you don't believe me." He pushed the stool back and stood up, ready to stomp out of the room.

"Sit back down," demanded Sandy in a voice that made Seth quake inside.

Seth sat.

"Right now, I don't give a damn why you left. I want to know where you were until three a.m."

"I told you, at Mitch's place."

"Mitch's father will verify this?"

"Go ahead," challenged Seth. "Call his father. Don't trust me to tell the truth?"

"Trust?" Sandy roared, slamming a hand down on the counter. "I trusted you to stay here and watch your sister. I trusted you to tell me the truth when I asked, but instead you look me straight in the face and lie."

Kirsten put a restraining hand on Sandy.

"You're grounded for another month. You still have to finish the week you got for skipping school."

"A month," cried Seth.

"Another word and I'll make it two."

"Fine," Seth spat. "Is that all?"

Sandy nodded.

"Can I go to my room now?"

"Yes."

Angrily, Seth pushed back his chair, nearly toppling it. He caught the chair, left it up right and with a glare, walked out of the kitchen.

Ryan quietly got up, stretching after being in the same position for so long and followed Seth up the stairs.

"So you heard everything?" Seth asked. He was sitting on his computer chair, hugging a pillow to his chest, swiveling back and forth.

"I was listening." Ryan settled himself on the edge of Seth's bed. He leaned forward slightly, resting his elbows on his knees.

"Now I know you're a Cohen. You were eavesdropping."

Ryan smiled.

"They think I'm a liar."

"You are."

Seth rolled his eyes. "But they should trust me!"

"Seth is that you or the dope talking?"

"What?"

"I know you smoked again last night. Is that what's making you so stupid? You did something dumb. You were caught. You tried to worm your way out of it and it didn't work. Deal with it."

"I don't want to deal with it. I want to sulk. I had plans with Summer." Seth spun around and faced his brother. "How come you didn't get grounded? When you cut school last year and I covered for you, I was grounded for a weekend."

"I'm sure my turn will come." Ryan got up and flipped through Seth's CD collection. "Seth, about this marijuana thing," he started slowly.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"I watched my mom go through that stuff all the time. She'd get giddy and crazy. At first it was nothing, but we all know how she ended up."

"And we're all watching Nana fight lung cancer, but I know you carry a pack of cigarettes in your bag."

Ryan stared at Seth. This wasn't the kid he had first met when Sandy had brought him home. There was a bitter edge to his brother's voice and he hated it. He didn't know how to deal with it.

"I'm not trying to say I'm perfect. But drugs are bad."

"Pot is harmless."

"It's not!" Ryan heard his voice rise. He fought to gain his composure. He didn't need to wake the baby or to have Sandy and Kirsten come barging in on them, demanding to know what was wrong. "And even if it is," he continued, "it won't stay with just marijuana. Next thing you know, you'll be snorting coke and that'll lead to heroin. I don't want to see you that down road. I thought I left that behind when I move here from Chino."

"I'm not Dawn. I'm just experimenting with the stuff."

For some reason that got Ryan riled up. He took three long steps towards Seth so that he was right in front of the gangly teenager and grabbed him by the shirt front.

"Sandy and Kirsten promised me that life I had in Chino was all over now that I was part of this family. Don't screw it up for me man."

"You're nuts. Get off of me." He shoved Ryan off him. "Get the hell out of my room."

Ryan just stood rooted to his spot.

"Get out now!" Seth shouted.

"Seth, please," Ryan urged.

"Now," seethed Seth.

Seeing no choice, Ryan left the room. Seth wasn't ready to listen to reason.


	11. The offer

Okay, so have I said how fabulous your reviews are?  I really enjoy getting them.  Thanks so much.  I thought I would update again, being that I had a day off (it was so kind of the country to get together and celebrate my birthday this year.  It was extremely unnecessary).  Tomorrow it's back to the grind.  So the update will be slower in coming.

Just a note as you read below.  I'm not a lawyer.  I have no knowledge of the law.  I don't know any lawyers.  Therefore, if you find any technical problems with what I've written below, please chalk it up to the willing suspension of disbelief.  As usual, I don't own the O.C. or any of its characters.  I own some of mine and took the liberty of dropping them into Josh Schwartz's fiction.

Enjoy!

            Kirsten sat in the kitchen cradling a cup of coffee in her hands when her husband ambled in and gave her a peck on the cheek.  She smiled wanly, and rubbed his arm as he headed for the coffee maker to pour his own cup.

            "It's decaf," she warned.

            Sandy shrugged.  "The caffeine isn't good for me anyway."  He sat down across from his wife and stared at her.  She was tired, but it wasn't just about the new baby anymore.  Now it was about Seth.  It had been two days since he had wandered in at three a.m. without a plausible explanation and despite the constant imploring and demanding Seth stuck to his story. 

            "Maybe Seth is telling the truth," Kirsten said, while Sandy was sitting down.  Lately, there was no need to segway into this topic.  It just popped up and they always knew what they were talking about.

            Sandy shook his head.  "I don't know.  The story doesn't hold water."

            "Maybe he's just exaggerating it a bit, but maybe this friend of his — Mitch — was really depressed.  Maybe this kid needed a friend that night."

            Sandy rubbed his chin.  He wanted to believe Seth so badly; the story just didn't make sense. 

"Seth always owned up to the truth when he was in trouble before," Kirsten continued.  "Remember when he helped Ryan runaway and the model home burned down?  As soon as he was caught, Seth admitted the truth.  He didn't try and stick to his lie."

"I know," agreed Sandy.  He took a long sip of his coffee. 

"Maybe Ryan knows what's going on."

At the mention of Ryan, Sandy glanced at his watch.  "Ryan and I have to meet with the judge today.  I'll try and talk to him."

Kirsten smiled.  "So his probation is over."

Sandy returned the smile.  "It will be.  He can finally breathe a little easier."

"We should do something to celebrate."

"I'm taking him out to eat after we meet with the judge."

"But we should do something more.  Maybe a party?"

"It'll be up to Ryan."  Sandy kissed the top of his wife's head.  "It'll be okay.  You'll see.  Seth will come around."  Sandy walked over to the counter and grabbed a bagel.  "I'm not used to seeing you up and dressed so early," he said changing the topic.

"My dad's coming by to pressure me into going back to work."

"You'll go back when you're ready.  He's got to understand that.  It's his granddaughter we're talking about!"

Kirsten sighed.  "He wants me to host a dinner party for a potential business partner."  She toyed with the edge of the runner.  "I'm just too tired to start calling the caterers and dealing with decorations."

"So don't do it."

"But if I do, then maybe I can get him off my case about going back full time.  At least for a while."

"Why can't your new stepmother handle the party?"

"Don't call Julie my stepmother!"  But Kirsten laughed.  Sandy missed her laugh.  It had been a few days since anyone in the Cohen household had cracked a smile.  "Daddy said something about the house not being set up for it," she explained.  Like her house was.  No matter where they went, someone was bound to trip over some baby paraphernalia.  "I think I might do it."

Sandy leaned over and kissed her full on the lips.  "Whatever you decide.  I better go rustle up Ryan or we'll be late to court.  And I'll put a burr under Seth to get ready for school," Sandy added, continuing his western metaphor.

Even though Ryan kept rubbing his hands on his slacks, he couldn't get them to stay dry, they were sweating so badly.  He knew the court date should go smoothly, but for some reason, he was convinced that something would go wrong. Didn't it always?  Wasn't that the Ryan Atwood luck?  He looked into the mirror one last time, decided the tie wasn't cutting it, and it would be okay to enter the courtroom with a light blue button down dress shirt and slacks.  It was still dressier than a prison jump suit.

He turned away from the mirror and took a deep breath.  _You're not just Ryan Atwood anymore, _he reminded himself_._  _You're Ryan Atwood-Cohen_.  Everything would work out fine.

It didn't work out fine, but not in the way Ryan imagined.  Court went smoothly.  The judge congratulated him on completing his probation without incident.  He admonished Ryan to stay out of trouble and to make sure this was the last time he stood on that side of the courtroom, unless he became a defense lawyer.  Ryan couldn't help but grin at that.  Before he had met Sandy, being a lawyer would never have been an option.  Now Ryan was worrying about his SATs and looking over college applications.  Finally, the judge concluded by signing off on the paperwork and Ryan was free to go.

The celebration Sandy promised him turned out to be an interrogation about Seth.  Did Ryan know where Seth had gone that night?  Why had he returned so late?  Who was he with?  What was he doing?  Since Seth had stopped talking to Ryan after their argument, he could only answer Sandy truthfully.  He didn't know.  But Sandy never asked why the boys weren't talking anymore.  It seemed like his adoptive father hadn't noticed that every time Ryan walked into the room, Seth walked out.

"I'm sorry, Sandy," Ryan said for the umpteenth time during their late lunch, "But I just don't know."

"You don't have to cover for him," Sandy assured. 

"I'm not.  Really.  Seth won't tell me.  He keeps saying that he was with his friend Mitch and that Mitch was on the brink."  Ryan toyed with the straw in his drink.  He had ordered a coke, but with Sandy's barrage of questions, he wouldn't have minded adding some rum to it.

"Do you think Seth could be telling the truth?"

Ryan hesitated.  "Sure," he said, but Sandy didn't miss the slight pause before Ryan answered.

"That's what I was afraid of."

Sandy finally changed the topic from Seth to what colleges Ryan was looking at.  He was surprised that Ryan was only considering local colleges, but glad that he wanted to stay close to home.  By the time the food came, Sandy had been diverted from the topic of Seth.

"Where's Dad?" Seth asked, coming into the kitchen.  He opened the fridge and pulled out a carton of orange juice.

Kirsten warily looked up from the papers she was looking over.  Seth hadn't sounded even mildly pleasant to either her or Sandy since they had grounded him.  "He and Ryan had court today," she answered. 

"I know that.  But they're not back?"

"Your father took Ryan out to celebrate after."

"Oh."  Seth tried not to look or sound as disappointed as he felt.  When Sandy had first told Ryan about his court date and the celebration, Seth had hoped he might be included.  He knew there was no chance of that now that he was grounded and he really didn't feel like dealing with Ryan, but there was a queasy, left-out feeling in the pit of Seth's stomach.

Kirsten put her papers aside, hoping to have a few more minutes of pleasant conversation with her first-born-son.

"How's school going?  How much longer will you have to serve detention?"

"School's fine and I have two more days of detention," Seth responded automatically, turning his back to his mother.  He didn't want to talk and pretend everything was normal.  But even with his back to his mother, he could see her mouth starting to open to say something else, but Seth heard his sister cry.  "I'll get her," he said and walked out of the room, ending their conversation.

            Seth leaned back on the grass and placed his headphones over his ears and closed his eyes, shielding them from the strong California sun.  It was his lunch hour, but Mitch was in the library pulling some research together for a report he had due the next day.  He had promised it would only be a couple of minutes.

            He didn't hear the footsteps approach, but felt the shadow fall over him.  His eyes popped open and sat up abruptly at the sight of Summer.  

            "Hey," he said, pulling off his headphones.  "Don't you have class?"

            She held up a slip of paper.  "Pass to the nurse," she said with a mischievous glint in her eyes.  She doubled over and clutched her stomach.  "I had terrible cramps," she claimed in a chocked voice.  "It's that time of month."  Giggling, she dropped down beside him.  "Coop will get my things for me after class."

            "That is so devious of you.  So tell me, why is it that you chose to use your feminine wiles today?"

            Summer pushed her boyfriend down on the grass and rolled on top of him.  "That's why," she said, planting a kiss on his lips.  She ran her tongue over his lips and gently prodded until Seth's lips parted and thrust his tongue into her mouth.

            "Jeez, I've missed you," he moaned.

            "Any chance of a reprieve?" she asked.  "Do you think your parents will cave with this grounding?"  She rolled off of him, lay on her side, and propped up her head with her elbow.

            Seth ran his fingers through her lush black hair.  "No," he said, shaking his head.  "I doubt it.  They're pretty pissed at me."

            "It was a pretty dumb thing to do," she said. 

            "Yep.  Lately dumb is my middle name."

            "Why'd you do it?" She asked, raking her nails through his hair.

            Seth shrugged.  "Mitch called. His plan sounded like fun.  I'm just sorry I didn't include you."  He leaned in and kissed her again.  "I love you Summer Roberts.  I'm sorry I don't get to see you more often."

            She kissed him back.  "Well just make sure you behave.  Maybe you'll get time off for good behavior."

            He laughed.  "I doubt it.  But I'll try."

            In the distance they heard the jangle of bells, signaling the end of the period. 

            "I should go," she said, stealing one more kiss. 

"Yeah.  So should I."  He didn't let go, but kept on kissing his girlfriend.

"Okay, okay, no sex on the lawn," a voice from above came. 

Seth and Summer hastily pulled apart and looked up. 

"Mitch!  You prick," cried Summer.  She stood up, brushed off her capris.  "Cohen, I'm going back to class.  Don't be late."

"Yes Mom."

He waved good-bye and looked longingly at Summer's receding figure.  Rolling onto his back, he said,  "I don't want to go home."

"That bad?  Huh?"

"I don't know.  I just wish I had something to get through all those endless hours."  It wasn't like he was talking to any of his family members except Hope.  And she was too young to talk back.

"Will some pot help?"

"It would.  But I don't have any."

Mitch shrugged.  "I can give you some."  He opened his backpack and rummaged through it.  Finally he pulled out a small Ziploc™ bag.  Inside was some loose marijuana and three or four rolled joints.

"It's all yours," he said.

Seth looked at the bag and hesitated for a brief moment before taking it and stuffing it into his own bag.  Maybe he wouldn't need, but at least it was there for him just in case.


	12. The Dinner

The reviews have been wonderful and where as I was dragging in the beginning of the story, I've really started to like it.  I hope you like this update as much as I do.  And as usual, I don't own the O.C. or any of its characters. Sniff. Sniff.

            Sandy stood in front of the full-length mirror in his bedroom wrestling with a tie.  "When I said I thought you should do what's best, I didn't think I'd be putting on another tie." 

He was yet again playing host at another dinner party, this time for his father-in-law Caleb.  Kirsten had decided to do him the favor after all in exchange for a few more weeks of maternity leave.  She wasn't eager to go back to work with the new baby, but didn't have the courage to commit as a stay-at-home mom.

            "What did you think?"  Kirsten was sitting by her vanity mirror, working with her cover-up to hide the dark bags under her eyes.  Last time she had seen her father's new bride, Julie had snidely commented that there was make-up that could conceal Kirsten's sleepless nights. 

            Sandy sighed.  "I wasn't thinking.  If I had been, I would have tried to convince you not to do this."  He pulled the end of the tie into the loop he created and pulled the knot up to his chin.  "I'll go check on the boys."

            He knocked softly on Seth's door and walked in without waiting for an answer.  His son was wearing a white button down shirt that wasn't tucked into his dark jeans and a sports jacket over it. 

            "We don't wait for an answer here anymore?" Seth asked.

            "Sorry.  I was just checking to see if you were ready."

            Seth sighed.  "I'm grounded.  Doesn't that mean I have to stay in my room and think about what I did?  I shouldn't have to sit through such an enjoyable dinner."

            Sandy couldn't hide his smile. "I think this will be more of a punishment.  What do you think?"

            "Well then, can I at least see if Summer can come?  Ryan is going to have Marissa to keep him company."

            Caleb was dragging both his stepdaughters to his idea of a family business dinner.  Seth's grandfather had become strangely familial since his marriage to Julie Cooper.

            "I don't know," said Sandy. 

            "Come on, Dad.  Be fair," Seth whined. 

            "Okay," relented Sandy.  "Do you think she can make it here on such short notice?"

            Seth shrugged.  "I'll call and find out."  

But he knew she'd be ready, because Seth had already invited her at school.  He had decided either he would either wriggle permission from one of his parents beforehand or he'd deal with the consequences later.  Sandy and Kirsten were too polite to throw Summer out if she were to suddenly arrive and it wasn't like they could do much more than ground him for another month.

            Sandy playfully slapped his son's arm.  "You look great.  I'm going to check on Ryan."

            Ryan didn't know why this dinner was such a big deal to Kirsten, but he put on a jacket and tie anyway.  He looked into his closet surprised at how many ties he had collected in the year since had moved in with the Cohens.  In Chino he hadn't even owned a tie.  Here he wore one practically every other day.  He fiddled with the knot, so it wasn't so tight at the neck and smoothed down his hair one final time.

            He heard Christina cry and yanked his door open to find Sandy standing at his door ready to knock.

            "I'll get the baby," Ryan said.

            Sandy nodded, then called out.  "Put one of those cloth diapers on your shoulder in case she spits up."

            Ryan turned briefly and rolled his eyes and went to his sister's nursery.  He did what Sandy had instructed, because he didn't feel like changing his jacket or having spit up all over his shoulder.

            "Hey baby," he said sweetly.  "Need some TLC?  No one paying attention to you with this big party going on?"  There hadn't been many Cohen galas since Christina's birth with the exception of a small celebration to welcome her into the family.  That had been two months ago and Ryan hadn't missed not being dragged to one Newport event after another.

            "Is she okay?"

            Ryan turned and saw Kirsten behind her.  She looked beautiful, with her hair swept up in a chignon and make-up delicately applied to highlight all of her features.  She wore a simple red dress that cinched at her waist and faired out into a full skirt.

            "She's fine," he answered.  "You look beautiful."

            Kirsten smiled.  "Thank you."  She fixed his collar, glad that Ryan no longer recoiled at her touch.  "You look quite dashing yourself."

            Ryan smiled but the heat still rose to his cheeks. 

            "I'll take her," offered Kirsten.

            "Will you have someone to help out with her during dinner?"

            His adoptive mother shook her head.  "But I haven't been cooking and I definitely won't be serving, so I think I'll be okay to hold my daughter for a while."

            "I can hold her."

            Kirsten shook her head.  "Marissa will be there.  Dad's new business associate will be bringing his son, who's also a senior at Harbor.  You young people will be busy."

            Reluctantly, Ryan gave Kirsten the baby. 

            "Do you know who this kid is?  Maybe I know him?" Ryan asked as they left the nursery and started down the stairs.

            Kirsten shook her head.  "Didn't ask my dad.  Sorry.  But it's not a big school.  I'm sure you've at least seen him around."

            "We'll see."

            The bell rang just as they reached the bottom of the stairs.  Ryan went for the door, but Sandy reached it first.  He watched Sandy cordially, if not stiffly, shake Caleb's hand and offer a Julie a perfunctory kiss.

            "Hey Caitlin," Ryan said, giving Marissa's little sister a high five.  "How are you doing?"

            "Well, thank you," she said politely and walked away from Ryan to Kirsten.  "Is she really my niece?" asked the little girl, excitedly.  "Mommy said Christina was my niece now that she and Caleb are married."

            Kirsten coughed hard, while Marissa buried her head in Ryan's shoulder.

            "Um, I guess, she is." Kirsten said with a smile.  "I hadn't thought of that."

            "Can I hold her?"

            "Oh, I'm sorry sweety.  She's a little fussy now.  I better keep her."

            Marissa grabbed Ryan by the hand and pulled him from the foyer until they were alone in the family room.  She pinned Ryan against the wall and gave him a long luscious kiss.  "You smell nice."

            "Cologne," he said huskily.  He bent his head forward and kissed her deeply.  "I'll need to make sure we get some alone time tonight."

            "We need an alone weekend." 

In the background, they could hear the doorbell ring again.

"Ryan," Sandy called from the other room.  "Can you please go and find Seth."

Grudgingly, they pulled apart and Ryan left the room to find his brother.  He took the steps two at a time sharply rapped on Seth's bedroom door and walked in when no one answered.

"Hey Seth.  I think Summer's here."

"Jeez, Ryan doesn't anyone around here knock?"  Seth scrambled to extinguish the joint he was smoking, but Ryan saw it anyway.

Ryan just stood there for a moment, unable to move.  He shook himself as if to snap out of a daze.  "In the house?  Are you nuts?  What if I was Sandy or Kirsten?"

"Well you aren't."

"Seth, this is really becoming a problem."

"It's like the third time I've tried it."

"But you're doing it in the house now.  You're not even trying to hide it."

"It's not a problem."  He opened the top drawer in his desk and stuck the joint inside.  "I promise.  I can handle this."

Ryan knew Seth was wrong.  He had seen this too many times before.  His mother had tried to clean up her act countless of times.  She would stop for a few days, but when the shakes got too bad, she would light up again or start to snort some coke.  Then she would mix it with alcohol, whatever alcohol she could get her hands on.  Whether it was Jack Daniels, Vodka, or cough medicine when she was really desperate.  He didn't want to see Seth go down the same road as his mother.  He wouldn't let Seth go down that road.  He wouldn't let someone else he loved lose their life to drugs and alcohol.

"It'll be fine," Seth reassured Ryan one more time.  "Let's just go downstairs before Mom or Dad come up to check up on us."

"Wait," Ryan commanded, holding up his hand and stopping Seth in his tracks.  "Who gave you the drugs?  Where'd you buy it?"

Seth tried to walk past Ryan, but Ryan held him back.

"I didn't buy it.  Someone gave it to me. I wouldn't even know where to buy it."

"Who gave it to you?"

"Ryan, you're not my mother.  Stop interrogating me."

"Was it Mitch?"

"Hey, Seth, Ryan.  Everyone's waiting for you.  Caleb's business associate arrived."  Sandy came up to the room and stopped when he saw the expressions on his sons' faces.  "Everything okay?"

"Everything's fine," Ryan said after a brief pause.  "We were just debating something that happened in school."

"Okay," Sandy said slowly.  "We better get down, before your mom kills us with her glare."

"I thought that was Ryan's m.o.," mumbled Seth. 

            Seth was expecting to see Summer at the bottom of the stairs and she was.  She stood beside the tall, gangly, redheaded son of his grandfather's business associate.

            "Seth!" Caleb said with a genuine smile.  "Turns out you already know Mr. Weider's son."

            Seth swallowed.  "I do.  What a surprise."

            He came down the last step and extended his fist to Mitch, who bumped knuckles with him. 

            "Ryan," Caleb asked.  "Do you know Mitch?"

            "We met once in school.  Hey," Ryan said.  He quickly shook Mitch's hands and walked to Marissa's side. 

            "That's the look I usually save for Caleb," Marissa whispered to Ryan while everyone broke into conversation.  "What's up?"

            "I'm going to beat that kids' ass."  Suddenly, Ryan wished Luke hadn't moved to Portland.  Luke would have Ryan's back and help him take care of this kid. 

            "What's going on?"

            "I can't explain now." 

            Kirsten was signaling for everyone to move into the dining room.

            "What's wrong with Cohen?" Summer asked coming up to Ryan and Marissa.

            "What do you mean?"  Ryan dug his hands in his pants pockets and looked down at his shoes.

            "He's just acting funny.  He barely said hello to me.  What took you so long to get him down here anyway?"

            "He couldn't decide what to wear," Ryan said quickly, briefly catching Summer's disbelieving glower.

            Marissa covered her mouth as she did something that was between a snort and a giggle.

            "Seriously, Chino.  He's acting strange... for Cohen that is."

            "Neither of us expected Mitch to be here.  He's probably weirded out by it."

            It took a few minutes for Kirsten to decide on the seating arrangements.  Finally, it was decided that Caleb would sit at the head with Julie on his right and Andrew Weider on his left.   Sandy and Kirsten sat across from each other while the teenagers and Caitlin dominated the end of the table.

            "This way you won't be bored with all our business talk," Mr. Weider said.

            "What deal are you working on?" Ryan asked curiously.  He had worked for the Newport Group during the summer.  And even though he wasn't much more than a gofer, he had been familiar with some of the projects that were underway.

            "Your grandfather and I are working on a deal to develop some property out of town.  Riverside, actually."

            Julie coughed when nearly all eyes turned to look at her.  "Riverside.  That's a — lovely place. Kirsten," she said, changing the subject.  "You did a lovely job with the table setting.  Where did you find these flowers?  They're scent is just divine."

            Kirsten took Julie's bait and continued the conversation.  Dinner was a three course meal, starting with an appetizer, then a cold soup and finally the entrée'.  Ryan picked at his food while he was forced to make small talk with Mitch.  Every time he looked at Seth's dealer, he pictured his fist slamming into the other boy's nose.  He could almost taste the blood that was inevitability land on his raw knuckles.

            "Mom, Dad, is it okay if we go into the family room now?" Seth asked.  "I have a playstation game that Mitch hasn't played yet."

            Sandy eyed his wife across the table.  Seth saw them hesitating.  Apparently, so did Mr. Weider.

            "Let the kids go.  We're just boring them," he said.

            "I'll just watch," Seth assured them, realizing this was about him being grounded.  "I just want Mitch to see it."

            "Okay," agreed Sandy.  "Just keep the volume down."

            The teenagers pushed back their chairs and left the adults to talk amongst themselves.  Seth put the game in for Mitch and handed him the controller.

            "Why don't I play with someone?" Mitch asked.  "Seth?"

            "Grounded.  That's why they were hedging about lettings us go.  Ryan why don't you play?  I'm going to show Summer what we've done to the Pool House."

            Ryan watched Seth take Summer by the hand and pull her out of the room.  It seem like Seth had every intention of continuing where he and Summer had left off earlier that week.

            "I've missed you," Seth said in the pool house.

            Summer looked around.  "I like what you've done with the place."  Aside from new shades, they hadn't updated the pool house since Ryan had moved into the big house.

            Seth pushed Summer down onto the bed and fell on top of her.

            "Can we?" he asked eagerly.  "It's been so long."

            "Cohen!  Are you smoking weed?  Anyone can walk in on us.  I'm not doing it here.  I'm grounding you from sex until you get yourself ungrounded.  I like doing it in my bedroom much better."

            "That's not going to happen anytime soon.  You saw them in there!" he complained. 

            Summer rolled out from under him.  "You better figure out something soon," she whined.  "I miss you."  She buried her face into his chest. 

            "Nice house," Mitch commented as his fingers tapped the controller buttons in rapid succession.  "Is there more to it?"

            Ryan glanced away from the screen.  "No.  There's just a family room and dining room.  It only looks big from the outside."

            "It suddenly got frigid in here."

            Marissa studied Ryan trying to figure him out.  It wasn't like Ryan to be so sarcastic.

            "Why don't you give Mitch a tour?" Marissa suggested.  She regretted her words instantly.  If looks could kill, she would be mincemeat.  But Ryan was too polite to say anything in front of their guest.

            "You want to see the place?"

            "Don't sounds so thrilled."

            "Do you want to see the place?" Ryan repeated.

            "Sure."  Mitch paused the game and stood.  "Where'd Seth go?"

            "He took Summer to the pool house.  They wanted some privacy."

            Mitch smiled knowingly and Ryan realized that he was no longer Seth's sole confidant.

            Ryan took Mitch upstairs and pointed out some of the rooms, reverting to his monosyllabic exchanges.  He was always careful with his words, but with each day, as he grew more comfortable in the Cohen household, conversation had been easier.  But each polite word to Mitch was like eating glass.

            "This is the pool."

            "Sweet."

            Ryan whirled around to face Mitch.  "I want you to stop giving drugs to my brother."

            "I don't know what you're talking about."  Mitch's voice was steady as a rock.

            "I saw the pot."

            "And Seth said I gave it to him?"

            "Who else would give it to him?  Seth has never touched drugs in his life.  Suddenly he becomes your friend and he's doing it all the time.  Seth has never been in trouble until he met you?"

            "So what about that incident where he helped you run away last summer?" Mitch retorted.  "What?  Are you jealous that I'm taking your place in Seth's life?"

            Ryan clenched his fist at his sides and took a menacing step closer.  "Don't… give…. my…. Brother…. Drugs.  Understood?"

            "Get a life."

            Ryan couldn't hold it in any longer.  This kid was as slick as the dealers he knew back in Chino.

            "How much of a cut does your dad get for all your sales?"

            Mitch threw his head back and laughed.  "Now you're calling my father a drug dealer?"

            Ryan was nose to nose with Mitch.

            "You mean, you're dad doesn't get a cut of all your sales?  What type of dealer is he?"

            "I told you—"

            Ryan wasn't listening to Mitch anymore.  He thought he heard the sound of the adults coming towards the pool area.  He needed to end the conversation quickly.

            But then Mitch whispered.  "I didn't sell him the drugs. I don't do sales.  I just had some extra pot.  I'm not so into it anymore and I gave him a bit.  What's the big deal Chino?  You never did any drugs with your first mommy?"   

Ryan didn't think, he just took his balled up fist and threw it at Mitch's jaw.  As usual his aim was pitch perfect.  Before Mitch could recover himself, he jabbed him in the stomach over and over again until Mitch was doubled over trying to protect his stomach, to shocked to throw a punch back.

            Ryan was so blinded with rage he didn't hair the voices running from every direction.  He only felt the strong arms of Sandy and Caleb pulling him off of Mitch.


	13. Consequences

Thanks for all the rave reviews.  True there are some similarities to Mitch and Oliver, but I hope that those similarities ended in the last chapter.  I hated Oliver and the entire storyline.  I plan to take this in a different direction.  In any case, enjoy the chapter.  And please review. I don't own the O.C. or any of its characters.

Mitch was on his knees, gasping for air.  His stick straight hair was disheveled and a small trickle of blood was running out of his nose.  He wiped it with the back of his hand, but more kept coming down.

"What the hell is going on?" asked Caleb.

            Ryan wriggled in Sandy's firm grip.  He was breathing hard, winded from the exertion of trying to beat the crap out of Mitch.  He didn't try to answer Caleb.  He knew opening his mouth would get him into deeper water.

            Seth and Summer ran out of the pool house when they heard the commotion, just as the patio door opened and Mr. Weider rushed to his son's side.

            "Are you okay, Mitch?  Can you get up?"

            Mitch nodded and gingerly stood with the help of his father.  "I- it's not Ryan's fault."

            "It's not?" snorted Mr. Weider.  "What? Did a dybbuk take over this boy and start using you as a punching bag?"

            "Ryan, do you care to explain?" Kirsten asked.  The tone of her voice clearly said it was not a request.

            By now, everyone, including Julie was standing around the pool staring at the scene.  Julie held her daughters at bay, even though Marissa was squirming to get near Ryan.  Seth and Summer stood halfway between the pool house and everyone else, mouths hanging open.  No one noticed them, and that was good for Seth, because they would ask why his face was ashen, as if all the blood was drained from his body.  It was how he felt; weak and listless with a gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach.

            Ryan was silent; the only sound coming from him was his rapid breathing.

            "Ryan, apologize right now," demanded Sandy.

            No response. 

            Sandy stared at his son in disbelief, and used every ounce of self-control not to shake him hard.  Physical violence was not the way to get through to Ryan.  He knew that, but what had gotten into him?  What on earth could have provoked Ryan to revert to his old ways?

            "Ryan, are you going to apologize?"  Still no answer.  Sandy turned to his wife, who shrugged helplessly.  "Go to your room, Ryan," Sandy said in a deceptively calm voice.

            Ryan stared at Sandy in disbelief.  His room?  No one had ever sent him to his room before.  Dawn used to yell at him to get out of her line of vision, but she never actually sent him to his room.  When she yelled at him to get lost, he'd either hide in his cubbyhole of a room or run out of the house and hang out somewhere until he thought it was safe to come back.  Ryan's eyes searched the faces of everyone standing there, not sure what to do.

            "Really," Mitch said, still breathless.  "I dared him to do it.  It just got out of hand."

            "What are you talking about Mitchell?" Mr. Weider tenderly studied his son's face, feeling the nose for broken bones.  He stopped when Mitch winced.  "You asked this boy to punch you?"

            Mitch's eyes were glued to Ryan and Seth.  He started to open his mouth, but Ryan didn't wait to hear what he had to say.  He tugged himself free of Sandy's grip and went to his room.

            "I'm so sorry about this, Mr. Weider," Kirsten said.  "I assure you this is not at all like Ryan.  I don't know what go into him."

            "Not like Ryan?" scoffed Julie. 

Caleb placed a restraining hand on her shoulder and Julie took the hint.  He didn't need his wife make things worse.  Perhaps they could still salvage the lucrative deal he and Andrew Weider were working on as soon as things calmed down.

"Look," Mitch said, speaking easier now that he caught his breath again.  "Ryan and I haven't gotten along since we met.  Every time we see each other we egg each other on.  It could have been me who threw the first punch, but it just happened to be Ryan."

"Why wouldn't you get along?" Sandy asked.

Mitch shrugged.  "We just don't.  Dad, do you think we could go home?"

Mr. Weider nodded.  "We'll show ourselves out."  He walked back through the kitchen and out through the front door, not even acknowledging the dinner Kirsten had coordinated.

As soon as Mitch left, Seth let go of Summer's hand.  He hadn't realized how tightly he had been holding onto his girlfriend.

"Finally," she said.  "Your grip was like a vise."

"Sorry," he mumbled.  He watched Sandy and Kirsten excuse themselves and go inside.

"Ryan's in big trouble, isn't he?" Summer asked.  "Didn't he promise your parents no more fights?"

"That was like a million years ago."

"Why was Mitch trying to cover for him?" Marissa asked, approaching her friends.

Seth shook his head and then nervously ran his hand through his hair.  "I don't know."  He wasn't looking at the girls, but he was watching his parents quietly conversing in the kitchen.

"Ryan doesn't even know Mitch," Marissa insisted.

"He does," Seth said, his attention turning back to the girls.  "He met him at school.  Mitch and I hang out."

"So what are you trying to say?" Marissa asked, putting her hands on her hips.  "Ryan is jealous of your friendship with Mitch?"

Sandy was pacing back and forth in the kitchen, running his hand through his shaggy hair. 

"Stop pacing, Sandy.  You're making me dizzy."

"I just can't believe he punched this kid.  What got into him?"

"I don't know.  We need to talk to him, but first you need to calm down."

Sandy stopped pacing and leaned against the counter, staring out the window to the backyard.  "Mitch is the new kid Seth has been hanging out with."

"I think so," agreed Kirsten, coming up behind her husband.

"Maybe he's jealous about all the time Seth and Mitch are spending together."

"We need to talk to him."

"Oh come on, Kirsten," Sandy said whirling around, "you know Ryan better than that.  He'll never tell us what this is all about."

"I see that the more we talk about this the angrier you're going to get.  So go upstairs, before you ruin any chance of having a civil conversation with your son."

"Are you coming?" Sandy asked.

"Of course!"

Ryan had considered leaving when he left the scene at the pool, but he was afraid if he left, they might not let him back in.  So instead, Ryan did what Sandy had commanded and went to his room and waited.  At first, he sat on the edge of his bed and looked down at his hands, wondering why they sometimes had a mind of his own.  After ten minutes, when no one showed up to yell at him, Ryan lay back on his bed and stared up at the ceiling, wondering how he would explain things to Sandy and Kirsten.  He knew one thing for sure, he could not tell them the truth.  That was impossible.

There was a soft knock on his bedroom door, but they didn't wait for an answer.  Ryan scrambled into a sitting position, but didn't meet Sandy and Kirsten's eyes. 

"You want to explain where that came from?"  Sandy leaned against Ryan's desk, while Kirsten took the chair.  "You hardly know Mitch. What could he have said or done to make you punch him like that?"

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, hastily, looking down at his hands.

"Look at us, Ryan!"

He swallowed hard and looked up at his adoptive parents.

"This isn't like you," started Kirsten.

His eyes slid back to the floor.  From a distance, they heard the small pitiful cry of the baby.  Kirsten sighed heavily and stood up.  "I'll go get Christina."

"Let Seth take her," insisted Sandy.

"Seth is still outside with the girls.  He probably won't hear her.  I'll calm her down and be right back."

The fluttering in Ryan's stomach grew worse as soon as Kirsten shut the door behind her.  Sandy's expression was just pissed.  In his old life, with Roger and Dawn and Trey and A.J. or one of the other boyfriends that meant that someone was about to beat the shit out of him.  While he was certain that was not about to happen with Sandy, he couldn't help being afraid of the verbal beating he was about to receive.  Sometimes he thought that was worse than any of the cuts, bruises, or broken bones he had endured while he lived with his so called family in Chino.

"Why would you hit a guest in our house?  We taught you better than that."

Ryan's eyes jumped to Sandy's face.  He was talking as if Ryan had grown up in Newport under the Cohen's roof, as if the past year could erase the sixteen years in Chino before he had helped his brother steal a car.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled again.

Sandy's fist slammed down on the desk.  "Sorry just won't cut it.  You've got to fight your nature on this and you've got to talk to us.  Make Kirsten and I understand."

Ryan's eyes darted around the room and suppressed an ironic laugh.  Kirsten wasn't even the room.  Why was he bringing her into this?  As usual, Kirsten was busy with the baby. 

"What do you want me to say?" Ryan shouted.  "That I'm a screw up?  I know that already.  I messed up."

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why Ryan?  Yeah, you've lost your cool lots of times.  You beat up Luke Ward to protect Seth.  You slugged Greg Fisher to protect me.  You beat up a team full of jocks to watch Luke's back.  When you strike, you're usually protecting someone? So who are you protecting and why are you protecting them?" 

In the kitchen Sandy had assumed this was a jealousy thing, but as his words flew out, he knew he was on the right track.  He was certain of it as soon as he saw the deer in the headlights look on Ryan's face.

"I'm not protecting anyone."

"Bull shit.  Who are you protecting?" he insisted.

"The kid annoys me.  He has from the first day I met him.  Every time I want some alone time with Seth he's there.  Today, he was rubbing it in my face, so I smashed his smug little—"

"Bull Shit," Sandy said again, but in a softer voice.  "That was what I thought at first, but I don't believe it anymore.  Is this kid bothering Marissa?  Is he trying to horn in on your girlfriend?  I can't help you unless you tell me the truth."

"It's not my problem if you won't believe me."

Ryan jumped up from the edge of the bed and looked around the room, trying to find a way to escape.  Sandy was still leaning against the desk, which was right next to the door.  If he tried to leave that way, Sandy was sure grab him on the way out.  Ryan felt trapped as if the walls were closing in on him.  Aside from the window, which was two stories up, there was no escaping Sandy's angry glare.

"I'll believe the truth when I hear it."

"So the truth is what you want it to be.  You've made up your mind about me, just like Kirsten did when I first came to stay with you."

"That's not fair, Ryan."

"But it's true."

"No it's not."

"Sit down," ordered Sandy.  "Sit," he commanded again, when Ryan just stood there.  He got off from the desk and took a menacing step towards Ryan, who cowered from his adoptive father and sat back down on the edge of his bed.

Kirsten came back in, catching the last of their wordless exchange and looked from her husband to her son trying to catch up on what she missed.

"Ryan," she said softly.  "Your behavior was absolutely inappropriate.  If there's one thing we tried to teach you over and over again is that you should not use your fists to work out your differences."

Ryan studied the pattern in his carpet, but didn't say a word.

"Do you have anything that can help us understand?"  Even though she had missed a lot, she sensed that Ryan hadn't told Sandy what the fight had been all about.  "Did he punch you first?"

"No. I punched him.  He didn't have a chance to hit me."  He tried not to sound proud, but that night Ryan had learned that Mitch, much like Seth, was not a fighter.  If Seth didn't see the light, then Ryan knew he was bound to use his fists again and it helped that he probably wouldn't get creamed while doing it. 

Sandy didn't miss the satisfied tone in Ryan's comment.  He just shook his head helplessly, not sure where to go from here.  Ryan certainly wasn't talking.

"What are you going to do?" Ryan finally asked.  He had been afraid to ask, because in the back of his mind he always feared that this was the thing that finally pushed Sandy and Kirsten over the edge and send him packing.  The adoption papers they had signed last summer hadn't given him the security they thought it would.

Sandy and Kirsten exchanged glances.  They had not gotten as far as discussing his punishment in the kitchen; they had been so intent on finding out what had been behind the outburst.   Sandy felt like he was flying without a broomstick.

"For one," he said harshly, "you're going to call the Weiders and apologize to both Mitch and his father.  And you're going to sound like you mean it."

Ryan looked at his feet.  "What else?"

"You're grounded.  Same as Seth."

"For how long?"

"Until you can open up and tell us the truth behind this whole fiasco."

Ryan jerked his head up, as if he wanted to cry out that it wasn't fair.  But he never argued about how the Cohens punished him.  He just took what they dished out without a word.  Kirsten eyed her sandy-haired son and dared him to protest.  She wanted him to argue like a normal teenager. She knew her husband was being unfair.  Ryan knew Sandy was being unfair.  But Ryan didn't accept her challenge.

The baby started crying again.  Kirsten sighed and walked out of the room to get her.  As soon as she left Sandy picked up the phone on Ryan's night table and handed it to his son.

"What?"

"You're going to call the Weiders and apologize."

"Now?"

"No time like the present."

"But Sandy, Mr. Weider will still be pretty pissed.  Let them cool down first."

"Now."  His voice left no room for argument. 

Ryan took the phone from him.  "Can I do this alone?"

"No," he said simply.

With a sigh, Ryan dialed information and found the Weider's number.  He dialed and let it ring.  He was about to hang up after three rings and tell Sandy that no one was answering, but on the fourth ring someone picked up.

"Andrew Weider."

"Mr. Weider, this is Ryan Atwood-Cohen."  His voice shook and he hesitated a beat when he added the Cohen to his name.  Sandy didn't miss it and wanted to put a reassuring arm around Ryan.  He realized that his son would always question how far he could push them. 

"What do you want?" the man said coldly.

"I wanted to apologize."  Sandy nodded approvingly.  "I – What I did was uncalled for and inappropriate and I'm sorry for my behavior.  It won't happen again."

Andrew Weider just grunted at the other end of the phone.

"Is it okay if I talk to Mitch? I owe him an apology too."  Ryan would have rather chewed on nails, than apologize to Mitch, but Sandy was towering over him, leaving him no choice.

Mr. Weider didn't say anything.  But the line went silent on the other end and Ryan could only assume Mr. Weider was getting Mitch on the phone.  Finally, he heard some scuffling and a hesitant, "hello."

"Mitch, it's Ryan.  I'm calling to apologize."  He resisted the urge to say, Sandy is calling to make me apologize, because he knew that would only rile Sandy.

"Okay."

"So, I'm sorry about earlier tonight.  I shouldn't have hit you."

"But you're not really sorry, are you?"

Ryan looked up at Sandy and realized he couldn't hear Mitch's end of the conversation.  "True."

"You'd do it again, if you could."

"Probably."

"So is your dad standing over you?"

"Yes."

"I thought so."

"So can we call it a truce?"

"Is that what you want?"

"No," admitted Ryan.  What he wanted was for Mitch to stay out of Seth's life, but he couldn't say that with Sandy hanging around.

"So we're back to square one."

"I guess so.  Sorry."  He hung up the phone and looked up at Sandy.  "Satisfied?"

"Not really.  I wish you could open up to me."  He ruffled the top of Ryan's head affectionately.  "Get some rest, kid.  We'll talk about this more in the morning."

Inwardly, Ryan groaned.

Ten minutes later, Seth quietly knocked on Ryan's door. 

"They haven't come charging up to me, demanding to know the truth, so I assume you didn't tell them anything about the marijuana."

"That's right," Ryan said.  He was looking through his backpack, double-checking he had everything and that all his homework was done.

"I guess I should thank you."

"Just stop doing the drugs."

"You didn't have to hit him.  I mean Mitch has nothing to do with it."

"He admitted it.  He's your supplier.  What did you expect me to do?"

"You don't have to do anything, Ryan.  This is not your problem.  This is my problem and it's _not_ a problem.  Just stay out of it."

"I can't."

"Why get yourself into trouble?  I mean, what did they do?"

"Ground me."

"For how long?"

"Indefinitely."

Seth raised his brows and whistled softly.  "Don't help me out.  It's not worth cutting your life short like this."

"If I don't, then who will?" Ryan asked.

"You just don't get it," Seth cried, his voice rising.  "I don't need your help." He turned on his heels and left Ryan helplessly alone.


	14. Sneaking Out

Once again, I'm overwhelmed by the reviews.  Thanks everyone.  Enjoy the next installment, even though I don't own the O.C. or any of its characters.

            Seth sat in the front seat of Mitch's car with his long legs resting on the dashboard.  He was flipping through a graphic novel, holding a joint in his hand, casually smoking.  It had been over a week since Kirsten's dinner party and both Mitch and Seth had practically forgotten how Ryan had pummeled his unwanted guest.  Even if Seth's parents had a long memory.

            "How many have you had today?" Mitch asked, referring to the joint.

            "This is my second. Fagan was out and I was able to skip out on history."

            "Where do you go?" asked his friend.

            Seth shrugged.  "Behind the cafeteria.  By the trash."

            "With all the stoners?"

            "If the shoe fits…" Seth smiled. 

            "So you're a stoner now?" Mitch asked with a laugh.  "Last month, didn't know what pot looked like."

            "I'm a quick study."  Seth closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the seat.  It was past midnight and the sky was dark, with only a few stars peaking through the smog.  "Does Summer know where to meet us?"

            Mitch rolled his eyes.  "Not even the pot can get you to relax.  Yes, I told her how to go."

            "Good," Seth said and took another puff. 

He didn't like to worry about the details, but rather let Mitch take care of them.  They were heading off to another Rave.  At first, Seth had been reluctant to sneak out of the house, citing his grounding and the wrath of his parents if he were caught as two reasons to stay inside at night.  But Mitch quickly persuaded him that if he snuck out close to midnight, chances are that everyone was asleep.  Seth had realized his friend was right.  Even when Sandy and Kirsten were up, they were usually busy quieting down the baby.  They never noticed him slinking down the stairs and going out the front door. 

Mitch waited for him outside of the gates and it was easy for Seth to party until nearly dawn and sneak back into his room.  He would catch only a couple of hours of sleep before being prodded awake by his alarm clock.  He'd only done it a few times, but he hadn't been caught yet.

            Ryan twisted and turned in bed.  Something was wrong with the air conditioning, because he was hot and sticky.  He kicked off his covers, plumped his pillow and tried to go back to sleep.  After ten minutes, Ryan gave up and sat at the edge of his bed, wondering what he could do.  He glanced at the book on his night table, but dismissed it, because it was for school and not very interesting.

He stood and peeled off his tee shirt, leaving just a pair of loose shorts made of a jersey material.   He ran a hand through his damp sandy hair and sighed.  It wasn't even late.  Most nights, he was only just getting to bed, but Ryan had turned in early, because Sandy was playing warden, not allowing the least bit of activity while he and Seth were grounded.  He had disconnected the computers, and taken away their cell phones, and had hidden the game controllers for the playstation.  And when Marissa had called the other evening, Sandy said Ryan couldn't use the phone while he was grounded.  Ryan had felt the red creep burn his face and had muttered something about having more freedom in Juvie, which only caused Sandy to pin him to the wall with an icy stare and prompt him to say one more time, "I'm still here, willing to listen." 

It had turned into a battle of wills.

At home, Ryan's only activities were homework, cooking dinner, and reading.  He wasn't sure if music was off limits, but Ryan had never been very into music, so he stayed away.  It wasn't the first time Sandy and Kirsten had grounded him, but it was the most restrictive of any of the times.  The fact that there was no end in sight, unless Ryan explained why he had punched Mitch, didn't make it easier. 

Ryan left his room for the bathroom and noticed a light coming out from under Seth's door.  They had barely exchanged a civil word since Kirsten's dinner party.  Ryan knew it was because he was needling Seth to lay off the drugs.  Seth was using more and more.  He could see the signs.  He had become an expert at reading the signs living with Dawn, her myriad of boyfriends and Trey.  But Mitch, drugs, and the pestering had caused a rift between Seth and Ryan.  Ryan hoped they could repair their relationship to what it once was.

He knocked lightly on the door and waited for an answer.  None came.  "Seth," he whispered, "Can I come in?"  Ryan sighed at the silence on the side of the door, but decided to test his luck anyway.  He crept into the room and called quietly, "Seth."  He was almost surprised to find the room empty.  Instinctively, Ryan knew that Seth was not in the house.  He walked back out and quietly closed the door behind him.

"How's Seth doing?"

Ryan jumped at the sound of Sandy's voice.

"Sleeping like a baby," he answered, hoping Sandy wouldn't notice the slight tremor in Ryan's voice.

"Don't know how he's sleeping through this heat."

"Yeah.  It's pretty hot."

"I'm going to check on the thermostat.  Hopefully it's a programming glitch and not broken."  He tapped Ryan on the shoulder and walked down the hall.

Ryan expelled a breath, not realizing he had been holding one in.  He hoped Sandy wouldn't get paternal and decide to watch Seth sleep and start tucking his blanket up around his chin, because there was no chin to tuck in.

"Summer!"  Seth lips turned up into a genuine smile.  He extinguished the joint and threw the roach into his pocket.  He threw his hands around her waist and swung her around.  "I've missed you."

"Cohen, it's only been like six hours since you saw me."

"I was eating dinner with my family six hours ago."

She slapped his hand lightly.  "You know what I mean.  So tell me, you're parents sprung you loose for this rave?"

Seth raised his brows.  "What do you think?"

"I think you're finally starting to live dangerously."  She pulled his hand and started to weave through the haphazardly parked cars.

"Summer, let's not go inside."  Seth stopped and pinioned his girlfriend against the car.  He leaned in and kissed Summer, jamming his tongue into her mouth.  His hand caressed her waist and searched for the opening of her shirt, and he stuck his hand inside, feeling the smooth creamy skin.

"Not here, Seth," she complained, trying to push him away.

"Come on.  It's been so long.  Mitch won't be back for ages.  His car is big enough."

"Not in a car, Seth."

"Can we at least kiss?"

Summer fell against Seth's lean chest.  "Yeah.  We can kiss."

He pulled her hand and took her back to Mitch's car.  They crawled into the back seat and Seth immediately tried to tug Summer's shirt off. 

"We said, just kissing."

"I thought today kissing was a euphemism for –—" 

Summer cut Seth off with a kiss.  She pushed him down on the seat and ran her hands through his hair.  "God Cohen," she said, pulling away from him, "your heart is racing."

"You do that to me," he said in a husky voice.  He knew it was probably the drugs, but he was glad he had answered the way he did as Summer rewarded him with yanking off her top and she wasn't wearing a bra.

"Turn off the damn alarm, Seth."  Ryan barged into Seth's room and slammed the off button.  "It's been buzzing for thirty minutes and it's damn irritating."

"Thank you," mumbled Seth.

"Thanks!  Thanks?  You're lucky I swore off fighting, because my fists are just itching to slam into your gut."

Seth swung his legs over the side of the bed.  "You're being way too confrontational for this hour of the morning."  He yawned and stretched his hands over his head.  "I didn't sleep much last night.  It was hot."

"What time did you get in?" 

Seth looked up, trying to hide his surprise.  He grabbed a pair of jeans off of his computer chair and slipped his legs into them.  He tugged them up to his waist and fastened them all while sitting, barely lifting his butt off the mattress.  His eyes were red and watery.  Ryan wondered if it was from the drugs or from lack of sleep.  Probably both.

"I don't know what you're talking about."  It was an obvious lie.  Seth had never been a good liar.

"I didn't tell, though Sandy almost poked his head into your room."

"Almost never counts."  Seth tried to grin, but Ryan was having none of it.

"You're both going to be late," Kirsten admonished, when they walked into the kitchen.  She handed them each a bagel in a napkin and told them to go.

"Since when do you do breakfast?" Seth asked, sitting down despite his mother's fierce look.  Since Christina kept Kirsten up most nights, she often skipped the morning breakfast ritual that both Seth and Ryan had grown so accustomed to.

"Since your alarm woke me up.  They invented the snooze button for a reason."

"Well, you actually have to hear the alarm to hit the button," Seth retorted.  "Besides, I put the alarm on the other side of the room to get me out of bed.  It just didn't work this morning."

Kirsten took a quick look at the kitchen clock and said, "I noticed.  Come on, it's time to get moving."

"And pray tell, how are we supposed to get to school?"

"Dad said he would drive you."

"If you would give us our own car," Seth started again, rehashing the old argument.

"If you had your own car, you wouldn't be able to use it, because you're both grounded.  Now is so not the time to bring this topic up."

Ryan pulled a travel mug from the cabinet and filled it with some coffee.  He listened to Seth and Kirsten's banter, unwilling to interrupt.  It felt a little like old times, when the house wasn't filled with tension so thick you could cut it with a knife.

"Hey, Ry," he said turning to his brother.  "Can you get one of those for me too?"  He got up from his chair. "And Mom," Seth said, getting back to the car conersation "there's no time like the present.  In a week, I'm off restriction and I can have my life back."

Kirsten frowned.  She still wondered where Seth was till early in the morning.  After meeting Mitch, she doubted her son's story even more.  She had talked to Sandy, mentioning that they should give Seth the same ultimatum as Ryan.  Tell the truth or face an indefinite grounding.  Unlike Ryan, she knew Seth would cave under the pressure.  But Sandy had said it wasn't fair to change the rules on him, and she had agreed, though inwardly she thought, they were the parents and could do whatever they wanted.

"You know Seth, we can always change the terms of the punishment to mirror Ryan's.  You still haven't told us where you were that night."

Ryan handed Seth his coffee and slipped out of the kitchen, not wanting to hear anymore.  He wasn't sure what Seth had been up to that night, but it was probably similar to whatever he had done the night before.

"Ready for school?"  A ring of keys was dangling from Sandy's pinky.  "If we don't get moving now, you'll be late."

"So I hear.  Yeah, I'm ready," Ryan said after Sandy just threw him a puzzled look.  "I'll be in the car.  Seth's in the kitchen."

Ryan slid into the back seat of Sandy's BMW, balancing his coffee and bookbag at the same time.  He leaned his head against the cool window and waited for Seth to come in.  Seth had been in unusually high spirits this morning.  Ryan had actually enjoyed listening to him complain about their lack of transportation.  But he wondered where Seth had been the night before and what he had been doing.  Even though Ryan had barged in on Seth, ready to take off his head that mornign, Seth had been pleasant, warming up considerably since the night Ryan had punched Mitch.

"Ryan," Sandy said as he slipped in the driver's seat.  Ryan didn't see Seth coming out of the house.  He glanced at his watch and calculated how fast they needed to drive to make it before the late bell.  "Ryan," repeated Sandy.  "Kirsten and I spoke last night.  We decided you should go back to Dr. Acobas."

Ryan didn't say anything.  The words stuck in his throat.  After the adoption, they had tapered off his sessions with the shrink.  His nightmares rarely returned, though they still surfaced every so often.  He didn't want to go back to see the therapist. He had never grown comfortable with the idea of talking about his feelings, though Dr. Acobas had been okay.

"I don't want to go back."

He noticed Seth leaving the house, carefully closing the front door behind him.

"My exact words were," Sandy said carefully, "we decided.  You're going back to work out your aggression issues and your lack of communication."

Ryan scowled and leaned his head against the seat as Seth scrambled into the front seat. 

"Okay, Jeeves," he cried, "it's off to school we go."

Sandy started the ignition and they rode off silently to face the rest of their day.

Ryan couldn't keep his head wrapped around the Supreme Court cases the law teacher was trying to get them to understand.

"Mr. Atwood," he said, trying to pull Ryan out of his reverie.  "In this school, we have a policy that forbids you to use your cell phone or even have it on during the day."

Ryan's eyes darted around the room.  "I didn't bring my cell phone today." 

The teacher smirked.  "I wasn't accusing you, I'm trying to illustrate a point."

"Oh.  Sorry."

The teacher slowly exhaled.  "If you were to bring your phone and say use it in this class.  Turn it on – start playing with it – would I be permitted to confiscate your phone and start scrolling through your phone book and look through your personal files?"

Ryan shrugged.  He knew he was supposed to know this answer.  It related to one of the court cases they had studied last week about search and seizure, but he couldn't remember what it had been all about.

"Mr. Atwood, questions like these are going to pop up on your final exam.  You're going to have to be able to cite cases to back up your answer."

"Yes sir," he mumbled.

The teacher accepted Ryan's apologetic response and went on to his next victim.

Ryan thought about Seth.  What could he do about Seth?  During Seth's lunch period, Ryan had ducked out of class and had gone searching for his brother.  He had finally found Seth where he usually hung out, by the forbidden pier and noticed right away that Seth was smoking a joint.  In some ways, he was relieved that Seth was using an innocent drug and hadn't graduated to the harder stuff.  In Chino most of the kids who started with marijuana quickly started experimenting with Coke or X. 

"How are you affording all these drugs?" Ryan had asked, causing Seth to start.

"Checking up on me?"

"Yes," Ryan said simply.  He jammed his hands into his pockets and lifted his shoulders.  "Someone has got to."

"Mom and Dad have been doing a pretty job of late." 

And to some extent it was true.  Christina wasn't nearly as difficult as she had been the colic disappearing as suddenly as it had come.  She still cried often, but even Ryan was learning the difference between her cries.  Sometimes when she wailed it meant she was hungry, or tired.  Sometimes she just wanted to be held.  Now that she was crying for a reason, it was easier to tend to her needs.  In the past week, it seemed like the bags under Kirsten's eyes had grown smaller.  Ryan knew he was able to get a little more sleep than he was used to.  But Sandy and Kirsten were still busy as ever and didn't understand how deep Seth's odd behavior was.

"They like playing warden."

Seth laughed.  It was true. 

"So how are you affording all this?"

"Marijuana isn't as expensive as you think.  My allowance hasn't stopped.  I have birthday money.  Don't worry, I won't resort to knocking over convenience stores."

"Where do you buy?"  That was the question that had been burning in Ryan's mind.  Was Mitch Seth's dealer?

"It's not Mitch.  He gave me my first samples, but he just hooked me up with his dealer.  I'm not going to tell you who.  I know you Ryan.  You'll start playing hero and beat the bejeezus out of this guy and then you'll be in deep shit."

"I won't hurt anyone."

"That's what you say.  You better get back to class," Seth said, nodding his head at the pass that Ryan clutched in his hand.  "You don't need anymore trouble.  Not because of me."

Sitting in Law, Ryan was touched, realizing that Seth was trying to protect _him_.  But he knew that it was his job to help Seth and suddenly, like a light bulb going off on his head, he thought of something he could do.

At lunch, Ryan asked Marissa if he could borrow her phone.  He took it and dialed Dr. Acobas's number.  His secretary answered and he asked if the doctor could see him immediately, it was very important.  It took some urging and prodding, but the secretary finally agreed.  He hung and up and dialed the school and deepening his voice he pretended he was Sandy, requesting that Ryan be released from school.

As soon as he hung up and returned the phone to Marissa, trying to ignore her quizzical glare, he gathered up his books and headed for the main office.

"I'm supposed to sign out," Ryan told the elderly secretary.

"Yes, Mr. Atwood, your father called.  Said you had called him because you were feeling ill."

"Yes," he agreed.

He signed the book and left the building, suddenly not sure if his idea had been a good one.

"Ryan," Marissa called.  She caught up to him in the parking lot.  "Is this about Seth?" she asked.

He nodded.

"I thought so."  She leaned over and kissed him on the lips.  "Here, you'll need transportation."  From the way Marissa smiled, it was obvious she saw the relief on Ryan's face.  "Park it in my old driveway or on the street so Sandy and Kirsten don't get suspicious.  I'll get someone to drive me over and pick it up."

"You're a lifesaver," he said.

"I love you."

"Me too."

"Go," she urged patting his ass.  "He'll help you figure out what to do."

He walked over to Marissa's car; suddenly glad that he didn't have to explain things to her and that she was so intuitive to his needs.  He had never told Marissa that Seth was a using regularly.  She had been with him the time Ryan had picked up a wasted Seth from Mitch's place, but they had never discussed it. It was obvious she had guessed, putting two and two together.  This would work out.  He would go to Dr. Acobas and get the advice he needed and he'd be able to help Seth.

But the minute Ryan sat down in the shrink's office; he knew he had made a major mistake.


	15. The Truth Hurts

Thanks for all the great reviews.  I hope I don't let you down with the chapter.  It took a while to get it together.  As usual, Josh and cohorts, I own nothing.  I bow down to your genius and am borrowing it over the summer….

            Dr. Acobas's office had not changed in the three, four months that Ryan had stopped coming.  He glanced around the room, taking in the artwork, wondering how he would explain this to Sandy, because eventually the Cohens would be billed for the session.  He wasn't even sure why he thought the doctor could help him...  But he knew shrinks were bound by confidentiality and that anything Ryan said had to stay in the office.  That was what he was counting on. 

            The more Ryan talked to Seth, the more he realized his brother needed help. Once when he was younger and Dawn had been particularly strung out, he had taken her to a rehab clinic, but that was only after she had reached rock bottom and she had nowhere else to go.  Dawn had stuck it out for a month, staying sober, until the next boyfriend came along with his own bad habits, which just rubbed off on Dawn again. Seth hadn't reached rock bottom, but Ryan was hoping to help him before that happened.

            The door opened and Dr. Acobas walked in.  He was about Sandy's age, with salt and pepper hair and he wore a sweater vest over a button down oxford shirt.  Despite his geeky appearance, Ryan knew this man could help him.

            "Hi, Ryan."

            Ryan started to stand as the doctor walked in, but Dr. Acobas waved at him to sit down.

            "Hey," Ryan said quietly.

            "Your dad called earlier this morning.  He said that he and Kirsten thought you should resume your sessions, but that you were resisting.  I think he wanted to know how far he should push you."

            Ryan shrugged.  He hadn't planned on talking about himself.  "Um, that's not why I came."

            Dr. Acobas lifted his brows.  "Oh?"

            "Anything I say in here, it's confidential.  Right?"

            "Yes."

            "Even if I'm talking about someone else."

            "We went over this last year.  Unless you're a danger to yourself or to someone else, everything you say will stay in here."

            Ryan swallowed.  "Good."  He looked down at his hands.  They were shaking.

            "Do your parents know you're here, Ryan?  Sandy seemed pretty certain that you would refuse to come."  Dr. Acobas leaned forward, resting his elbows on the top of his thighs.

            Ryan looked away from the doctor.  He decided not to answer the doctor's question.  It wouldn't lead to anything good.  "If someone you cared about was doing drugs, what would you do for him?"

            "Are you doing drugs, Ryan?"

            Ryan's eyes jerked up to look at the doctor.  "No."  He shook his head vehemently.  "No.  I wouldn't do that."

            Dr. Acobas nodded.  "You sound very adamant about that."

            "My mother died last year from a drug overdose."  Ryan shifted on the brown leather couch.  This was not how he imagined the session going.  "I wasn't talking about myself."

            "Okay," the therapist said.

Ryan heard the disbelief in Dr. Acobas's voice, but he decided to continue anyway.   "My — friend has started using drugs.  He won't admit it's a problem and I don't know how to get him to stop before the shit hits the fan."  The words started to flood out of him.

"Have you talked to your friend's parents?"

"They can't know."

"Why not?"

"They have too many other things going on?"

"And they don't realize that their," Dr. Acobas paused for a brief second, "child has started using drugs."

"Like I said, they have too much going on right now."

"You said your biological mother used drugs in the past."

Once again, Ryan shifted uncomfortably in his seat.  The office was cool, yet he felt the leather of the couch sticking to him and his shirt was too tight at the collar. 

"Yes.  She did."

"What did you do for her?"

"I couldn't do anything for her."

"You never tried to get her help?"

"She didn't want to help herself.  Every so often she'd try to quit, but then another boyfriend would come along…" Ryan let his voice trail off.

"Ryan, listen to what you're saying."

"I'm not letting —" he stopped, because he was a split second away from spilling Seth's name.  "I'm not letting my friend hit rock bottom."

"You might not have a choice."

"I won't do that again.  I won't watch someone I care about waste away with that crap."

"Can you take this person to a counselor?  If it's a school friend, perhaps someone in school could do something.  But Ryan, the best thing for you to do is to go to this person's family."

He wanted to cry out, _I am family_, but knew that would be giving too much away.

"Dr. Acobas," the secretary's voice came over the intercom.  "Your next patient has been waiting for ten minutes already."

"Thank you.  I'll be right there."

Ryan was already gathering his knapsack and swinging it over his shoulder.  His face drooped; he had been so sure Dr. Acobas could help him.  "Thanks for your help."  Ryan had his hand on the doorknob.

"Ryan, will you come back.  I feel like we only touched the surface."

He shrugged.

"We can delve into this further.  Think of solutions.  Figure out why this person started using in the first place."

Ryan realized the therapist still believed he was the one using.  "I don't know."

"Your parents want you to come."

"I know."  Ryan expelled a deep breath.  "I guess I could come back. Sandy probably won't get off my back until I do.  Just do me a favor, don't tell him I came today."

"I can't promise that.  There's a matter of billing."

"But he'll know I ditched school."

"Aha.  Well, he doesn't have to know when you came.  Just that you showed up, right."  The doctor winked.

If Ryan weren't so distressed out by his utter mistake in coming to the office, he would have laughed at the sweater-vest wearing doctor, winking at him, trying to act cool.  But he was too relieved to know that the doctor would just this once help keep his secret.  The last thing he needed was another lecture from either one of them, though if they found out there wasn't much more they could do than to continue to ground him.

"Make an appointment with the receptionist on your way out.  And schedule it for after school hours.  I won't keep lying to your parents.  We'll get to the bottom of it."

"I will.  Thank you."

Ryan left with a sinking feeling in his gut.  Twenty minutes later he parked Marissa's car at the edge of her old driveway and hiked up to his house.  He went around back and came through the pool, casting a longing look at the pool house he used to live in.  He thought he'd be coming into an empty kitchen, but Kirsten was leaning against the counter sipping a drink from a coffee mug.  She was clad in a chic pantsuit and her hair looked freshly cut with layers falling down her back.

"Hi," he said, slowly closing the backdoor.

A huge smile spread across Kirsten's face.  "Ryan.  You're home."  Her eyes searched the back door.  "Where's Seth?"

Ryan swallowed.  He glanced up at the clock and saw that Seth should have been home already.  He was five minutes late, which Kirsten had obviously not noticed.  "Um.  He had… litmag.  Yeah.  He had litmag."

"Okay," she said with a small chuckle.  "No soccer practice for you?"

"Oh.  No."  He hated lying to Kirsten.  "Practice was canceled.  The coach was out."

"Well, I guess that's good for me.  My father needs me in the office and have no one to leave the baby with."

"Oh," he said, finally putting down his books on a chair. "That's why you look so nice."

She laughed again.  "I guess you haven't seen me dressed too often since the baby was born."

He shook his head sheepishly.

"Well, the good news is I finally hired a nanny."

"Oh.  Really?  Does that mean you're going back to work?"

"Not right away, though I'm sure my dad will call me in every once in a while.  Once I'm comfortable with the new arrangement, I'll decide if I want to go back full time or part time."

Part time?  It had never occurred to Ryan that Kirsten would stay away from work as long as she had.  It definitely hadn't occurred to him that she wouldn't go back to work full-time. 

Kirsten put down her mug.  "I'll be home by dinner.  I can bring something home.  What do you want?"

"It's okay.  I can cook something."

"No.  I'll bring something home.  You'll have your hands full with the baby."

"Where is she?"  Ryan rummaged through the fridge, searching for something to eat.  He wasn't really hungry, but Kirsten would think it was strange if he didn't eat after school.  It was what he always did.

"In the nursery.  Taking a nap." 

            "Okay."  He took an orange out of the fridge and started to peel it.  Maybe she'd leave, before he actually had to eat it.  "When does she need to eat?"

            "She'll be hungry when she wakes up.  Her bottle is in the fridge.  Don't forget to warm it.  Diapers and wipes are in the nursery.  Okay," she said, picking herself up off the counter.  "I've got to get going.  My dad is waiting."

            "Is he still pissed at me?"

            "Yes."

            "Tell him I'm sorry."

            "Tell him yourself."

            "Oh.  Okay."

            "You can't avoid him forever."  She plucked her car keys from the counter and picked up her purse.  "What you did — it was wrong on many levels, but it probably cost him a lucrative business deal.  And you're still not willing to talk about it."

            "Sandy told me this morning that he wants me to see Dr. Acobas."

            "I know."

            "I told him I wouldn't do it, but if you both really want me to, I'll go back."

            "Good.  Maybe we can deal with this and everything else that's been going on around here."

            She leaned forward and kissed the top of his head.  "Have a good afternoon." She felt Ryan recoil slightly and tried not to look hurt, even though she knew he'd never totally be comfortable with spontaneous affection from any of the adults in her life.  She waved and walked through the doors.

            As soon as he was alone, Ryan threw the orange he was holding into the trash and picked up the phone.  He knew Sandy and Kirsten trusted him to abide by the rules of his punishment, but he needed to talk to Marissa.

            "How'd it go?" she asked.

            "Awful.  The guy now thinks I'm on drugs."

            "What?  Oh no, Ryan. That can't be.  Why?"

            "The old friend bit."

            "Oh."

            "Yeah.  So he didn't help."

            "No.  But I've been roped back into therapy again."

            "I'm sorry, Ryan."

            "Your car is parked out front."

            "I'll pick it up later.  Summer said she could drop me off at around seven."

            "Do you know where Seth is?"

            "No.  He's not home?"

            Ryan shook his head and then realized Marissa couldn't see him.  "No.  I told Kirsten he had litmag, and she bought it.  But I don't think he's been at a meeting since we started school this year."

            "Litmag doesn't even meet today.  He's probably out with Mitch or Summer."

            "But he's grounded.  And he didn't know that Kirsten had a meeting.  Why would risk getting in trouble when he only has a week left?"  But deep down, Ryan knew the answer to that.  It was the drugs.  Seth didn't care about consequences anymore.

            "Maybe because he knew you'd cover for him."

            "They can't know, Marissa."

            "Why not?"

            "It would kill them."

            "Sandy and Kirsten are really strong people."

            Ryan heard the baby crying.  "I've got to go. I'm babysitting."  He was glad, because he didn't want to pursue the conversation.  He hung up the phone and sprinted up the stairs to the nursery and picked up his sister.  As he soothed her cries, Ryan's mind kept jumping back to Seth. 

            "Mr. Cohen, it's Dr. Acobas."

            "Oh.  Hello," Sandy said, shoving aside a sheaf of legal papers that he really wasn't interested in studying.  "Is everything okay?  I haven't had time to talk to Ryan again."

            "I'm calling about Ryan.  He dropped by my office today."

            "He did?"  Sandy rubbed his thick brows.  "When?  He's home babysititng?"

            "That's not important.  I just thought you should know."

            "But this morning he was absolutely against going back."

            "I can't divulge what was discussed," the therapist explained.  "But he agreed to continue coming."

            "That's good," said Sandy.  He was confused, not sure what was going on.

            "Ryan knows that I'm talking to you."

            "He ditched school to go see you, didn't he?"

            "I have no knowledge of that," said the doctor.

            Sandy laughed.  _If the school doesn't call_, he thought, _I'll leave it alone_.  "Thank you, Dr. Acobas.  This is definitely out of left field, but I'm glad Ryan is turning to someone for help."

            "Yes.  I'm glad too."  The therapist paused briefly and then against his better judgment he blurted out, "I have no conclusive evidence, but according to—" and then he stopped.  "I'm sorry.  I was about to breech Ryan's trust and that would just work against us."

            Sandy's stomach clutched.  "Is Ryan okay?  Is he in danger?"

            "At this point, I'd say he's okay.  I have a patient waiting for me.  We'll set up some family sessions too.  I think it would help."

            Sandy hung up the phone and stared at the wall, not really focusing on any particular spot, until his secretary came in and told him that a client was waiting on the phone.

            Seth fell into the beanbag, a joint dangling from between his fingers.  It was his second one since he ad arrived at his friend's place, but his third one for the day.  Mitch was sitting on his bed, dividing his newest stash of marijuana and rolling them into joints.  Every few minutes he would pluck the joint from Seth's fingers and take a drag, before returning it to his friend.

            "He was a madman this morning," Seth continued.  He'd been ranting all afternoon about Ryan's morning tirade.  "He practically threw my alarm clock across the wall.  And the 'rents say nothing."

            "Do you really want your parents to interfere?" Mitch asked, briefly looking up from his task.

            Seth shrugged his shoulders.  "Nah. I guess not."

            "You know, Seth.  I've never met anyone who can get as high as you, and still stay so tense."

            Seth giggled.  "Do I sound tense to you?"

            Mitch raised his brows.  "Uh.  Yeah."

            "I was just bitching to bitch. It was a good story.  But if you don't want me to regale you with my wonderful wit, then there are a lot of fun things we could do."

            "Like what?"

            "Have a spray paint handy?"

            "No more correcting grammatically incorrect graffiti."

            "Nope.  I was thinking of correcting grammatically incorrect street signs."

            Mitch laughed, shaking his head.  "The paint is on the floor of my closet."

            Seth jumped up from his beanbag and yanked open the closet door.  He rummaged through the junk accumulated on the floor until he triumphantly pulled out two cans.

            "So when do we go?"

            "Don't you have to show your face at home first?"

            Seth looked at the clock.  "Probably a good idea, though I'm sure Ryan thought up of a reason why I had to stay in school."

            "You better be careful about depending on him too much.  If he's pissed at you, he'll tell your mom you have detention."

            Seth laughed.  "If he's pissed."  He inhaled deeply and sucked on the smoke from the joint.  He had been lightheaded for a while now, but now he was feeling a buzz in his head.  "You done with those joints yet?"

            "Almost."

            "Next time you'll have to teach me the art of rolling a joint."

            "Definitely, because next time you buy, I aint doing it for you."

            "Once I roll my own, I aint sharing," Seth said, sitting back down in the beanbag.  He hadn't realized how much he had smoked, because there was practically nothing left of his joint.

            "Friends always share."

            "My Kindergarten teacher failed me in sharing.  Never did master —"

            "Mitchell." Mr. Weider swung open the door without knocking into the room, calling his son. Seth froze with the joint halfway to his mouth, but Mitch barely glanced at his father as he continued to roll the marijuana with the paper.  Mr. Weider halted mid-step and surveyed the scene in front of him.  "Mitchell, can I please have a word with you in the other room."

            Mitch stood, but didn't seem perturbed by his father's request.  Seth could feel beads of sweat breaking out on his forehead.  He swallowed hard a few times, trying to keep the bile down.  He took one last puff, hoping the marijuana would give him strength and then extinguished the joint, before tucking it in one of the many pockets of his backpack.  There wasn't much left, but he didn't want to waste any of it.

            "What were you thinking?"  Mr. Weider's voice rose over the din of the air conditioner.  "Is that why his brother tried to smash your face in, because you're giving him drugs?  Are you nuts?  Are you trying to intentionally jeopardize my business deal?"

            Seth inched closer to the door, so he could hear better, though if they continued at the current decibel level, he would have not problem following the conversation.

            "Hey, I didn't shove the marijuana down his throat.  He wanted to smoke."

            "I'm sure you helped him along.  This is why your mother didn't want you around, because you're always messing things up.  Well, if I lose this deal with Caleb Nichol, you're going right back to New York.  I don't give a damn if your mother wants you there or not.  I don't care if you lose your credits and don't graduate on time."

            "What am I supposed to do, take the kid to rehab?"

            "Just pray his family doesn't find out your role in his drug problem."

            "Whatever, dad."

            Seth quickly sat back down in his chair before Mitch came back into the room.


	16. Fighting Words

Thanks everyone for being so patient. I was a little stuck on this story – aside from having many guests- but I'm back into it now. It's a little short, but it was just a good place to end it. Next, I'm off to the Sunny State for a conference, so it may take a while to update. Usual disclaimers apply.

As soon as Ryan had put Christina down for another nap, he anxiously waited for Seth to come home. He paced the front foyer, jumping at noises of the house settling, the clock ticking, and the shrill ringing of the phone. It was only a telemarketer. He glanced at the clock every few seconds, wondering who would make it home first Seth or his parents. And what would Ryan do if Sandy and Kirsten did come home first? What would Ryan tell them?

When he first heard the gravel in the driveway crunch under the tires, his heart jumped in his throat. But then he realized it could still be Seth and was relieved to see an unfamiliar car in front of the house. He watched Seth stumble out of the front seat and sling a backpack over his shoulder. He waved to someone inside the car; Ryan would bet a month's allowance that it was Mitch.

Ryan yanked open the front door and grabbed Seth as he nearly tumbled into the house.

"How much did you smoke?" Ryan asked not bothering to hide the irritation in his voice. He led Seth into the family room and eased him onto the couch where they so often fooled around with the play station.

"Hi Ryan. I had a great day? How about you?"

"I asked—"

But Seth cut him off. "I heard what you asked," he snapped, "and it's none of your damn business."

"Yes it is," Ryan said softly. "I can't help you if you —"

"Who the hell asked you to help?" Seth was leaning back against the couch with his legs were splayed apart. "I don't need help."

"Yeah? So what are you going to tell Kirsten about where you were after school?"

Seth shrugged.

"You were at litmag," Ryan said quietly.

"Thanks," Seth said, running a hand through his curls. He didn't get it. On one hand, Ryan wouldn't stop riding him about the drugs, but on the other hand, Ryan kept covering for him with his parents.

"Maybe you should go to bed or something."

"Yes Mommy." Seth rolled his eyes. He was getting tired of Ryan's constant mothering.

"If they see you like this, they'll figure it out. It's not like they've never seen someone high on Marijuana."

"I'm just a little buzzed."

"You're high as a kite," Ryan muttered.

He twisted the leather cuff around his wrist, wondering if he should force Seth up into his room or just let Sandy and Kirsten see for themselves what was going on. But he knew no good would come of it, if they realized Seth was using drugs. He wasn't sure how they would react, but he was certain it would be the straw that broke Kirsten's back. This afternoon had been the first glimmer of her former self that Ryan had seen since the baby had been born. But Ryan felt that he had to keep things perfect so things would stay okay.

Seth tried to stand, but he stubbed a toe against the coffee table and swore loudly. "I'm starved. Is there anything to eat?" He bent down to rub his sore toe.

"If you go up to your room and stay there," offered Ryan, "I'll make you something to eat."

"Why are you so hell bent on getting me out of the way?"

"Because Sandy and Kirsten are due home any minute and I don't want them to see you like this."

"What's the difference? They don't give a damn."

Ryan wrinkled his nose. "What are you talking about?"

"You haven't noticed they've been in absentia of late?"

"Not really. They noticed fine when I tried to beat the crap out of Mitch."

Seth rolled his eyes. "That was hard to miss."

"They noticed when you cut school. When you came home at three a.m."

Seth sighed. "When was the last time they noticed anything good about us? If Dad's not working, he's taking care of the baby or Mom. And Mom has totally freaked on us. It's like she's suffering from postpartum depression or something."

Ryan looked away from Seth, because on some level he knew his brother was right. The only time Kirsten or Sandy had noticed them in the past few months is when they had not been doing what they supposed to do.

"Well, using marijuana will definitely put you on their radar."

"You going to cook something for me?" Seth asked, ignoring Ryan's comment.

"Are you going up to your room?"

"Fine." Seth half stalked half staggered out of the room. Ryan watched him go up the stairs, tempted to stand behind him in case he fell, but just stood from afar and watched. When he was halfway up, and it looked like he would make it to the top of the steps safely, Ryan turned to the kitchen to make Seth something to eat.

Seth flipped on his computer as soon as he was in his room. In only a couple of minutes he was logged on to the Internet and checking his buddy list. He smiled when he saw Summer was online.

_Hey Summer. _

_Seth,_ she answered. _What r u doing online? I thought u were grounded_.

_The 'rents aren't home. What they don't know won't hurt._ ; )

_U R such a bad boy_, _Cohen. You should be punished._

_ Will u do it?_ he wrote back.

_Eww! Cohen. You're gross_.

_U love me anyway._

_ Sigh. U R right._

_ Want to do something 2night?_

_ Didn't we just go over this? U R grounded._

_ That didn't stop u the other night at the Rave. Come on. Let's meet on the beach someplace. _

_ Fine. Only if u r sure you won't get in trouble._

_ I'm sure Ryan will cover 4 me. He always does. Midnight?_

_ See u then._

_ TTYL._

Seth hit enter one more time, sending his final message to Summer and then closed the window. He opened up a new one and was checking out some other sites when Ryan walked in. He was holding a plate with a thick sandwich and a cup of orange juice.

"Food. Thanks. I'm famished." Seth reached out for the plate.

"It's one of the side effects of marijuana," Ryan stated as a matter of fact. "It makes you hungry. Whenever my mom was using she'd start to blimp out."

"I don't think I have to worry," Seth said. "My shapely figure can handle it."

He turned from Ryan and back to the computer.

"What are you looking up?" He didn't bother reminding Seth that he was grounded. It wouldn't make a difference.

"Nothing special." He closed the screen when Ryan leaned forward and tried to peer over his shoulder.

Giving up, Ryan sat on Seth's bed. He racked his brain for something neutral to discuss with Seth. Something that wouldn't land them in a fight. He hated that Seth had his back turned to him. Once, it felt like eons ago, Seth would talk a blue streak, barely taking a breath, giving Ryan a headache. He didn't like the Seth that used drugs.

"Were you at the senior meeting, where they started talking about the college application process?"

Seth shook his head. "I was at the pier."

_Smoking pot,_ thought Ryan. He couldn't believe Seth would screw up his chance at college. All summer long Seth had talked about escaping Newport with Ryan and going off to college. They'd started choosing colleges, Seth's number one criteria that it was far away from Sandy and Kirsten's watchful eye. He guessed with Sandy and Kirsten no longer as vigilant, it made no difference to Seth.

They heard doors slam in the driveway. Ryan got up to look out of Seth's window. "It's Sandy and Kirsten."

Seth put his index finger up in the air and whirled it around.

"I'll tell them you have a headache. You might want to look sick in case they peak in."

"Yeah. Whatever."

"You're not going to make this easy."

"Why should I? I don't give a damn."

Ryan missed the old Seth.

"Seth, stop it," insisted Summer, pushing him off her. He had a hand up her top and was cupping her breast and he was kissing her — hard. He wasn't being gentle, but he was squeezing — hard. "You're hurting me, Cohen. Get off." She pushed him harder and she felt him release her breast and slip his hand out from under her shirt.

They were in the back seat of Summer's car, which was parked overlooking the golf course belonging to the country club. It was the same club that he and Ryan had been white knights during the debutante ball the last summer.

"I bet Princess Sparkles has been getting more action lately."

"Don't be like that, Seth."

"Like what?"

Summer closed her eyes and shook her head. Seth was not acting right. Lately, he was ravenous for sex. Not that they weren't all about the sex most of the time, but Seth had always been tender, making sure she was ready for each step as they went along and never pushing her to anything she wasn't in the mood for. In the beginning of the relationship, it was Summer who had taken the lead, but lately Seth was so much more aggressive and always trying to take the lead. If he had been aggressive and tender she would have liked it, but this was a Seth Cohen she barely knew.

"You're being… mean."

"What are we in kindergarten? Mean?"

"Do you enjoy hurting me? The other day, I came home and I had a black and blue mark on my breast because you squeezed so hard!"

"I'm sorry. You should have said something."

"I'm saying it now."

"Okay. I'm sorry. I'll be more careful."

It was the way he was saying it that riled Summer up. "Cohen, what's the matter with you. Why are you like this?"

"Like what?" Seth asked, exasperated. He turned around and faced front. He kicked the seat hard. "You didn't tell me you were hurting you. Now you did. I'll be more careful. What do you want from me?"

"I want the Seth Cohen I fell in love with."

"Who the hell was that Seth Cohen?"

"A sweet, tender boy who loved me from here to the moon," she said, trying to lean on his shoulder and to recapture some of those moments from when they first started dating.

"Well he was never real. I mean that Seth Cohen was an only child. That Seth Cohen thought he had a brother who wanted to be part of his family. He thought his parents gave a damn about him. That Seth Cohen thought he was actually Jewish. He had a bar mitzvah. He ate a Passover Seder and he loved celebrating all the other holidays –especially the ones with presents – but then that Seth Cohen found out the Jews don't consider him Jewish!"

"What are you talking about?" Summer stared open-mouthed, horrified at Seth's tirade.

Seth closed his eyes and leaned his head back on his seat. Suddenly, he felt like all the energy had been sapped out of him. His feet, his chest, even his eyelids felt heavy. He just wanted to stop talking, but Summer wouldn't let him.

"Talk to me Seth. What are you talking about? Of course you're Jewish. You're name is Cohen." She didn't know why she was focusing on that, because there were so many other things obviously bothering Seth.

"That's what I thought, until someone told me otherwise."

"So they're wrong."

"I looked it up. I've checked all over the Net and I went to the school library and Ms. L helped me look it up. It's true."

Summer paused, not sure what to say. "So what if it is? And I'm not sure you're right. But say you're not Jewish. Who the hell cares? You're still Seth Cohen."

"You just don't get it."

"So make me get it."

"I was always Seth Cohen the boy with the Jewfro. The geeky awkward kid who couldn't play sports, because he was all Jew and not an athlete."

"I didn't care that you were Jewish. I didn't even know until you said something about your Jewfro. It didn't matter to me either way," Summer said softly, trying to put a reassuring hand on his arm.

He shook it off. "You just don't get it. You don't get me. If you can't understand it maybe we shouldn't date anymore."

"What the hell are you talking about Cohen?"

"I'm talking about us. It's not going to work out. We're both changing too much."

"I'm not changing." Her voice shook and tears welled up in the corner of her eyes and threatened to slip, but Summer Roberts would not cry. Especially over a boy. Especially over Seth Cohen. "You're the one who hasn't been acting the same. It's ever since –"

Seth climbed over the seat and slid into the driver's side. He turned the ignition and jerked the gearshift into reverse. He pressed on the accelerator and turned onto the nearly empty street so violently that Summer fell over in her seat. She was glad the streets were empty, because Seth was driving like a madman.

Five minutes later, he reached his house and screeched to a halt before the gate's entrance. He jumped out of the car, nearly colliding with Summer who was trying to get into the driver's seat.

"Sorry," he said.

"So am I," she said hotly. "I'm sorry I wasted my time on such a prick. To think I wasted my time and energy being jealous of Anna, because you had chosen her. Go to hell Cohen. I don't care if I ever see you again."

"Yeah. Have a nice life too," he said and walked up the drive.

He was looking at his feet, wondering if he should smoke another joint before he went to bed, when Ryan hissed his name. Seth jumped. He hadn't seen his brother.

"Isn't it passed your bedtime?" he mocked.

Ryan tore off the skin from the edge of his thumb. "I've been waiting here for the past five minutes, praying you'd come home. Sandy went into your room and saw you were gone. I had to do some fancy footwork, but I think he believes me that you're in the pool house looking for something."

"So what am I supposed to do?"

"Sneak around back and try to make it look like you were really searching for something."

"Okay." Seth turned and started to walk to the back of the house.

"I can't keep covering for you Seth."

Seth stopped and turned around to face Ryan. "So don't," he said and walked away.


	17. Downward Spiral

_I'm back.  And here's another update.  I hope to write a little more frequently and finish this up soon, but I make no promises.  I hope everyone enjoys this… As usual, Mr. Schwartz and TPTB at Fox, I do not own The O.C. or any of its characters.  But I'm taking possession over this very long hiatus.  I might return them in November._

            Ryan sat in Dr. Acobas's office, studying the painting that hung over the therapist's chair. It was by a no name painter – but the view of the Brooklyn Bridge and the New York skyline as its background was still nice to look at.  Ryan wondered if the doctor was originally from New York, otherwise why would he have the picture hanging in his California office. 

            The secretary had told him to wait in the office and that the doctor would be with him in a few minutes, but that had been more than five minutes ago and Ryan wondered what was keeping him.  He was tempted to just get up and walk out, but didn't want to face Sandy with an explanation.

            That morning, when Sandy had reminded him about the appointment, Ryan had asked if it was too late to change his mind.  Sandy nodded.  "I'm afraid so, kiddo."  Ryan sighed heavily, while Sandy continued.  "I think this is important," he said softly.  "If you won't talk to me or Kirsten, then you should talk to someone.  You obviously felt it was important, otherwise, why would you have skipped school to see the doctor on your own?"

            Ryan's head snapped up.  He hadn't realized that Sandy knew.  He wondered why his adoptive father had said nothing.  The school hadn't called, because as far as they knew, Sandy had signed his son out, but Sandy didn't seem to know that.  Obviously, the therapist had said something.  So why was he being so calm about it?  He had yelled at Seth for cutting and had grounded Ryan before for ditching.  What was different this time?

            Sandy seemed to read Ryan's mind.  "I know it's not going to happen again," he said sternly.  "And it seemed pointless to bring it up.  What was I going to do, ground you?  You're already grounded."

            Ryan looked down at his cereal bowl, avoiding Sandy's intent gaze.

            "It was a mistake," Ryan said softly, his voice barely above a whisper.  "I shouldn't have gone to him.  I don't need to see the therapist."  Ryan didn't want to sit through a session, where the shrink believed he was a drug addict.  "He can't help me."

            "Well Kirsten and I disagree and so does Dr. Acobas. So for now, you're going.  Dr. Acobas and I will be in touch to see that you're going, so don't bother skipping.  If we have to, Kirsten and I will drive you back and forth."

            Ryan shoved back his chair, grabbing his empty cereal bowl and spoon.  Petulantly, he threw it into the sink; hard enough to make it clatter, showing he was angry, but not hard enough that it should break.  For the first time ever, Ryan walked away from the sink, leaving a dirty dish behind.

            Now, sitting in the analyst's office, Ryan knew he couldn't leave without facing the wrath of Sandy, and he preferred to avoid that right now.  Lately it seemed like they only communicated at home by arguing.

            "Sorry to keep you waiting, Ryan.   I had an emergency situation.  How have you been?" asked Dr. Acobas, as he settled himself in his leather executive's chair.  He grabbed a pen and yellow pad from the little table beside him and crossed his legs.  "When I spoke to your father, he sort of figured out that you had skipped school.  I hope I didn't get you into too much trouble.  Though I never did confirm it."

            Ryan shook his head.  "He mentioned it this morning, but it was okay.   It didn't get me into any more trouble, I'm grounded anyway for forever."

            Dr. Acobas raised his brows.  "Why is that?"

            "I started punching one of our guests during a dinner party."  Ryan instantly regretted his words.  There was something about this office that made him talk more than he wanted to.  Did Dr. Acobas have some special truth serum sprayed in the air to make his patients open up?

            "Oh."  The psychoanalyst didn't bother to mask his surprise.  "Why would you do that?"

            Ryan shifted into a sideways sitting position, so his legs were propped up on the couch and his back was leaning against the armrest.  He said, "It's not important."

            "It's important enough that you got grounded for a very long time."

            "Indefinitely. Until I tell Sandy and Kirsten why I did it."

            The therapist nodded knowingly.  "So they don't know why you hit this person.  Wouldn't it make life easier, if you just told them what it was all about?  You could hang out with your friends.  Date your girlfriend.  Enjoy being a teenager."

            Ryan sighed.  "I can't tell them."

            "Can you tell me?"

            Ryan tilted his head as he mulled over the question.  The doctor couldn't tell Sandy or Kirsten and maybe he'd start believing that Ryan wasn't the drug addict, but that he really needed to help someone.

            "I hit the bastard because he's the one who got my friend hooked on drugs.  He even provided him with samples."

            "I see."  But from the tone of his voice, Ryan saw he didn't see.  "Then why couldn't you explain this to your parents?  Surely they would understand your anger and they wouldn't punish you as harshly."

            "Because then they would want to know who it was on drugs.  They can't know.  I've got to help this kid without them finding out."

            "Ryan, it's not necessarily up to you to save this kid.  You've just turned seventeen.  There are trained adults to help youngster with drug problems."

            Ryan realized that the doctor was finally starting to believe him.  That there was someone else— not him— hooked on drugs.  He breathed a sigh of relief, and leaned forward, closer to the therapist.

            "I've done it before," Ryan said with a shrug of his shoulders.  "But this is different.  This person doesn't want help. With my mom, I only helped when she got so bad that she had no choice but to listen to me."

            Dr. Acobas kept his expression in check, hiding how his heart went out to this teenager who lived more of life than most kids his age.  "You know," stated the shrink, "You're with the Cohens now.  They want to take care of you.  One of the reasons they adopted you was so that you could just be a kid.  Let them be the parents."

            Ryan shook his head.  "I can't.  Not this time.  Anyway, it's not the same since Christina Hope was born.  Kirsten's been… different.  And Sandy is always worried about her.  He's too wrapped up in his wife and the baby.  I don't know if they could handle the truth."

            Suddenly, the doctor saw it and wondered why it had taken him so long to figure it out.  He felt like slapping the palm of his hand to his forehead and shouting, duh, but instead he said in a hoarse whisper, "Seth is the one on drugs, isn't he?" and Ryan slowly nodded his head.

            As Ryan pedaled home on his old rusty bike, a jumble of thoughts ran through his mind.  The bike was the only relic of his days in Chino.  Sandy and Kirsten had offered him a new one, but he had refused, preferring to remember where he came from.  Not that he could forget, but it was easy to become comfortable in the Cohen household with all its luxuries.  The bike reminded him it hadn't always been that way and that it could disappear any minute.

            The wind ran through his hair and his calves hurt from the exertion of pedaling at a half stand on the too small bicycle.  His shoulders felt lighter, as if a tremendous weight had been lifted off of him.  Now that Dr. Acobas finally believed him, maybe the doctor could tell him how to handle Seth.  He knew the doctor was still bound by confidentiality, so his secret was safely locked in the office he had just left behind.          

Though there was at least one more person who finally knew Seth's secret.  But he knew he could trust Summer.  He recalled lunch earlier that day and how he had realized that Seth was seriously going off the deep end.  At this rate, his brother was bound to hit rock bottom a lot sooner than he anticipated.

            He had walked over to his usual lunch table, tray in hand, only to find Marissa comforting a sobbing Summer.  When he threw Marissa a look, asking what was wrong, she mouthed over Summer's head that Seth had broken up with her.

            "Hey, Summer," he said gently, sitting down on the bench beside her.  He slid the lunch tray on the table. "It's okay." He rubbed the top of her arm, trying to be a comfort.  "You want to tell me what it was all about?"

            Summer looked up, her eyes red and puffy.  "I don't know.  I don't get it.  We were making out last night.  Lately, that's all he wanted to do.  But he was getting rough and I didn't like it."

            Alarm bells went off in Ryan's head.  "Did he hurt you?" he asked.  He would throttle Seth if he had hurt Summer. 

            Summer shook her head.  "Not like that.  He would just touch me all over and touch me hard."  Red crept into her face.  "My breasts were getting sore from all our fooling around and I told him, he had to be more gentle."  Slowly, she told Ryan and Marissa the rest of the story, occasionally stopping to give a little cry and burying her head in Marissa's shoulder.

            "I don't get why he's like that," she whimpered.  "What's wrong with Seth?"

            Ryan caught Marissa's eyes and he slowly nodded his head, as if it say, go ahead and tell her. 

            "Summer," Marissa said gently.  "Seth is hooked on pot.  It's not really him.  It's just the marijuana."

            Summer stared at Ryan as if only he could confirm it as truth.  He slowly nodded his head.

            "How could Cohen be so stupid?" she yelled.  If her sobbing hadn't attracted enough attention, her bellow did.

            "He's been going through a lot," Ryan said simply.  "And his new friend Mitch hasn't helped any."

            Summer's eyes widened.  "That's why you were beating the crap out of him at that party.  So why are your parents so pissed at you?" she asked.  "Once they realized what a turd Mitch is, they should have let you off pretty lightly."

            Ryan shrugged.  "Sandy and Kirsten don't know anything about this."

            "Why not?"

            Ryan sank in his chair.  "They can't deal with this right now.  I've got to help him on my own."

            He noticed Marissa and Summer swap meaningful looks.

            "Ryan," his girlfriend, said gently.  "When I overdosed in TJ, it would not have helped me if you had kept it to yourself.  You know, about my drinking and everything else."

            Ryan let out a deep breath as if he was a deflated balloon.  "You had nowhere else to go but up after TJ.  I'm hoping we can save Seth the dramatics.  We can get him some help before his parents have to know.  Sandy, maybe he could handle it, but Kirsten, she'd probably break."

            "Won't they be mad at you, if they find out you kept this from them?" asked Summer.

            "I'm hoping it won't come to that.  Just do me a favor," he said turning to both girls.  "Please trust me on this one.  I know what I'm doing."  But deep down, he wasn't so sure anymore.

            "Are you doing anything tonight?" Seth asked Mitch.  They were sitting on the pier after school, passing a joint back and forth between them.  Seth had told his mother that he had another Litmag meeting after school, because they were trying to meet a deadline.  She hadn't questioned him, but just nodded her head.

            Mitch shook his head.  "My Dad has a business meeting with your grandfather."

            "I meant later."

            Mitch smiled.  "Right.  You're still grounded.  When does that end?"

            Seth scratched his ear.  "In a couple of days.  At least I'm not Ryan."

            "Why?"  Mitch took a long drag on the joint.

            "My parents grounded him until he tells them why he punched you."

            "How long will it take him to crack?" Mitch asked curiously.

            "You don't know Ryan.  He's not much of a talker.  He can take lots of crap."

            "So you think your parents will crack first?"

            "Most definitely," Seth said, with a wry smile.  He glanced at his watch and said, "I better be getting home."

            "I'll take you," Mitch offered.

            Ten minutes later they were parked a block from Seth's house.  He had asked Mitch to drop him off there, in case someone should see him.  He knew Ryan had a meeting with Dr. Acobas, and he thought Sandy might come home early to see how it went.  Not to mention the new nanny had started and that meant Kirsten would possibly more aware of her sons' comings and goings, since she wasn't busy with Christina all day long.

            "Seth, my connection just gave me a couple of samples."  Mitch pulled out a small ziplock back with two white pills.  "You want to try it?"

            "What is it?" asked Seth.

            "X.  It will far surpass the high you get from the grass."

            Seth hesitated, but took the bag from Mitch's hands.

            "Hang on to it.  You don't have to take it right away.  When you're in the mood."

            "Don't you want it?"

            Mitch shrugged.  "I had some.  I can always buy more."

            "Thanks."  He stuffed it into his pocket and jumped out of Mitch's car.  "See you tonight?"  
            "I'll wait here at eleven."

            "Mr. Cohen, your son's guidance counselor is on extension 3021."

            Sandy's head jerked up as the secretary's voice came over the intercom.  He wondered what trouble Ryan had gotten into at school.  He closed his eyes and picked up the receiver, thanking the receptionist.

            "Sandford Cohen," he said.

            "Mr. Cohen, this is Mr. Ahearn, Seth's guidance counselor."

            "Seth?"  Sandy couldn't hide the surprise in his voice.  "I thought this was about Ryan."

            "No, no," reassured the guidance counselor.  "Ryan is doing wonderfully.  You should be very proud of him.  But I'm concerned about Seth.  I've noticed his grades have been dropping.  I've tried to schedule a few appointments with him, to discuss it, but he keeps missing them."

            Sandy sighed.  He wasn't even sure how to respond.  Aside from the one night where Seth had stayed out, he seemed okay.  He knew things had been tense since Christina's birth and especially since Ryan's fight.  He had noticed Seth had been a little edgier than usual, but he hadn't thought it had spilled over to school.

            "Are things okay at home?  Is he having behavioral problems there to?"

            "Um," Sandy closed his eyes, thinking hard.  He rubbed his temples, willing the dull pain that was starting behind his eyes, to go away.  Kirsten was finally getting back to normal.  She was fighting her obsessive need to be everything to the baby.  They didn't need any more problems.  "My wife and I, we had a baby this summer.  It's been a little hectic.  Things are finally calming down, but it's been a long time since there was a baby in the house.  Until we adopted Ryan, Seth was an only child."

            "It could be as simple as that.  We can deal with this in a number of ways.  We can schedule a meeting with you, your wife and son.  We can discuss it with Seth.  Work out a game plan to bring his grades back up.  He's going to start filling out college applications any day now, and I don't want this to adversely affect his chances of getting into the school of his choice.  He's always been a top student."

            "I think I'd like to talk to Seth first.  See what he says.  If possible, I want to keep this away from my wife."

            "If that's what you think is best.  Okay.  Will you keep in touch?"

            "Absolutely.  And Mr. Ahearn, thank you for your call."

            Sandy hung up the phone while yanking open his desk drawer.  He pulled out a bottle of ibuprofen and popped four pills into his mouth, washing it down with a gulp of water.  He wouldn't be able to hide it from Kirsten for long.  He just wanted to keep it from her until he spoke to Seth first.  Maybe, it was nothing.  Maybe it was really all about the new baby.  But the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, told him otherwise.

            Ryan glanced at the clock when he heard Seth slam his bedroom door shut.  _Bad move_, thought Ryan as the baby started wailing.

            "Seth Cohen," Kirsten yelled, coming out of her bedroom.  "Don't you dare slam any doors when the baby is sleeping."

            "Sorry, Mom," Seth said, sounding genuinely contrite for the first time in days.

            "It's okay, Mrs. Cohen, I'll look in on her.  I'll get her back to sleep."

            Ryan could practically hear Kirsten's sigh of relief through the walls.  "Thank you, Ms. Rothman.  That would be wonderful."

            Ryan pictured the nanny's sweet smile as she said,  "That's what you hired me for, Mrs. Cohen.  Go back to sleep.  You need your rest."

            "Thank you."

            Ryan heard Kirsten's bedroom door close and within minutes the baby stopped crying.  Sensing, the coast was clear, Ryan left his bedroom to talk with Seth.  He didn't feel like facing Kirsten, who would ask about his therapy session and he didn't want to have to make polite conversation with the ever-cheerful Mrs. Rothman.  He just wanted to see Seth.

            "Seth, can I come in?"

            Ryan was already halfway into Seth's room, so his brother just shrugged.  He was lying on his bed, half sitting, his long legs extended.

            "Most people wait for an answer."

            "I didn't want to wake the baby again."

            Seth bit his lip, failing to hide his smile.  "Mom's going to kill me when she wakes up fully."

            "As long as it's not me."  He sat down on the computer chair, watching Seth fiddle with his ipod.  He searched his brother's eyes, looking for signs of drug use.  Seth's eyes were red, and Ryan could tell he had smoked that day.  Ryan swiveled in his chair, turning to face the computer.  He ran his fingers along the keyboard and said, "I heard you and Summer broke up."

            "News travels fast." Seth took off his earphones, resting them around his neck.  Ryan hid his smile, but was inwardly delighted that Seth was making the effort to have a real conversation with him and not trying to block him out.  "I heard you went back to the head shrinker."

            Ryan rolled his eyes.  "Flying fists and a closed mouth with get you right back on the analyst's couch."

            "So, you told him why you punched Mitch."

            Ryan nodded, noticing that Seth had diverted the conversation from his breakup with Summer.

            "I suppose he wants a family session now."

            "He wanted one before, but yeah, he wants one now."

            "So your shrink thinks I'm a drug addict."

            Ryan shook his head.  "No.  But I think you're addicted to drugs.  And if you would just admit to it and get help—"

            "I don't need help."  Seth put his headphones back in his head, signaling the end of the conversation.

            "Are you going out again tonight?"

            Seth didn't say a word.

            "Well, you'll need help when they check up on you. I'm not lying for you anymore."

            "I told you," Seth said, coldly.  "I don't need your help.  I don't want your help.  I'll do what I damn well please and if Mom and Dad finally open their eyes and catch me, so be it."


	18. Signs

_So, I hope everyone had a happy Fourth of July, though I sense a lot of readers don't celebrate this particular holiday.  I know this chapter is a bit short, but it was a good place to end it.  Please read and review.  Oh and yeah, I don't own the O.C.  Yadah yadah yadah._

Ryan closed his AP History book and stacked his notes neatly in a pile on his desk when Kirsten announced dinner would be ready in ten minutes.  He peaked in on Seth, who was still listening to music on his ipod and flipping through a graphic novel.  There were no textbooks or homework in sight, and Ryan wondered if Seth's grades had started to take a nosedive.  Harbor wasn't like his high school in Chino.  You couldn't coast and expect to pass.  He waited a moment, hoping Seth would acknowledge him, but his brother didn't turn away from his music and books. 

The doorbell rang.  Ryan waited, but he didn't hear anyone go to answer the door.  He trotted down the steps as it rang a second time and yanked the front door open.  Caleb Nichol stood at the entranceway and the sight of Kirsten's father made Ryan wish he had stayed upstairs with a sullen Seth. 

"Come on in, Mr. Nichol."  Ryan stepped aside. 

"It's Mr. Nichol now?  Not Caleb?  Not Grandpa?"

Ryan didn't answer.  He had barely called the older man Caleb and had never called him Grandpa.  But it was obvious that Caleb was in good spirits.

"Hey Dad."  Kirsten walked into the foyer, wiping her hands on a towel.  Ryan hoped she wasn't cooking.  She stood on her tiptoes and pecked her father on the cheek.  "How was your day?"

"Excellent.  Andrew Weider and I closed the deal."

"You did?  He didn't back out?"  Kirsten glanced at Ryan, but quickly looked away when she saw the sick look on his face. Her adopted son looked like he was going to throw up.  She was sorry she said anything in front of him.

"I had to make a few compromises," Caleb explained just as Seth bounded down the steps.  "But not as many as I thought I would."

"You closed the Riverside deal?" Seth asked.

"That I did."  He clapped Seth on the back.  "Why are your eyes so red?"

Ryan held his breath.

"Lack of sleep?  Hitting the books too hard?  Take your pick," Seth answered easily.

"Too many video games," Caleb offered.

"Seth hasn't played any videogames for at least a month," Kirsten started to explain.

"Mom, please," he whined. "Let the man think what he wants.  He's not getting any younger."

"Watch it, boy," Caleb warned good-naturedly.

"I'm glad the Riverside deal went through," Ryan said softly, not sure if this was the time to say anything, but not sure when else he would have the courage to apologize.  "I'm sorry for any trouble I may have caused."

The easy banter stopped and a silence fell over the room.  Ryan swallowed, hating the attention that was being focused on him.  He knew the apology to Caleb was long overdue, but Caleb Nichol frightened him.  Even Dr. Kim and Julie Cooper didn't scare him as much as Kirsten's father.  Caleb caused a dread in Ryan that he had only felt with Dawn's worst boyfriends.

"I know that it was my fault that it didn't go the way it should have.  I'm sorry for that," he repeated.

"Nonsense."  Caleb waved his hand, as if he were waving away a pesky fly.  "Business is business.  Perhaps your little fight slowed things down for a couple of days, cost me an extra dinner or two, but in the long run, it was nothing."  Caleb swung a hand over Ryan's shoulder.  "Stop looking so afraid.  What do you think I'm going to do?  Cut you out of my will?  You'll have to do a lot worse than that."

Ryan's eyes darted from side to side, but as he saw Kirsten and Seth's faces he had to break out in a wide grin that showed all his teeth.  Caleb's will?  He was still surprised when Caleb remembered his name.  Why would Caleb Nichol include Ryan in his will?  Did that mean he really thought of him as one of the family?  Ryan still wasn't sure of his place in the Cohen household.  Why  was it so easy for everyone else to be sure?

"Boys, go wash up for dinner," instructed Kirsten.  "Dad will you join us?  Sandy will be home any minute."

"I'll stay a little while and catch up with the boys.  But I better not eat.  I promised Julie a family dinner with the girls."

Seth and Ryan turned to each other, trying to picture the domestic scene their grandfather was painting.  As soon as they were out of earshot, they burst into giggles, picturing Marissa sitting with her stepfather.  She was still livid at him for blackmailing her into living with Julie, though she was getting used to life in the Cooper/Nichol home.  And she admitted it wasn't too terrible seeing her little sister on a regular basis.  She was able to look out for Caitlyn and shield her from Julie's overbearing motherly instincts.

"You know why the Riverside deal went without a hitch?" Seth asked.

"Beats me.  I never thought Andrew Weider would forgive me for hitting his precious son.  I thought he would definitely take it out on Caleb."

"It's because he was afraid Grandpa would find out that Mitch got me into drugs."

"Huh?"  Ryan creased his brows, trying to ignore Seth's matter of fact tone. 

Seth pumped soap into his hands and ran them under the tap.  "The other day, Mitch and I were in his room.  I was smoking and Mitch was rolling a joint.  Mr. Weider walked in on us.  I thought I was a gonner for sure and that he'd call Mom and Dad right away.  Instead, he yells at Mitch for hooking me on the stuff and jeopardizing his chance at this Riverside deal.  I bet that's why he was willing to play nice with Grandpa and that's why he closed the deal so fast."

"That's twisted, man."

"That it is.  But I got you off the hook, didn't I?"

"If you hadn't started smoking the stuff in the first place, I would never have been in the mess in the first place."

"Don't blame your anger issues on me, Ryan. I never asked you to punch Mitch.  That was your doing entirely."

"Whatever.  Don't expect me to thank you."

Seth rolled his eyes.  "I would never expect that."

"Why don't we hang out tonight?"  Ryan asked, hoping the few minutes of civil conversation would get Seth to stay in and away from Mitch.  "Maybe we can get Sandy and Kirsten to cave and let us watch a video.  Your choice."

"I have plans already.  Sorry."

Ryan dried his hands on a towel as Seth retreated from the washroom.  Plans.  Plans that included a whole lot of trouble he imagined.

Seth shook the can of spray paint up and down.  "It's all in the wrist, man.  It's all in the wrist."

"Shaking spray paint takes lots of talent.  I know," Mitch agreed.

"You want it to go on with the right consistency.  This way it blends in with the sign."  He was sitting on Mitch's shoulders so that he could reach the yellow and black sign that said, "Drive Slow."

"You'd think the government would bother with being grammatically correct."  He shook the can one more time and added an 'ly' to slow so that the sign read 'Drive Slowly.' 

"You done yet?" Mitch said.  "You're damn heavy."

"Me?" Seth asked innocently, climbing down from Mitch's shoulders.  "Heavy?  Couldn't be."

"Try lifting yourself."

Seth twisted his leg around, trying to land it on his shoulder. After a minute or so, both he and Mitch were on the pavement doubled over and laughing.  They had each smoked a joint before setting out on their excursion. 

"You know," Mitch started.  They were both sitting on the edge of the curb, catching their breath from laughter.  "I keep picturing that stop sign," he pointed to the red sign at the corner, "over there at that corner."  He pointed one block over.

"There's a traffic light at that corner."

"Exactly."

Seth hooted as soon as he saw the picture Mitch was trying to draw.  He imagined Kirsten sitting in the Range Rover at a red light, her foot hovering over the accelerator anticipating a green light.  He saw her start to press down, but then glance at the tree above with a stop sign nailed to it.  The foot stopped in confusion.  Her eyes dart back and forth between the traffic light and the stop sign, not sure what to do.

"That would be priceless," Seth agreed.

"So let's do it."

"Let's do it."

They grabbed a couple of tools out of Mitch's trunk and set to work. 

"You're useless with the back of a hammer," Mitch declared, in a loud whisper.

"I know," agreed Seth.  "That's why we adopted Ryan.  It's his Chino blood.  He can use a hammer, nails, and screwdrivers.  You name a tool he can use it."

"Cohen, did your parents teach you how to whisper?"

"Stealth is not my forte."

"It's a pity," came a low gravely voice that neither recognized.

Seth and Mitch looked up at the beefy figure clad in a cop's uniform.

"Neat costume," Seth said.  "Where'd you pick it up?"

"Got it when I graduated the police academy," offered the stranger.

"So that badge is real."

"Very real."

"So we're in trouble."

"Big trouble," agreed the officer.  He took out his radio and muttered something into it. 

Seth gave Mitch a pleading look, but his friend just shrugged his shoulders in return.  He didn't know how Mitch could be so calm.  Seth thought he would crap in his pant.  Was this how Ryan had felt when the cops had cornered him and Trey with the stolen car?  But Ryan didn't have to think about facing Sandy Cohen. 

            "Where's Seth?" Sandy asked.  He stuck his head into Ryan's room without knocking.

            "I don't know," answered Ryan.  "He's not in his room?"

            Sandy shook his head.  "Do you think he snuck out to the pool house again to play a video game?"

            Ryan suppressed a grin.  That's what Sandy thought Seth had been doing the other night when Seth had snuck out to be with Summer.  Sometimes he wondered how his brilliant lawyer could be so clueless.

            "Oh come on," Sandy said, stepping into Ryan's bedroom.  He was glad to see that the room looked lived in.  Ryan had put up a few posters and there was a small pile of dirty clothes in the corner.  It was a long way from the teenager who had kept everything meticulously neat so he would be as little trouble as possible.  "Just because I let you guys get away with things, doesn't mean I'm clueless."

            "Hey, can't get anything over you," Ryan agreed.

            "So he's not in the pool house?"  Ryan's sarcasm flew right over Sandy's head.

            "I've been in my room since dinner.  I have a killer history exam tomorrow."

            "Does Seth have the same test?"

            "Seth and I don't have the same classes."

            "Well at least he's not blowing off another exam.  Mr. Ahearn called.  He said you're doing very well."

            "Thanks." 

"But he was concerned about Seth.  Have you noticed Seth acting strangely?  Besides the time he blew off babysitting and didn't come home until three in the morning."

            Ryan looked down at his books as if he were intently studying the words on the page.  This was his chance to tell Sandy everything.

            "He's been on edge lately," Sandy continued.  "Very snarky.  I thought it was because he was grounded.  I was always a pain in the neck when my mom grounded me."

            "Yeah, I noticed that too," Ryan said.  "But I thought the same thing."

            "You don't get snarky when you're grounded."

            "Probably because I'm just glad that I can mess up and no one is beating the crap out of me."

            Sandy was quiet.  "I'd never do that."

            "I know."

            Sandy tousled Ryan's hair and stood up from the edge of his son's bed.  "I better go see if I can find Seth and talk this out.  Sometimes, I regret having such a big house."

            Sandy was still looking ten minutes later when the phone rang.  The realization that Seth may have snuck out was slowly sinking in.

            "Sandy," called Kirsten frantically, not bothering to be quiet near the nursery.  "Sandy, it's Seth on the phone.  He's calling from the police station."


	19. The Cell

_Thanks for all the great reviews.  And Miss Suga I love you too.  Josh and the people once again, I assure you I have no delusions about owning these characters._

            Seth knew his parents weren't particularly strict.  He knew he was lucky, because there was no doubt that they loved him and for the most part they let him do what he wanted.  That's why they had let him go to ComicCon alone from the time he was fourteen and it was easy to wrangle permission for parties and concerts with a simple promise of being good and staying away from drinking and drugs.  Some people considered him spoiled, but compared to most of his classmates he knew he wasn't spoiled, though he was probably among the luckier ones.

Growing up, Seth had never feared Sandy or Kirsten because they were loving, but firm.  His parents had barely laid down the law.  He really had to mess up for them to punish him, like the time he had helped Ryan run away and the model house burned down or when he had left while babysitting and came home at three in the morning.  But from the time Seth had been in diapers Sandy had drilled in that there was no excuse for not respecting and obeying the law.

Shortly after his sixth birthday, before they had moved from Berkley to Newport, Seth had stolen a candy bar from the corner bodega.  He had asked Kirsten if he could have it, but she had said no, because it would spoil his appetite for dinner.  Seth had really wanted the candy so he had simply taken it and put it in his pocket, not really thinking about the consequences. Sandy had found it before Seth could eat it and it was the only time in Seth's memory that his father had raised a hand to his only son.  After spanking Seth, Sandy had forced him to go back to the store and admit taking the candy to the store manager and offering to take whatever punishment the man could think up.  Lucky for him, the manager just took back the candy and left it at that, sensing that Sandy would not leave the matter unpunished.

Perhaps it was the spanking, that had never been repeated, or perhaps it was the utter disappointment in his father's face when he had realized Seth had stolen, but that incident had left an indelible impression with Seth that always kept him on the right side of the law. 

Now, in the dark dingy cell with the peeling paint and musty mattresses, Seth fervently wished he had a joint to calm his nerves.  But that wasn't possible, because when the officer had frisked him, he had found Seth's roach, adding a charge of possession to his trouble.  He knew he would have to face his parents before the night was over, and Seth wasn't sure if he could do it without some more marijuana in his system.

Sitting on the floor, with his legs bent and his head hanging between his knees, Seth tried to steady his trembling body.  He took long deep breaths, trying to block out the stench of urine from the steel toilet bowl that was right beside him.  He was alone.  Mitch had been placed in an adjoining cell and Seth could only imagine what his friend was feeling. 

The din of the jail, jangling keys, the squawking of the cops' radios, and the high-pitched singing of a drunk in a far off cell, couldn't drown out Seth's thoughts.  He wished he had listened to Ryan and had stayed in that night.  SethRyan time was long overdue and his brother had proffered his hand with a peace offering, ignoring all the rotten, ugly things Seth had said to him during the past few weeks.  Seth had not been a brother to Ryan, not the way Ryan had been a brother to him.

"Cohen," bellowed one of the officers.  Seth jerked his head up, wiping away the tears that welled up in the corner of his eyes and saw a broad-shouldered figure come up to the bars and insert a key.  "Your parents are here."

When Kirsten had first said that Seth was calling from the police station, Sandy's stomach dropped to his toes as if he were on one of the amusement park rides where they dropped you from one hundred feet.  He immediately thought the worst that his son had been in an accident and that he was hurt.  Sandy had grabbed the nearest phone and breathlessly said, "hello." He could hear Kirsten's labored breathing on the other end.  Or was it Seths'? He wasn't sure.

"Mom.  Dad.  I'm in trouble."  Seth's voice had cracked.  It was shaking and he couldn't continue. 

Someone must have taken the phone from him, because an older more mature voice came on the line.  "Mr. and Mrs. Cohen.  I'm Officer Turner.  Your son was arrested when caught stealing a street sign.  But upon searching him we found drugs on his possession."

Sandy heard his wife gasp at the other end. 

"Which precinct is he in?  We'll be right down."

"Is Seth okay?" Ryan asked.  He stood at the foot of the steps, looking pale and frightened.

"He's not hurt," Sandy reassured him.  He was checking his pockets for his phone and keys. "Just in a world of trouble."  He patted Ryan's shoulder.  "Can you stay here with the baby?  Mrs. Rothman will be here too, just in case."

"Of course," said Ryan.  "Whatever you need me to do."

"Thank you, Ryan."  Kirsten came up to him with a pocketbook slung over her shoulder.  "I feel much better knowing you're here with the baby."  She kissed his cheek lightly and then pulled her husband with her.  "We have to go, Sandy."

Sandy's knuckles were white as he gripped the steering wheel and navigated the roads to the precinct.  He looked straight ahead at the road, not stealing any sideways glances at his wife, whom he suspected was doing the same.  Their jaws were taut with both anger and worry. 

"What are we going to do?" Kirsten asked, finally breaking the silence.

"First I'm going to see how we can get him out of this legal mess and then I'm going to kill him."

"They found drugs on him, Sandy."

 "I know."

"I don't know if I want to smack him or hug him."

Sandy reached over and squeezed his wife's knee.  "We'll get through this.  Somehow."

Sandy was relieved that he recognized a few faces at the precinct.  He knew that it was wrong to be so willing to get his son out of the legal trouble.  Seth should be forced to face the consequences of his action, but Sandy didn't want a police record trailing Seth at this point of his life.  It would ruin his chances of getting into any decent college.  He couldn't do the same for Ryan when they had first met, but he knew he would do whatever he could to get any of his children out of trouble.  And there was no way in hell that Seth would spend even a minute in Juvie if he could help it.

"Sandy Cohen.  What brings you down here?  I heard you left the PDs office and joined a private law firm."

Sandy's mouth spread into a wide smile.  "Ben Murray.  It's been too long."  He took the beefy hand that was extended to him and pumped it up and down.

"So, one of your rich clients needs legal assistance?  I heard we picked up two Newport teens tonight.  They're in a holding cell right now."

Sandy scratched the back of his head, his smile quickly disappearing.  "I'm afraid one of those teens is mine.  Seth Cohen." 

Officer Murray didn't answer, not sure what to say to his long time friend.

"This is my wife Kirsten," Sandy said, nudging his wife in front of him, saying something to end the awkward silence.  "We came to get him."

Officer Murray picked up a sheaf of papers that was on a nearby desk.  He flipped through the sheets until he found what he was looking for.  "He was picked up for stealing a street sign.  He had a can of spray paint in his possession and we found a joint in his pocket.  We're waiting on the ADA for charges.  But Sandy, I'd worry about the stop sign charge.  It can be as simple as vandalism or it can turn into a felony count of reckless conduct."

Sandy rubbed his eyes with one hand and felt Kirsten's grip tighten around his other one.  He hoped the ADA would be in a good mood. 

"You may have some wiggle room," offered Officer Murray.  "They were caught before the sign came down completely.  Though by the officer's account, there's no question as to what they were up to."

"Thanks."  He slapped Ben's arm in appreciation.  "Who's the ADA on duty?  Is he or she around?  I'd like to talk."

"I'll go find someone."

As Ben Murray retreated, Kirsten turned to her husband.  "It's bad, isn't it?"

Sandy nodded.

"I just want to see Seth."

"They'll have him in a cell alone.  Let him stew a little.  We're better off seeing him once we get the charges squared away."  He kissed the top of Kirsten's head.  "I'm going to make some calls.  See what strings I can pull.  Maybe we can work out a deal.  Can you sit tight a little longer?"

Kirsten shook her head.  "I want to see my son, Sandy.  Now."

Sandy nodded his head, recognizing the determined look on his wife's face.

"I'll get one of the officers to take you to him."

Ryan couldn't sit still.  He read the same paragraph in his history textbook six times before giving up.  He cleaned up his room, putting away the clean laundry Rosa had piled on the top of his dresser, and balling up a pile of his dirty clothes and dumping it in the hamper.  He had never been very messy, so cleaning up only occupied five minutes of his time.  Sandy and Kirsten were probably just arriving at the precinct.

_How long would it take them to figure out that Seth was using drugs?_ he wondered.  One thing he was sure of, Seth would need a hit badly.  In the past three weeks, the only time Seth wasn't on a high was in the morning when he first woke up.  He would bet the first thing Seth would do when he got home was to look for his stash and light up.

Ryan knew what he had to do.  He peeked into the nursery and watched the rhythmic rise and fall of Christina's chest for a full minute, before invading his brother's privacy.  He started with Seth's desk and found nothing.  He pulled out his dresser drawers and threw aside underwear, socks and tee shirts.  Still Ryan found nothing.  He looked through the closet and came up empty.

He knew Seth kept drugs in his room.  The question was where.  He stood in middle of the room and looked around.  Someplace no one would look.  Ryan's eyes fell on Seth's plastic horse.  Captain Oats.  He walked over to Seth's night table and picked up the horse.  He shook it up and down and knew his instincts had been right.  He twisted off the horse's head and found six rolled joints inside. 

Ryan took the horse into the bathroom, shook the marijuana out over the toilet and flushed.  He put the head back on the horse and returned it to Seth's night table.  At least Seth would be forced to face his parents without his crutch.  Now all Ryan had to do was watch the clock and wait for his family to come back from the police station.

"Mom."  Seth walked out of his cell straight into his mother's arms.  He felt like he was five-years-old again as he fell into his mother's embrace.  "I'm sorry."

"Seth, what has gotten into you?"  Kirsten asked after hugging him tightly.  She pushed him away and put her hands on his face, forcing him to look her in the eyes.  She wore a no nonsense look on her face.  The look that had always made Seth spill the truth as a child.

"You were grounded.  So you snuck out of the house and went to steal street signs?" She asked, when her son didn't answer.  "And you had drugs on you.  Were they yours?  Or were you holding it for your friend?"

Seth looked at his feet.  He didn't know how to answer.

"Talk to me, Seth."  Kirsten's voice bounced on the walls and made her son shake.  "Look at me now.  Were the drugs yours?"  She put her hand under his chin and pushed it up so that his eyes met hers.  She didn't miss the tears welling up in the corners of his eyes.  "Were the drugs yours?" She repeated, her voice leaving no room for excuses.

"Yes," he finally said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Kirsten closed her eyes.  "Are you addicted?"

Seth shook his head.  "I just like to have a hit every once in a while."

"Did you use tonight?"  Her hand was still planted firmly on Seth's chin, so he couldn't avert his gaze. 

"Yes."

"Well that explains how you could have done such a stupid ass thing like try to steal a street sign.  A stop sign!  What would happen if some innocent motorist drove through the intersection and barreled into an oncoming car?  Were you even thinking?  Or was your brain to addled from marijuana?"

"I'm sorry Mom."

"I don't know if you are, but you will be."

Seth didn't want to think about what his parents would do.  Right now, he wanted to go home and find a joint.  Behind his mother, Seth saw someone else walk in.  Kirsten followed her son's eyes and saw that Sandy had joined them. 

"Dad."

"Seth."  Sandy stepped forward but didn't take Seth into his arms, even though he sensed that's what Seth wanted.  Truth be told, that's what Sandy wanted too.  He wanted to scoop up Seth and tell him everything would be all right, but at this moment, Sandy didn't trust himself.  He was too angry.

"I'm sorry."

"I know."  Sandy stepped forward, standing behind his wife.  "Who was your friend?"

"Mitch Weider."

Sandy nodded.  It was what he expected.

"I'm in a lot of trouble.  Aren't I?"

"I spoke to my friend in the DA's office.  There won't be any drug charges.  And you'll be charged with misdemeanor vandalism for trying to steal the stop sign.  You'll probably get probation and community service."

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me now." 

Seth tried to ignore the steely edge in Sandy's voice.  He didn't see any of the usual love and concern his father had in his eyes, even when he was angry with Seth.

"What about Mitch?"

"He didn't have any drugs on him, so obviously there won't be any drug charges.  The other charges will be the same." 

"Will you get him out tonight?"

Sandy wondered why his son was so concerned about Mitch.  Was it a delay tactic?

"He can go as soon as he's released into the care of a parent or guardian."

"Dad, you have to call Mr. Weider."

"I don't have to do anything, Seth."

Seth swallowed.  "I- I'm sorry."  He should have figured that anything he said could set his father off. 

"The police would have called Mr. Weider, just like they called me," Sandy explained, his voice growing softer.

"You just don't know Mr. Weider like I do."  Seth thought back to when Mitch's father walked in on them while they were doing drugs. 

"I'll call," Sandy said giving in, realizing how anxious Seth was about his friend.  And Sandy still didn't like to see kids locked up in jail, unless there was absolutely no recourse.  He pulled out his phone and dialed Andrew Weider's number.

Seth could only hear Sandy's side of the conversation, but from the look on his face and Sandy's anxious voice, Seth knew he had been right to worry.  Andrew Weider was not like other fathers.  He was a cold, heartless man, who was out for his own self-interest.  He wondered how this man had gotten his license to parent.

"You understand that he won't be released until you pick him up.  Yes, I understand," Sandy was saying, "but in my professional experience, I'm telling you that lock-up is no place for a seventeen-year-old boy… Okay.  I understand."  Sandy pressed the end button on his phone and snapped it shut.  "He wants Mitch to spend the night.  He'll pick him up in the morning."  Sandy shook his head.

"But Dad—"

"There's nothing I can do, Seth," snapped Sandy.  "I tried.  My only concern now is you."  He took Seth roughly by the arm and pulled him along.  "We're going home now.  We have court in the morning."


	20. Facing the Music

_Wow!  Your reviews have been really great.  Originally, I had written this as one long chapter, but decided to divide it into two shorter ones.  Something about it just made sense.  Enjoy the "double" update.  I don't know how much updating will happen next week. I actually have a busy schedule.  As usual:  I own nothing._

            It was only a fifteen minute drive from the precinct back to their house, but for Seth it was the longest, most silent, most excruciating ride of his life.  He felt lightheaded and his stomach was queasy.  He just wanted to go up to his room and curl up in bed… with a joint.  His hand was shaking and he was glad Kirsten and Sandy couldn't see that from the front seat. 

            They pulled into the driveway and no one moved to go into the house.  Finally, Sandy pulled the key from the ignition and opened up the front door.  Kirsten followed suit and Seth just sat in the backseat.  Sandy noticed his son not moving and icily said, "Get in the house, Seth."

            Seth bit back a comment and stepped out of the car.

            "In the kitchen, now."

            "Mom, please.  Can we do this tomorrow?"

            "No we cannot," Sandy said.  He wasn't shouting, but it didn't mask how angry he was.  "Go plant your ass at the kitchen counter."

            "Yes sir."

            "Drop the sarcasm Seth.  You're in no position—"

            "Hey," Ryan said, coming down the stairs.  "You're home.  Is everything okay?"  His eyes searched his parents and brother.

            "We're going to talk to Seth," Kirsten explained.  "Is Christina okay?  Did you finish studying for your test?"

            "She didn't wake up at all," Ryan said.  He didn't answer the question about his test, because he didn't want to lie, but it was no time for the truth.  He could tell from the looks on their faces. 

            "We'll be in the kitchen with Seth."

            "Okay," Ryan said, getting the meaning behind Kirsten's words.  "I'll wait upstairs," though he had every intention of coming back down the stairs and eavesdropping when the coast was clear.

            "Thanks for your help tonight, Ryan."

            He smiled and gave small wave.  As soon as he was at the top of the stairs, he waited until he couldn't see anyone and silently came back down and snuck into the family room where he could hear everything that was going on in the kitchen.

            "I don't even know where to start," Sandy said.  He was pacing back and forth, walking behind Seth, not yet ready to face his son.

            Seth was sitting at the counter; his hands and legs were shaking.  The sweat on his forehead was glistening.  Usually, when he was nervous, he'd start to ramble.  But when he started to open his mouth, nothing came out.  It was as if the words were choked in his throat.

            Kirsten leaned on the counter, her arms crossed against her chest, trying to maintain a stern expression. Inwardly, she knew this was her fault.  She couldn't help blaming herself.  She let her hormones rage out of control after Christina's birth and she did nothing to help herself or her family.  Sandy had urged her to get help, but she insisted that she was all right.  It was only in recent weeks that she was actually able to pull herself together, hire a nanny, and return to her formal self.  She just hadn't realized the wreckage she had left in her path to recovery.

            "How long have you been using?" Sandy finally asked.  He stopped next to Seth's chair and leaned into his son, so that their faces were barely inches apart.

            "A few months."

            "What drugs have you tried?"

            "Just marijuana."

            "Where did you get it?" Sandy asked.

            Seth said nothing.

            Sandy slammed his fist on the counter, making both Seth and Kirsten jump.  "Where did you get it?" he repeated.

            "Dealers.  At school."

            Kirsten's eyes widened.  She wasn't naïve enough to deny that drugs were part of Newport life. She didn't totally live in a cocoon, insulated from the real world, but she had never really thought that there were drug dealers in the twenty thousand dollar a year private school she sent her sons to. 

            "Where did you get the money for the drugs, Seth?" she asked.

            He shrugged.  "My allowance.  Birthday money.  It's not that expensive."

            "Why did you start using?" 

            Seth barely heard his father ask the question; Sandy had said it so low.

            Seth studied the grain of the Formica counters.  He shrugged.  "It seemed like a good way to unwind."

            Sandy opened his mouth to say something, but Kirsten stopped him with a look.  She knew that it went deeper than that and that right now, when her son was angry, scared and confused they would not get to the bottom of this.  Perhaps they wouldn't be able to get the answers they needed without a professional's help. 

            "How often do you use?" Kirsten asked.

            Seth shrugged.

            "Mr. Ahearn called today," Sandy said.  "He said that your grades have been dropping and that you keep missing your appointments to discuss it.  So it only took your arrest for me to figure out what the root of the problem was."

            "I'm not an addict."

            Kirsten saw his shaky hands and knew he was lying to himself and to them.

            "So your hands are shaking because you're that terrified of us?" Kirsten asked.  "Or has it been that long since you last had a hit?"

            "Do we have to do this now?" Seth asked suddenly, his head snapping up.  "It's been a long night.  We haven't touched on the legal mess I'm in and I just don't think I can deal with it right now."  His parents just stared at him as if he were an alien from another planet.  "You can save the lecture.  I know I'm grounded until I'm eighty-five.  I won't get that car for graduation.  You can chain me to my room.  I don't care.  Just let me go to bed."

            Against her better judgment Kirsten said, "okay.  We'll finish this in the morning.  When we're all fresh."

            Seth hadn't really thought his parents would give in.  But he was grateful to his mom.  So he slid off the stool and left the kitchen without a backwards glance, before they could change their minds and call him back in.  He heard them start arguing before he got to the bottom of the stairs.

            "I can't believe you just let him go like that!"

            "We weren't getting anyplace, Sandy.  This is beyond our expertise.  He obviously has a drug problem and simply grounding him is not going to fix it."

            "So sending him up to his room so that he can avoid us, that's going to help."

            "No.  It's going to give us all a chance to calm down and to collect our thoughts.  We should have sent him to his room right away and stopped to talk and to figure this out.  Are we mad about the vandalism? Are we mad about the drugs?  Are we even mad?  I mean, Sandy, right now, I'm just scared."

            Kirsten fell into her husband's arms and leaned against his chest.  They stood that way for a few minutes until they heard a noise in the other room.

            Ryan silently cursed as he stood up from his crouched position and bumped into the corner table, causing one of Kirsten's vases to teeter.  He caught it in time.  But as he stood in a semi crouched position, arms outstretched to steady the overpriced piece of ceramic, he looked up to see Sandy and Kirsten standing in the doorway watching him.

            "Hear anything interesting?" Sandy asked dryly.

            His face turned a deep shade of red.    "Sorry," he mumbled.

            "Did you hear enough?" Kirsten asked, not nearly as amused as her husband.

            Ryan had the good sense not to answer.  He'd been stupid to eavesdrop.  Even stupider to try and get up while Sandy and Kirsten were still in the kitchen. 

            "The show's over until tomorrow," Kirsten said.  "You can go back to your room."

            "Sorry," he said again and scooted out of the room, ducking his head from Kirsten's glare.

            "Oh come on Kirsten," Ryan heard Sandy say, lightly.  "Boys will be boys.  Eavesdropping is a misdemeanor compared to what the other one has done."

            "I'm just wound up," she admitted.

            "Then maybe we should go to bed.  Things will have to look better in the morning."

            Seth stood in the doorway of his room and just stared at the mess before him.  "Rosa's got to do a better job of cleaning up," he muttered to himself.  And started to make his way to his night table, kicking aside the clothes and books that were strewn all over the floor.  It wasn't until he opened up Captain Oat's head and saw the empty horse that Seth started to understand.

            "I flushed it down the toilet."

            Seth whirled around and saw Ryan standing in his room.

            "You son of a bi—"

            "Yeah I know.  But I did it for your own good.  I knew that you'd be biding your time.  Waiting to get upstairs so that you could smoke a joint.  I knew it would be the only way you could face them."

            "I did fine facing them.  I could do it without drugs if I wanted to.  I choose to smoke."

            "So choose not to."

            "Why?"

            "Because look at what it's turned you into!  I miss my brother.  The easy-going kid who wouldn't shut up to let anyone else get in a word edgewise.  You used to be funny.  Now you're sullen.  Brooding."

            "I learned from the best."

            "I don't get why you need the drugs.  You have everything.  Everything dammit.  Even when my ass was getting kicked on a daily basis and my mom was so drunk and strung out that she could barely remember my name, I never ever turned to drugs.  So why should you?"

            "So I'm the poor little rich kid.  You know what.  Money doesn't solve everything."

            "You think I don't know that?" Ryan shouted.  "You think that I think life is so good here is because you have money?  I love living here, because there are people who give a damn about me.  Because I felt wanted for the first time in my life.  The people in this house are sober and even if they get drunk once in a while," Ryan thought about last Thanksgiving when Kirsten got wasted on Margaritas and wine, "They're not nasty.  You don't know how good you've had it all these years."

            "Like I said, I'm the poor little rich boy," Seth repeated quietly.  "But you know what – even the rich kids have problems."

"What are your problems, Seth?  Tell me all about them.  What's so bad that you felt the need to drown all your good senses in marijuana?"  Ryan was shouting.  Not caring if he woke up Christina or brought Sandy and Kirsten out to intervene. 

"You bastard."  Seth came out swinging.  Ryan saw it coming and sidestepped him, so that Seth fell forward banging into his bulletin board.  Half the pictures came flying down the wall.  It took him a moment to regroup, but when he stood up again, he lunged for Ryan again.  This time, he clipped his brother on the chin. 

Ryan couldn't believe Seth was trying to punch him.  If Seth had been in his right mind, he would know that he could never win a fight against Ryan.  Seth had a couple of inches on him, but Ryan was the one with the muscle.  And while he had broken his first promise to Sandy and Kirsten about a half a dozen times, the one where he swore he wouldn't fight anymore, Ryan knew that however he chose to deal with this, he couldn't hit Seth back.  It was out of the question.  But he wasn't about to show up to school with a shiner provided by Seth Cohen.  He'd never live it down.  So Ryan tried to evade Seth's next swing.  Seth clipped him on the shoulder, this time causing Ryan to stumble backwards and slipping on the scattered photos he fell to the floor, pulling Seth down with him. 

Seth wasn't thinking about the reality of the situation, that he could never actually win a fight with Ryan.  His mind was fuzzy, or he would consider that the guy he was trying to hurt was his brother and best friend.  Seth did realize that boxing and punching wasn't his forte and he'd never get Ryan that way.  So with both of them on the floor, he dived for his brother's chest and started to claw at his hair and throat.

"Get off of me," Ryan gasped.  He reached up and tried to push Seth off of him.  Instead they rolled around, each trying to be the one on top.  Seth landed a few smacks on the side of Ryan's head and a punch to his mouth, which drew some blood on the corner of his mouth.  Though Ryan never hit Seth, he refused to stay still

"What the hell is going on in here?  You woke up the baby." Sandy walked in the room and stopped short when he realized that his two boys were trying to kill each other.

"Seth.  Ryan.  Stop it."  Sandy leaned over and tried to pry them apart.  "Dammit.  I said, stop it now.  What's gotten into the two of you?"  Ryan let go of Seth immediately, but Seth was still trying to claw at his face.  "Seth!  Stop it.  Now.  You're in enough trouble as it is."

Sandy yanked Seth up by his arm, allowing Ryan to scoot out from under his brother's angry rampage. 

"Separate corners.  Now."

Seth stumbled onto his bed and Ryan sat down on the computer chair.  Both were breathing heavily. 

"What's going on?" Kirsten asked, coming into the room, tying the sash to her silk robe, tight around her waist.

"These two bozos were fighting," Sandy filled in, when neither of the boys would answer.

"I swear I didn't start it," Ryan said.  "I was just protecting myself."  His eyes were wide with fright.  With all the trouble he had been in, he'd never been a danger to anyone in the family.  He closed his eyes.  If Sandy and Kirsten thought he had hit Seth or tried to start a fight with him, they'd throw him out for sure.

"Seth?" Sandy turned to his first-born son.  "Is that true?"

"Yeah," he said dully.  "He ransacked my room."

"Ryan?"  Sandy turned back to Ryan.

Ryan looked down at the carpet and made circles with his big toes.  If he told Sandy and Kirsten what he was looking for, then they would know he knew about the drugs the whole time.  He couldn't admit that.  It would be as bad, maybe even worse, than if he had hit Seth.

"Ryan?" demanded Kirsten.  "Why would you go through Seth's stuff like that?"

"I was looking for my history notes.  I thought Seth had them."

Sandy knew Ryan was lying.  He just didn't know why.  He was tempted to just let it go, but he couldn't.  So he said, "You just told me tonight that you and Seth didn't take the same history class."

"We don't," piped up Seth, realizing that if he didn't go with Ryan's lie, they would have to tell his parents about his stash of drugs.  That was definitely a bad idea.  If he had a joint, even a small hit, then maybe he could think clearly.  Why would he leave Ryan an opening to tell them about his stash?  "But we learn the same material.  I was using Ryan's notes.  I didn't ask him for them and forgot to return them."

Both Sandy and Kirsten looked from boy to boy, realizing that they wouldn't get the truth out of either one.   

"Fighting in this house is not acceptable," Kirsten said firmly.  "Both of you get to bed.  Seth, we have to be in court early tomorrow.  Ryan, come with me.  Let me see if I can clean you up a bit.  There's a first aid kit in the bathroom," she said with a sigh.  "Come on," she said irritably, when Ryan didn't move. 

"I'm sorry," Ryan mumbled to Seth as he meekly walked towards Kirsten.

Sandy noticed that Ryan looked like a whipped puppy.  He hated that Ryan was still so insecure about his place in their family.  He and Kirsten had hoped that by adopting him, it would assuage those feelings, but it had only proved to be a temporary solution.  Anytime Ryan did something wrong, acted up, like a typical teenager, he feared that it would be the straw that broke the camel's back.  This time, Sandy and Kirsten would send him packing. And while he didn't think Ryan was blameless in tonight's fight, Sandy was sure there was more to the fight and he would somehow get to the bottom of it.  He had heard them arguing, though he hadn't heard what it was about.  Instincts told him it had something to do with the drugs.


	21. And It All Comes Out

            The next day, Sandy called into the office and told them he wouldn't be in. Kirsten was going to allow Ms. Rothman to take care of Christina all day, which would be a first for her, but she had no choice and allowing the flexibility to go out when she needed was one of the reasons they had hired a nanny in the first place.  But both Sandy and Kirsten insisted that Ryan go to school as usual.  He had a big test and there was nothing he could do for Seth at the Courthouse.  They assured him that their cell phones would be on, except for while they were in the actual courtroom, and he could call them, but that he should try to go about his day as if it were a normal one – the best that he could.

An associate from Sandy's office had agreed to represent Seth, but it was pretty much all a formality, since Sandy had done most of the wheeling and dealing the night before.  They had both assured Seth that it would be very simple, because they weren't going to contest the charges and he would plead guilty.  The A.D.A. would explain that they had come to an agreement and by the end of the day, Seth would officially have a criminal record.

            "We'll have your records sealed when you turn eighteen.  This won't follow you forever.  But I don't know what it will do to your college applications," Sandy said as he brushed lint off of Seth's collar.  He was wearing a button down shirt and a navy sports jacket that Kirsten had picked out.  She said it was important to make a good impression on the judge. 

            "The judge can decide to give you a different sentence, so you better be contrite, Seth.  You better look sorry," she had told him that morning, while she was pawing through his closet.

            "I am sorry, Mom," he had told her.

            Now in the hallways of the courthouse, Seth shrugged.  "It's okay.  Thanks for doing this for me.  You could have let me face all the other charges."

            "Seth, you're my son.  I love you.  I told you once, there's a reason why I spent so much time and energy keeping kids out of those places.  I wouldn't send my own son to one.  No matter how badly he screws up.  We'll get passed it.  We'll fix this somehow."

            Seth couldn't believe his parents were being so cool about this.  "Will Mitch be there?"

            Sandy nodded.  "He'll get the same deal."

            "What sort of community service will I have to do?"  Seth stuffed his hand deep in his pocket, hoping his parents couldn't see his shaking hands.

            Sandy shrugged.  "I don't know.  We'll figure it out."

            Four hours later they were back at home.  The Cohens officially had two sons with criminal records.  Though Ryan was the good one now, Seth thought ironically.  His probation had ended a couple of months ago.  It would be his turn to face the whispering, and derision in school – again.

            The thought of going back to school made Seth sick to his stomach.  But he knew his parents would force him to go back the next day.  Seth grabbed his phone and dialed Mitch's number.

            "Mitch."

            "Seth.  Hey."  They hadn't had a chance to talk in the courthouse.  They really hadn't talked since they had been hauled down to the station.  "I can't talk for long.  If my dad sees me on the phone, he'll throw a fit."

            "Yeah, mine too.  Listen, Mitch.  Ryan found my stash last night.  He flushed it."

            "Shit."

            "Yeah.  I need some.  Bad."  There was a quake in his voice.

            "I have some here I could give you.  But I'm under house arrest.  The old man is pissed that I have a police record.  He thought it was a pretty clever prank though."

            "My mom lectured me about how I could have killed someone," Seth said with an ironic laugh.  "If I can sneak out, I'll let you know."

            "He got the pills too?"

            "What pills?"

            "The ones I gave you a couple of days ago.  You didn't use them already, did you?"

            "I forgot about those.  I'm not sure where I put them."

            "See if you have them.  It'll take the edge off.  And when you're back in school, you can get more."

            "Thanks Mitch." 

Seth hung up the phone and started to claw through his dirty laundry to find the jeans he had been wearing that day.  He finally found it on the bottom of a mound, next to his closet.  He dug in the pants and found the small baggie with the two pills.

            He no longer cared that he was messing with a much stronger drug.  He needed it badly.  He knew his parents would want to talk to him soon.  They would suggest therapy.  A drug rehab program.  They'd start talking restrictions.  Seth knew to face that he needed to be calm.  Truth was, E was probably a better choice than marijuana to face one of Sandy and Kirsten's lectures.

            In the bathroom, he swallowed the pill with a glass of water.

            "What is that?" Kirsten asked, walking in on him.

            _Damn, should have locked the door_, he thought. 

            "Tylenol."  He held up the bottle that he kept on the counter at all times and shook it at her.  "All this tension has given me a headache."

            She nodded her head.  "Well, why don't you change and then come down to talk with your dad and I."

            "Court really wiped me out.  Do you think I could lie down for a little bit first?"

            Kirsten chewed her lip.  She shouldn't give in.  They had to talk and she preferred to do it before Ryan came home, so they wouldn't have a repeat of last night's performance.  Yet she dreaded this discussion as much as Seth did, so she agreed.  "But just for a half hour or so."

            Seth nodded gratefully.  He needed time for the drug to hit his system and while he wasn't sure how long it would take, he knew it wouldn't happen right away.  Close to an hour later, Seth felt a wave of dizziness and nausea.  He knew it was the drugs.  He hoped it would pass soon and it did.  Ten minutes later, he went downstairs for the talk.

            His limbs felt limber.  His parents' voices sounded as if they were coming from far away.  Seth didn't really care about what they were saying.  As he had anticipated, they said they had called up Dr. Acobas, Ryan's therapist, and he had agreed to see him tomorrow after school. 

            "He also suggested an NA meeting.  They have one for teens at the hospital.  There's a meeting tonight.  I'll take you."

            And then they started laying out the restrictions and Seth knew he would be in hell – but they didn't set a time limit.  They said the restrictions would stay in place until Seth had earned their trust back.  It was worse than hell if that was possible.  But Seth just nodded his head and accepted it all.

            When they were done, he went back to his room, and thumbed through some magazines.  He was supposed to be doing homework, but he wasn't in the mood.  Ryan came home and tried to talk to Seth, but Seth wouldn't talk to him.  Finally, Ryan gave up and went to his room.  He didn't notice the glazed look in his brother's eyes. He didn't know that Seth had the little white pills.

            As the effects of the X started to wear off, Seth started to feel despondent, especially when he thought about how sucky his senior year would be, with community service, probation, therapy and no life.  He had really screwed up.

            "Hey kiddo, you should get ready.  We're going to go to that NA meeting."

            "I don't want to go," Seth said sullenly.

            "You have to go," Sandy said.

            Seth sat up and put his shoes on, giving Sandy the impression that the fight was over.  Studying the jeans he had changed into before the big talk with his parents, he thought they'd be okay.  But his tee shirt was dirty, so he stood and scoured through his drawers until he found a tee shirt that he knew his parents would hate and started to put it on.

            "I need to go see Mitch," he said.

            "You'll see him in school.  Frankly, it would probably be a good idea to stay away from him."

            "You can't keep me away from my friends.  No matter what I did," Seth said, walking out of his room.  He grabbed a jacket on the way out, because it was nippy in November. 

            "Yes I can.  I don't think the two of you are a good pair.  You never would have gotten into this sort of trouble before you met him."

            "You don't know that."

            "I do," Sandy said, following Seth down the stairs.  "Seth, what's gotten into you?  You were fine a couple of hours ago."  Seth didn't answer.  Sandy hadn't really expected one.  "Seth, come on.  You said you would go to an NA meeting."  He blocked Seth's path and saw the look in his eyes and suddenly it dawned on him that somehow, Seth had found a drug he could take.  Sandy should have searched his room. 

            "I'm going to Mitch," Seth repeated, close to the front door.

            Sandy grabbed Seth's arm.  They both clenched their strong jaws and eyed each other like animals ready to attack their prey.  Seth's brown eyes turned steely as he tried to wrench free from his father's grasp.  He wanted to shout, kick, and scream like a petulant three-year-old, but he couldn't bring himself to give Sandy the satisfaction.

            "You are not leaving the house like this."

            Seth tugged hard and broke free.  "I'll do what I damn well please."  He turned and headed for the front door.

            Sandy seized him again.  "I'm not going to let this behavior continue."

            Seth grabbed the doorknob, but Sandy had a strong grip and would not let his son budge.

            "Let go," seethed Seth through clenched teeth.

            "I won't let you ruin your life like this."

            "Come on Seth, don't do this." Ryan said as he came into the room and took in the scene before him.  He could hear the shouting all the way upstairs in the baby's nursery.

            "Stay out of this, Ryan," Sandy said quietly.  "This is between me and your brother."

            "I'm out of here."  Seth broke free again and sprinted up the three steps that lead to the front door.

            "No you are not!"  Sandy was quick.  He got to the door before Seth and stood in front of it.  "Get your ass back in the house and park it in the kitchen."

            Ryan would have listened.  Three months earlier, Seth would have listened.  But this Seth, this angry, strung out Seth couldn't care less.  He pushed Sandy to the side with such violence that Sandy stumbled, knocking his head on the wall.  Seth hesitated for a moment, but then yanked the door open and ran out of the house.

            "I'll go after him," Ryan said.  "I'll talk to him."

            It took a moment for Sandy to register what Ryan was saying.  He sat up still dazed and shocked by his son's behavior.

            "No you're not.  No one can reason with him right now.  He was coming down from a high."

            "Where'd he get the drugs?" Ryan said.  "I flushed them last night before he came back from the police station."  The words flew out of his mouth, before he realized what he was saying.

            Sandy slowly turned and stared at Ryan.  Smoke was coming out of his ears.  His face was beet red.  "You knew about the drugs before we came home from the police station?  How?"

            And suddenly Ryan knew that Marissa, Summer and even Dr. Acobas had been right.  He should have told Sandy and Kirsten ages ago about Seth's drug problem.  Right now, the shit was about to hit the fan.


	22. On the Run

_Thanks for all the great reviews.  I'm glad you're enjoying the story.  Brandywine, you're right.  I pretty much only have a textbook knowledge of drugs.  I did research, and think I have the facts right, but I've been waiting for someone to point that out.  Hope it doesn't ruin the story for you._

_Thanks to whoever nominated the story for a Citrus Award.  Enjoy._

_And finally, Mr. Schwartz, when you look at my bank account, it's painfully obvious that I own no part of the O.C_.

            Kirsten breathlessly ran into the room as soon as she was able to put a fussy Christina down.  She had heard the commotion, but Christina would not calm down and Kirsten didn't want to upset her further by bringing her close to the loud confrontation, though she had been desperate to see what was going on.  She was stunned to find Sandy on the floor, his back to the wall, staring icily at Ryan.  Seth was nowhere in sight.

            "Sandy.  Ryan.  What happened?  Where's Seth?"

            "Seth ran out," Ryan told her.  He fixed his gaze on Kirsten, trying to avoid, Sandy's glare.

            "Sandy, how'd you get on the floor?"

            "I'm fine."  He pushed himself off the floor and stood.  Kirsten steadied him as he got to his feet.  Sandy rubbed his the back of his head.  "I'm fine, Kirsten," he said shaking her off.  "Seth and I were arguing."

"He pushed you?"

"I stum-" But Sandy stopped himself.  He realized the worst thing he could do was to lie for his son.  Obviously, Seth's problem ran deeper than he realized.  He'd get Seth the help he needed.  And maybe right now that was a kick in the ass.  "He pushed me.  We'll deal with it when he comes home."

"What if he doesn't come home?"

"He'll come home as soon as he cools down.  I trust he knows that we love him no matter what.  But there are other things we have to deal with now."  He fixed his eyes on Ryan and took a deliberate step closer.  "Ryan, tell me what you meant before."

            Ryan backed up until his back was up against the wall.  His eyes were wide with fright, like a deer caught in headlights as Sandy inched closer.  Sandy's usual affable expression was a stony mask of rage. 

            "Kirsten and I didn't tell you that he was charged with drug possession before we left for the police station, so how is it that you knew to go into his room and look for drugs?"

            Kirsten stood glued to her spot, listening and watching in disbelief.  She couldn't ignore Ryan's terrified expression, but Sandy's words were like a hand squeezing her heart until she could barely breathe.  Ryan knew about the drugs?  Ryan knew and didn't say anything to them?

            "I knew," Ryan said slowly and purposely, "because I saw him smoking once and saw the drugs in his room."

            "And you didn't tell us?" Sandy asked.

            Ryan shook his head.  Sandy was invading his personal space.  There wasn't even an inch between them and Ryan had nowhere to run.

            "Why the hell not?" Sandy's roar shook the chandelier right above them.  "Why the hell did you let things spiral this out of control?"

            "I thought," he choked.  "I thought I could handle it myself.  That I could help Seth before either you or Kirsten had to know."

            "You're seventeen-years-old-Ryan.  What the hell did you think you could do?"

            "Sandy, calm down," urged Kirsten, though she was equally upset.  But she saw that Ryan was near tears.  She doubted anyone had managed to bring Ryan to tears since he was a very little boy.

            "I will not calm down.  Seth's life is in the toilet, because he's hooked on drugs and has a criminal record to boot.  This is how you repay us for everything we've done for us?"

            Ryan's head snapped back as if he'd been slapped.  Sandy had never referred to taking him in and adopting him as charity.  They had always insisted that he was party of the family.  That he was a Cohen now.  His stomach churned.  Acid rose to his throat.  He had always been grateful for everything they had done for him.  For their love and support.  But Sandy's words had made him feel dirty and disgusting.

            "Ryan, why wouldn't you tell us about Seth?" Kirsten asked softly, trying to minimize Sandy's words.  She could see Ryan's face turning shades of green and red.  She tried to ease Sandy back, away from the terrified boy, to no avail.  Sandy was too angry to see what he was doing to his other son.

            "You had the baby.  And I knew Seth would see reason."  His voice shook and cracked.

            "But he didn't see reason did he?" Sandy spat.

            Ryan shook his head.  "It got out of control too fast.  I couldn't stop him."

            "Again, why didn't you come to us?" Sandy said each word slowly and deliberately. 

            Ryan didn't know what to say.  So he didn't say anything.  And that just infuriated Sandy.  He wanted answers.  He wanted to know how this boy, whom he took in as one of his own, could endanger his family like that. 

            "Why didn't you come to us?"  Sandy shouted again.  He stretched one arm out to hold the wall, locking Ryan in one side.  "Answer me, dammit," he said, raising an open hand to Ryan.

            "Sandy!"  Kirsten cried in a shrill voice.

            Sandy's whole body jerked as if was being shaken awake from a bad dream.  He looked at his hand, confused, realizing what he had been about to do.  What his anger had nearly done.  Embarrassed, shocked, sick to his stomach, he backed away from Ryan.

            "I'm sorry, Ryan."  His voice was choked with tears. 

            Ryan was struck dumb.  He blinked once.  Twice.   Sandy had been about to hit him.  The acid rose to his throat again and Ryan bolted from the wall and headed straight for the bathroom. He pushed the door open, but didn't bother trying to close it.  He just leaned over the toilet, bracing himself by holding the sides of the porcelain bowl.  After a minute he could see everything he had eaten in the toilet, yet he was still having dry heaves.  He was gagging up nothing, but bile, but he couldn't stop.

            Kirsten was behind him suddenly, patting his back, trying to soothe him with reassuring words.  "You'll be okay sweetie.  It's okay.  We love you so much.  We wouldn't do anything to hurt you."

            It took nearly ten full minutes, before Ryan could stand up straight.  He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, trying not to swallow, so he wouldn't have to taste the bitter flavor of vomit.  Kirsten handed him some mouthwash and a placed a cold compress on his forehead.  He pushed it away.

            "You don't have to be so nice to me," he said.  "I don't deserve it."

            "You're my son.  You don't have to deserve it."  Her words were firm. Definite. As if she dared him to defy her.  She said them with such a steely determination that it made Ryan wonder how she could still think of him as her son, when he had failed her so.

            "Ryan, I'm so sorry.  Please forgive me."

            Ryan lifted his eyes.  Sandy looked older.  As if he had aged ten years in the past twenty-four hours.  "I deserve worse."

            "No one deserves to be hit.  I let my anger take control.  I shouldn't have lost it like that.  Can you ever forgive me Ryan?"

            Ryan shrugged.  "You didn't hit me.  You stopped."  He moved to step out of the bathroom, and Sandy shifted to the side to let him out.

            Sandy wished that he could turn time back so that he could change what he did.  He had broken Ryan's trust.  Did the very thing that he had sworn he would protect the fragile boy from when his mother had abandoned him.  At that very moment, Sandy hated himself and from the look of utter disappointment on Kirsten's face, he knew she wasn't far behind.

            "Where are you going, Ryan?"  All of a sudden Kirsten noticed that Ryan was walking towards the front door.  "We have to talk about this."

            He shook his head.  "No. We don't."  His voice was detached as if he were far away.  Ryan felt like he was swimming under water.  Everything was so surreal.  He couldn't wrap his head around everything that had happened.

            "Please, Ryan," Sandy begged.  "Don't go."  He was afraid that Ryan would never come back.

            "I have to find Seth."

            "We'll call around.  We'll find Seth," Kirsten urged.  "But I want you to stay here.  You're not well.  You just threw up."  She mustered every ounce of her no nonsense, don't argue with me voice, and she saw it made Ryan hesitate for just a minute, but it didn't work.  "Well, at least take your cell."  She scurried into the kitchen and quickly grabbed it from the cabinet Sandy had placed it after confiscating it from Ryan.  Ryan hadn't waited for her, so she had to run after him.  "Ryan, I mean it.  You have to take this."  She pressed it into his hand.  "Please call us.  And answer it, if we call you.  Don't ignore the calls." 

            Ryan stuffed the phone into his pocket.

            "Don't stay out too late."

            He looked at her as if he couldn't understand what she was saying.  It was as if she was sending him off to a concert or on a date.  Didn't she realize that nothing would ever be the same?

            "I know you need to clear your head.  What happened in there is a nightmare neither of us ever thought could happen in this house."  She spoke rapidly, as if trying to fit everything she needed to say before Ryan took off.  "But you can't run away.  That would absolutely break this family."

            _What family?_ He thought.  _What was left of it?_

            "I love you," she said.  "We love you.  Sandy, Seth and I."

            He didn't acknowledge her, but just walked off.  He couldn't deal with Sandy or Kirsten just at that moment. 

Ryan walked down the driveway, beyond the gates and down the winding road to the beach. It was a windy night.  So he kept his head bent low, his shoulders slouched and his hands stuffed deep into his pockets.  He fingered the metallic cell phone and wondered if he would pick it up if he thought Sandy would be on the other end.  He knew one of them was bound to call, especially if he didn't, and he knew he couldn't call them.

He wanted to find Seth, but wasn't sure what he would say to his brother, who was just as messed up as he was at that moment.  Seth needed help.  He knew his brother.  The minute he realized that he had hit his father, Seth would either look for more drugs or do something drastic.  Seth Cohen could never live with himself for the way he had acted earlier that evening.

But he couldn't face Seth.  Didn't have the energy to look for him.  He fingered the phone again and realized that someone else would.  He flipped it open and browsed his phonebook until he found Summer's number.  He pressed send and waited while the cell connected.  She answered on the third ring.

"Summer, it's Ryan."

"Chino.  To what do I owe this honor?"

He closed his eyes.  She sounded so perky.  He couldn't imagine that anyone had a reason to be happy at that moment.  Sadness weighed down so heavily on his chest.

"Seth and his dad had a really bad fight tonight.  Seth pushed him down and then ran out of the house."

"Jeez," she breathed.

"A lot of shit happened.  I can't get into it.  But Seth needs someone.  Do you think you can try and find him?"

"I'll go."  She was already grabbing her purse and car keys.  "Any idea where he might of gone?"

"He mentioned Mitch, but I doubt Mr. Weider would let Seth anywhere near his son."

"I'll look in some of our regular spots.  I'll find him.  Don't worry."  She was about to hang up, when she softly asked, "Ryan, are you okay?  You sound… I don't know… really sad."  She had never heard Chino sound so morose and wondered if there was more to it than what had gone down between Seth and his dad.

Suddenly, she realized Ryan had said that Seth had hit **his** dad.  He hadn't called Sandy Seth's dad in a long time.  While he didn't outright call Sandy Dad, he usually called him Sandy, as if he had a place in the Cohen family.

"Ryan, did Sandy find out that you knew about Seth's drug problem?"

He didn't answer.  Finally he said, "Just go find Seth."  And he pushed the end key, concluding the conversation as it started to hit uncomfortable territory.

            Seth leaned against the mainmast.  His little sailboat bobbed in the water, but Seth could barely feel it under him.  He shut his eyes tight, but then opened them when he started to see images of his father on the floor, looking dazed.  He, Seth Cohen, had hit his father.  How low could he go?

            Then there was Ryan.  His brother.  His best friend.  Ryan had tried to help him, but he had pushed him away and had been nasty to him.  He didn't know if he could ever go home again and face his family.  Maybe he'd stay on his boat and just sail away.  To Catalina or Hawaii.  But then he remembered his probation.  Had Ryan felt like this when things got difficult at home?  Trapped.  Knowing that running away would just land him back in jail.

            Seth remembered visiting Ryan in Juvie and the baldheaded thug who had threatened his mother.  He didn't want to end up there.  But how could he go back home?

            Tired of his own thoughts, Seth thought it was time to find people who would spend time with him.  Anything, so that he didn't have to think about Ryan or Sandy or Kirsten or what a screw up he was.  He stood up, but it must have been too violent, because the Summer Breeze rocked violently.  He had to carefully sit down to calm the boat down or he would end up in the water.

            "I thought I would find you here."

            Seth squinted into the dark.  "Summer?"

            "Who else Cohen?"

            "What are you doing here?  Why are you looking for me?"

            Summer sat at the edge of the dock and crossed her legs Indian style.  "Ryan called.  He was worried.  Said a lot of shit went down at your house."

            "I'm on probation.  I pleaded guilty on the vandalism charge."

            "Your parents must have been pissed."

            He shrugged.  "Mostly, they're focusing on the drugs."

            Summer was quiet for a minute, unsure of what to say.  So much had happened between her and Seth.  She wondered why she had agreed to go and find him.  She stared at him in the dark, seeing his mop of curls that fell into his eyes.  She loved him, like she had never loved a boy in her entire life.  She had given her virginity to this boy and she didn't know him anymore.  But Summer wanted Seth.  She didn't want to lose him and so she made up her mind that tonight she would be strong for him, make him see that he needed help.  That he needed his friends and family.

            "Cohen, you've got to stop with the stuff.  It's not making you a nice person."

            He looked down at his feet and twisted the rope lying on the bottom of the boat around his hand.  "I need them."

            "That's the problem right there.  No one should need marijuana.  That's when you know you have a problem."

            "It makes me forget stuff.  I could use some weed now, so that I could just forget everything."

            "Do you want to forget me?"

            He lifted his brows.  "What are you doing here Summer?  I broke up with you.  I was a bastard to you.  A real prick.  Why would you want to sit here and listen to me wallow?"

            "Because I love you, Cohen.  We didn't really break up.  That was a drugged out Seth Cohen.  And I was to upset and angry to realize what was really going on.  So I don't accept the breakup.  As far as I'm concerned you are still my boyfriend.  But," she said, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder, "if you keep using, I can't be with you.  You have to stop."

            It started to drizzle.  Seth felt the drops on his hair and his eyes.  He heard the rain fall into the water and into his boat.  Yet, he didn't focus on that.  Instead he concentrated on Summer's last words.  "You'd take me back?" he asked.

            "If you get help for your problem… yeah.  But don't think I won't be there for you.  I'll hold your hand the entire away."

            "I love you Summer.  But I don't know if I can do it.  I can't go back home."

            "Why not?  Ryan's worried about you and so are your parents.  They want you home."

            "I can't face them."

            "Why not?" she demanded.

            "Because I hit my father, Summer.  What type of low down scum hits his own father?"  Seth's voice cracked. 

            She knew that Seth was sensitive.  He wasn't like the macho jocks she had dated before she got to know him.  But Summer had never seen Seth Cohen on the verge of tears before. 

"I know you Seth, you'd never do that if you'd been yourself. Come home.  See your dad.  I bet he's just worried about you.  I bet he'd be thrilled to see you that you're all right."  She stretched out her hand and offered it to him.  And Seth took it.

            Ryan trudged through the sand; his head bent low, his arms crossed against his chest as if he were hugging himself.  It had started to drizzle.  It was light, but persistent and after a few minutes, he was soaked, sending a chill down his spine.  But Ryan didn't care. 

As much as he tried to block it out the nights events kept replaying in his head.  He tried to knock them out by banging his temple with the palm of his hands.  He didn't want to remember.  He didn't want to think.  He just wanted to curl up and forget.              He had never felt certain of his place with the Cohens.  Even after they had adopted him, letting him know that he would always be part of their family, in the back of Ryan's mind there was always that small nagging feeling that if he did something big enough, they would send him away.  Tonight, Ryan was convinced that he had crossed that line.  He had seen and felt Sandy's rage and the fury that Kirsten had tried to hide.  If he went back, in all probability his bags would be packed and waiting at the door.

But Ryan wasn't sure that he wanted to go back.

How could he?

How could he when Sandy had raised his hand and had almost slapped Ryan?

But in the end Sandy hadn't done it.  He had stopped himself.

Ryan took a long shaky breath.  So what if Sandy had hit him or almost hit him.  He deserved it and a whole lot worse.  When he was young, and his father and later her mother's boyfriends, even his mother, had hit him, he hadn't always thought he deserved it.  Sometimes he knew that it was his fault for not keeping his mouth shut, or not being careful enough to go unnoticed, but for the most part, he knew that the people who were beating him were doing it out of anger or drunkenness and it wasn't Ryan's fault.

But when Sandy raised his hand at Ryan and it seemed to just hang in the air, Ryan knew that if it came down on him, it would be his fault and that he would deserve the pain.  Had he told Sandy and Kirsten right away when Seth's drug use had become habitual so much could have been avoided.

He sat down on the wet sand and pulled his knees to his chest.  He rested his chin on the top of his knees and wrapped his arms around the front of his legs.  He had never felt so confused in his entire life.  Even when his mother had thrown him out, Ryan knew exactly what to do.  He knew he needed to find someplace to stay until things blew over.  Then he could go back home.  Not that it had worked out like that.  But he had known what he was supposed to do. 

Now, Ryan had no idea what he should do or where he was supposed to go.

Kirsten sat by the kitchen table with a comforting hand on Sandy.  He was bent over the table, his head buried in his hands. His whole body shook as he sobbed.

"I ruined our family."

"It's not ruined," Kirsten said firmly.  "All families have bumps in the road.  Why should we be any different?"

"I got one son so mad at me, he pushed me down before he ran out and the other son, I managed to push out of the house by raising my hand to him.  What do I have in store for Christina Hope?"

"Sandy, you've got to stop feeling sorry for yourself.  Right now, we have to focus on the boys and how to get them back home safely.  So get yourself together and lets figure out what to do."  Her voice was harsh, the way she often talked to the boys when they weren't doing what they were supposed to do.  It caught Sandy's attention.

He stood up, ripped a paper towel from the roll, and dried his face of tears.

"What should we do?  Ask Ms. Rothman to watch the baby, split up, look for the boys?"

"Ryan has his phone," Kirsten reminded her husband.  She was glad that Sandy was slowly starting to pull his self together.

"What about Seth?" asked Sandy.

"What about Seth?" 

Sandy and Kirsten whipped around at the familiar voice.

"Hi," said Seth sheepishly.

Kirsten ran over to her son and flung her arms around his neck.  "Are you okay?" she asked.

He nodded his head.

"I was so worried," said his mother.

"I'm sorry."

Seth let his mother rub his hair and stroke his face, even though he hadn't let her show that much affection at one time in years.  He kept his eyes to the ground, studying the pattern on the kitchen floor.  He didn't dare look his father in the eye, even though Sandy was only a few feet away.

"I should go," Summer piped in uncomfortably.

Kirsten pulled away from her son, realizing that someone else was in the room for the first time.  "Summer, I didn't see you there.  Did you bring Seth home?"

Summer shrugged.  "Ryan called and asked me to find Seth.  He told me Seth needed a friend."

Kirsten smiled, taking Summer's hands in hers.  But before she could say anything, Sandy broke in.

"You spoke to Ryan?"

"Yes," said Summer.

"When?"

"Almost two hours ago.  But he sounded off.  I don't know—"

"He ran out of the house and he was very upset," explained Kirsten.

"Should I go find him?" asked Seth.

Kirsten shook her head.  "You need to sit and talk to your father," she said sternly.  "We all need to talk," she added, softening her voice.  She rubbed his arm with a weak smile.

"I can go," said Summer.

Sandy looked at her gratefully.  "Is your father expecting you?  It's getting late."

"No. He's not home.  I'll look for him."

"Check in with us," Kirsten instructed.

"I will."  Summer waved and exited the kitchen.  "I'll let myself out," she called.  "Go talk."

"You heard your girlfriend," said Kirsten to her husband and son.  "Go talk with each other.  Just give me a minute.  I'm going to try Ryan on his cell."

Kirsten dialed Ryan's number and listened to it as it rang. 

Ryan was staring at the dark water, which reflected the moon.  He heard his phone ring.  He only took it out after it rang a few times.  He squinted as he tried to make out the green numbers.  When he saw it was the Cohens, he sent the call to voicemail and put the phone back in his pocket.


	23. The Search

_Not nearly as long… But IMHO stopped at the perfect spot. Glad everyone is enjoying the story. The reviews have been overwhelming. I really need to buy a new thesaurus… Okay, Josh and Fox the OC and the line everyone will recognize from the finale do not belong to me. I'm just using some dramatic license._

Summer wasn't sure what had possessed her to go after Ryan. She didn't even like Ryan that much. Mostly, she tolerated him for Seth's sake. But when she saw that fraught look on Sandy's face when he had asked when she had talked to Ryan, she knew that a lot had happened that she was not privy to. Bad stuff. Maybe even worse than Seth hitting his own father. It was the wrong time for Seth to go looking for Ryan. He needed to work things out with his parents. So now Summer was her very own search party.

She took out her cell phone and dialed Marissa's number. She had no idea where she could find Ryan, but if Ryan and Marissa's relationship was half as strong as hers and Seth's, then she could suggest a few places for Summer to look. But Marissa's phone went directly to voice mail. She vaguely recalled that Marissa had some family obligation with Julie, Caitlyn and their grandmother. She had mentioned something at lunch after Summer had begged her to go to a movie. With both their boyfriends on restriction, it gave them a lot of time to have a girl's night out. She guessed, Julie had forced Marissa to turn her phone off.

Silently, Summer cursed Julie Cooper. She needed Marissa more than ever. But instead of dwelling too much time on Julie, she focused on Ryan. Where would a brooding Ryan run off too? He hadn't taken any of the cars, so it was doubtful that he was on the way back to Chino. She thought of calling the Cohens to see if his bike was still there, but it didn't make a difference. In this rain, he wouldn't get far on bike or by foot.

Seth sat across from his father. But he knew he wasn't in any more trouble than he had been earlier that day, because they were sitting knee to knee on the sofa in the family room. Seth knew that all the scolding and punishments were handed out in the kitchen. That's how it had always been. No, whatever was in store for him now was fatherly concern. Fatherly love. And Seth didn't know if he could handle it any better than the yelling and screaming. He didn't know that he could face his father without breaking down if Sandy showed him any compassion or forgiveness.

"There's still another NA meeting tonight," Sandy told him.

Seth nodded, but didn't say he would go.

"I can drag you there, but I'd rather you go of your own free will. It won't help your problem if you're forced to go and don't own up to it."

Seth tried to avert his gaze from Sandy, but his father gently pushed his face forward, forcing him to look into his eyes.

"Dad I—"

"Seth, are you using drugs?"

Seth nodded his head. He looked down at his feet. Too ashamed to admit the truth, but too afraid of not telling the truth. Earlier, when he had pushed his father it had revealed a side of him that he never wanted to see again. He closed his eyes. He knew he needed help. But he was frightened of what that help meant he would have to face. There was so much truth and ugliness inside of him and he just couldn't deal with that right away.

"How often do you use?"

Seth shrugged.

"Answer me Seth." Sandy's voice was firm but gentle.

"I've been smoking three or four joints a day."

"For how long?"

"I first started smoking about three months ago."

"But you weren't high on marijuana today."

Seth shook his head. "X. It was the first time I tried it though. I swear."

"I believe you."

Seth expelled a breath, relieved at what Sandy said. He knew Sandy had no reason to trust his word.

"Go wash your face, Seth. I'm going to grab my keys and we're going to head off to that NA meeting."

"I don't think I can do it, Dad."

"You don't have to talk. You can just sit and listen. You'll benefit from that too."

"Please Dad, don't make me," Seth begged, his voice cracking.

Sandy held onto both of Seth's knee and looked him straight in the eye. "You're a Cohen Seth. You've got your Nana in you. Her courage and her gumption. You've even got Caleb in you, God help us all. His cunning and doesn't take crap from anyone attitude. You definitely have lots of your mother in you and she's a fighter. There's even some of me. You **can** do this."

Seth shook his head, his curls flopping from side to side.

"You can Seth."

Kirsten stood in the doorway, phone in hand, listening to her son and husband talk. It felt like her heart was breaking into pieces.

"I can't stop. I – I need it," said Seth.

"You mean you want it."

"There's no difference, Dad. Not anymore."

"Seth," Sandy repeated. "All you have to do tonight is sit and listen to others talk about their drug addiction. You don't have to say anything. You don't have to promise me or your mother anything. All you have to do for us is sit." Sandy spoke slowly and deliberately as if he were talking to toddler.

Kirsten wanted to say something, but she didn't know what to say. She'd never seen her Seth like that. Even when the jocks were beating him up at school, he'd always been able to deal with it using humor. He'd crack self-deprecating jokes or even better he'd joke about the jocks who were bothering him. He called it the Seth Cohen retaliatory zinger. He'd never broken down in front of them. Maybe that was part of the problem. They always expected him to be so strong around them, never letting his true feelings show. But kids who went through what Seth went through bought guns and used them on their schoolmates.

"You can do it, Seth," Kirsten said quietly. "I know you can."

He swallowed hard, showing his adams apple.

"Your dad will sit right there next to you."

"Will you come too?" he asked, feeling small and ridiculous, but he really wanted his mommy.

_Oh God, he was ripping her heart out_, she thought. "Seth, someone has to stay here in case Ryan comes back."

"Wh- What happened with Ryan? Why'd he leave?"

"We'll talk about it another time," Sandy said quickly. "Right now, we need to focus on you."

"But –"

"Seth, we should get going," Sandy said. "Come on. We can talk about it in the car. Okay? Come. Let's go."

Sandy stood and to his great relief, Seth followed.

Summer dialed Ryan's number. She didn't expect him to answer, but he did.

"Thank God, Chino. Where are you? I've been looking all over for you."

"I'm fine Summer. Did you find Seth?"

So that was why he answered his phone. She had forgotten to call him to say Seth was all right. "I brought him home. He's with your parents."

"Is he okay?"

"He will be. I think he and your dad are talking. They were really worried about you, trying to decide if someone should go after you or stay with Seth. They didn't know what to do. Chino, tell me where you are."

Ryan hated when Summer called him Chino. He knew she did it without thought. It rolled off her tongue as easy as calling Seth Cohen or calling Marissa Coop. But he knew it had started so she could rub in where he came from.

"I'm fine Summer. I'd rather be alone."

"What's that noise behind you?" She strained to identify something in the background.

"Summer, I just need to be by myself."

"I don't know if it's such a good idea."

It sounded like water lapping onto the shore. _He was at the beach_, she thought. Her eyes searched the area around her. Newport was full of beaches. He could be anywhere! But he was probably close to home, because he didn't have more than a bike to get him around.

"Ryan, please just stay where you are. Don't do anything stupid."

"Too late for that Summer," and he shut off his phone.

Ms. Rothman and the baby were upstairs for all it made a difference, because Kirsten felt absolutely alone. She paced the kitchen back and forth, only stopping briefly to make sure the phone was working. No one was calling her, though she didn't expect to hear from Sandy and Seth for a while. But why was Summer not calling? Had she found Ryan? Did she have a clue as to where he was? Silently, Kirsten cursed herself for not taking Summer's cell phone number. She had tried Ryan three times, but he kept sending her call to voicemail.

She should have never let him run off like that. What if he didn't come home?

When the phone finally did ring, the shrill sounds caused Kirsten to flinch.

"Hello," she said into the phone. She sounded breathless as if she had run for the phone from the other side of the house.

"Kirsten, it's Summer. I think I know where Ryan is."

"You think?"

"I just spoke to him. He sounds okay. But he wouldn't tell me where he was."

"So?"

"I heard water in the background. He's on the beach somewhere. Did he take his bike?"

"No. No. I don't think so. I ran after him to give him his phone and the bike was still up against the house." She walked to the front door to make sure.

"I'll find him. I promise." Summer was silent for a minute. "How's Seth?"

"I'm sorry Summer. I should have told you right away. He and Sandy are at an NA meeting."

Summer closed her eyes. "That's great, Kirsten. You know, Seth is strong. He'll get through this."

"Yeah he is. I just wish he hadn't fallen this far. But we'll all help him back up."

"I'll be there for him. And Ryan too. I better go get him now."

Seth had pictured the NA meeting to be in a dark dank room in the basement of some church. And maybe there were NA meetings in such places, but not this one. The room was well lit with fluorescent lights and comfortable mesh chairs formed a circle two-rows deep. A card table was set up in the back, laden with donuts, croissants and cookies. There were also two urns and stacks of hot cups next to all the food. Most of the people were crowded around the table, casually talking to each other. Some were smiling, even laughing. And Seth wondered how they could be so easygoing with each other in such a place. How did they get back to that place where they could laugh and smile? It had been so long since he had really laughed.

"Dad, I can't do this," he said for the hundredth time that night. He started to leave, but Sandy grasped his shoulder and blocked his exit.

"Yes you can. You've gotten this far," Sandy whispered in his ear. "You'll just sit in the back and listen. No one is going to force you to talk."

"First time?" an unfamiliar voice asked.

Seth looked up with a smile that twitched. "Yeah."

"I walked in and out six times before I actually sat down at one of these meetings."

Seth nodded nervously.

"It's not so bad. You can just listen to people talk and hearing their stories was pretty amazing. Scared me off drugs pretty good. I'm six weeks clean," the man said proudly.

"That's great, man. Congratulations."

"It could be you in six weeks too. But only if you stay." He nodded his head to the circle, where people were starting to grab seats. "It's not so bad."

"Thanks."

"I told you so," Sandy said wiggling his brows. "All you have to do is listen."

"Okay. Okay," Seth said holding up his hands. "I'll go sit."

Summer started combing the beach near Holly's beach house. She barely remembered seeing Ryan at that party the summer before junior year, she was too drunk, but Seth assured her that she had invited Ryan after the charity fashion show. That party often came up in their conversation. Seth liked to remind them how Luke had tried to beat the crap out of them, and actually had accomplished just that. They all liked to laugh at how Ryan and Luke had ended up friends.

She tried to recall the events of that summer as she scoured the empty beach. She pulled her hood tight around her face. The rain was really starting to come down hard. He probably wasn't even on the beach anymore. Who in their right mind would sit on a wet beach in middle of a rainstorm?

But then she saw him. A long figure, sitting with his knees to his chest, his head bent low to protect his face from the wind and the rain. He was sitting close to the ocean, so water was lapping up against his legs. From a distance, she couldn't really be sure it was Ryan, but who else could it be?


	24. Found

_Yeah, I know it's short, but again, it was the perfect place to stop. Since I basically do nothing during these long hot summer days… I'll update soon enough. I hope everyone enjoys this chapter._

_And now that I saw that OC book from scholastic, I'm confused. Does the OC belong to Fox, Josh Schwartz or Warner Bros. or all three? In any case, I don't own it, and I'm just playing._

"Hey, Chino."

Summer walked up to the lone figure shining a flashlight in his face to make sure it really was Ryan. He held up a hand to protect his eyes from the light and squinted to put a face to the voice. Though no one else called him Chino.

"You found me."

She smoothed out her short skirt before sitting down, a poor fashion choice considering the weather, but she really hadn't taken the time to change before starting her search for Seth. "I'm persistent," she said, scrunching her face in disgust as the wet sand touched the back of her thighs.

"Like a dog."

She not so playfully punched him in his shoulders.

"Owe."

"Didn't Seth warn me about my rage blackouts?"

"He's mentioned it." He turned his eyes back to the water. "You should go home Summer. You'll get sick sitting out here in the rain."

"So will you. But I need to take you home. Kirsten is either sitting on top of the phone or right by the door waiting for you. Maybe both."

"I can't go back home Summer. They don't want me."

"Funny. That's not the impression I get. Listen, Ryan," Summer said, as water splashed onto her Jimmy Choo shoes. The first ones she could find when Ryan called. "Can we at least talk about this in the front seat of my car? It'll be dry in there."

"You can go. I'm staying here. Thanks for finding Seth. But you don't have to babysit me now that he's with his parents."

"They're your parents too."

He shook his head.

"What's that supposed to mean, Chino? What went down at the Cohens? Fill me in." She was starting to really get worried. She hadn't known what to expect when she set out to find Ryan, but this hadn't been what she had imagined. How would she get Ryan to open up? How would she get him back home?

Suddenly, Ryan felt an overwhelming need to share with someone. Living with the Cohens for over a year had dulled his ability to keep everything to himself. His months in therapy and Sandy's constant needling to share what was bothering him, made it harder for him to hold everything inside.

"Sandy almost hit me."

"What? The Cohens — Sandy would never—"

"Well apparently, I have that effect on adults." He spat out angrily. "Maybe it's something about my face, but people have always taken a keen pleasure in rearranging my nose."

"Ryan, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply that you're lying. It's, it's just hard to swallow. You know. The Cohens seem so perfect."

"Even Sandy gets angry."

"Tell me what happened. From beginning to end." She shuddered as a shiver ran down her spine. She wished the rain would subside or that Ryan would agree to find shelter.

He was so wet, that his shaggy hair was plastered down to his head and water was running down his face and off his nose. If he were crying, she wouldn't be able to tell the difference between the rain and the tears. His shirt and wifebeater clung to his chest so that she could see the outline of his firm abs and solid torso.

"Come on, Ryan," she repeated gently, "you can tell me what happened."

So Ryan did tell her. He recounted the whole story, from the moment he came down from the nursery until he ran out of the house and Kirsten ran after him. He told the story warily with his eyes cast down at the sand. Summer listened, not interrupting. Every so often, her mouth would drop open, but she immediately closed it as water fell in. When he finished, Summer instinctively threw her arms around his neck and cried, "Oh, Ryan."

"Just forget about it. Okay?"

"I can't. Sandy didn't mean it. He's out of his mind with worry. I saw him. It wasn't a man who tried to beat up some little kid."

He rolled his eyes. "Do I look little to you?"

"You know what I mean."

"Summer, you should go."

"I'm not leaving you. So unless you want me to catch pneumonia, you'll drag your ass back to my car."

"Summer," he whined.

"Come on, Chino." She stood up and yanked his arm. "I need something hot to warm me up."

"Summer, you're pulling my arm out of its socket."

"Well, if you would stand that wouldn't happen. You're not built like Cohen. When I pull him, I can usually get him up."

Ryan couldn't help but laugh. It felt good.

"Okay. I'll come. But I'm not going back."

"Fine. But I need to call Kirsten and tell her I found you. She's called like six times since we started talking. The phone's on vibrate," she added when she noticed his brows cocked in her direction.

Ryan followed Summer to her car, while she called Kirsten on the cell. He could tell that Kirsten wanted to talk to him, but when Summer pointed her chin at the phone, Ryan shook his head, so Summer simply told her, he wasn't ready to talk. Then she hung up. He appreciated that she didn't try to pressure him into doing something he didn't want to do.

"Dunkin Donuts?" she asked as they ducked into her father's silver BMW. She rubbed the tops of her arms.

"Put the keys in the ignition. We can turn on the heat," Ryan instructed.

"Chino, next time you have a meltdown, please don't do it in the rain."

"I'll make a note of that," he said, fiddling with the dials on the dashboard. "You know, Summer," he said, breaking a silence that had fallen over the car. "I see what Seth sees in you."

"What? My hot body? Must be my stellar hair," she said shaking out her wet mane.

Ryan grinned. "Well, that too. Especially the hair. But, no. Tonight was one of the worst nights of my life and I'm with you for five minutes and you almost made me forget."

"Almost? Then I didn't do much of a job."

"It was a pretty shitty night, Summer."

"Yeah. It was." She put on her seatbelt and put the car in drive. "We need chocolate and coffee."

"Summer, I can't go back to the Cohens tonight. I can't face Sandy or Kirsten or even Seth."

"You want to crash at my place? We have like fifty spare rooms."

"What about your dad and stepmom?"

"I doubt they would care or notice. Like I said, we have tons of extra rooms. And it's not like you'll be shacking up in my bed." She averted her eyes from the road and looked him up and down. "I'll find something of my dad's you can wear to bed. You can't sleep in that. Otherwise, you'll ruin the linen."

"Thanks."

"Don't thank me yet. You have to face my dad in the morning. He already doesn't like Seth, so I'm not sure how he'll react to another Cohen."

"I'll take my chances."

The few hours that Ryan was actually in bed, he slept fitfully. He tossed and turned in his room on the third floor, until the light started streaming in. His nose was running, which wasn't surprising since he had sat out in the rain for over two hours. His head felt stuffed, like he was swimming under water. He needed a hot shower and was relieved to see towels and a robe on the chair next to his bed.

Barefoot, he plodded into the shower and turned on the hot water, not even bothering with the cold to take the edge off. The room steamed up quickly, which helped clear up his stuffed head, but new if he had a full blown cold, it would only be a temporary solution.

The boiling water hit his back like little pinpricks. He bent his head under the stream and wished last night's scene would stop replaying itself over and over in his head, like a bad B movie. The more he thought about it, the less he knew what to do. He stood under the water, until his skin was red and wrinkled and he could stand it no more. He turned off the shower, toweled himself off and put on the clothes Summer had laid out for him. He needed coffee and hoped he wouldn't bump into Dr. Roberts or the stepmother.

He stopped by Summer's room, but she was already gone. Ryan suddenly remembered that it was a school day. He glanced at his watch. It was already second period. He didn't care. Let the school call home and find out why he was absent. At least he didn't have to worry about facing his probation officer anymore.

Ryan stopped in his tracks when he entered the kitchen. Kirsten was sitting at the counter sipping a mug of coffee with a woman he could only assume was Summer's stepmother. He turned to leave.

"Ryan, don't do that."

"Summer, shouldn't have called."

"I called her last night. She told me you were safe. That you were here. She called this morning and asked if she should wake you for school and I told her it wasn't necessary. That you probably needed a day off."

"I'm not going back, Kirsten." They both knew he wasn't talking about school.

"You certainly are young man."

Summer's stepmom quietly got up and left the room. It was just him and Kirsten.

"Sit down Ryan. Sit," she commanded again, when he hesitated.

He slipped into the chair furthest from her.

"Yesterday was plain awful," she started.

Ryan rolled his eyes. "I'm not Little Orphan Annie."

Kirsten smiled. It figured Ryan would know his musicals. "Anyway you cut it, yesterday was a bad day. But we've all had time to calm down and reflect."

"I'm not going back."

"And where do you think you're going to go?" she asked, raising her voice slightly, exasperated at his stubbornness. He wasn't giving her a chance to talk. To explain. To try and make it better.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I'll figure something out," he said and sneezed.

"You're seventeen-years-old. You belong at home. With your family. Even if they all screwed up and made things miserable. We're a family. We're allowed to make mistakes. You made one. I made one. Sandy made one."

"He doesn't want me there."

"He doesn't? I had to practically tie him to the bedpost to keep him from coming here in middle of the night and again this morning. He's miserable over what happened. He said things and did things in the heat of anger, Ryan. Finding out one of our sons is addicted to drugs is stressful enough, but then finding out that the other one knew and didn't say anything, well it's bound to send someone over the edge. We can work it out. Give us a chance."

He shook his head and sneezed again. This time he needed a tissue. He stood up and searched the room, but didn't see a tissue box or a napkin lying around that he could use. Kirsten was unexpectedly beside him, handing him a crumpled tissue that she had dug out of the bottom of her purse.

"That was a dumbass thing to sit out in the rain. Now you have a cold."

He wiped his nose and refused to look at her.

"You need to come home so we can get you into bed. We don't have to talk about anything until you're ready. If you want, I'll keep Sandy away from you for the time being. But you're coming home."

Stubbornly, he shook his head again. "I'd rather stay here."

"It's not an option. You had a one night pass."

"Kirsten, I can't."

"Yes you can, Ryan. I'm your mother, I know these things. Don't make me call Sandy. Because if we have to, we will carry you out of here."

"You wouldn't do that."

"Try me."

And he recognized that look in her eye that said don't mess with me, I'm the mom. It was a look that Seth joshed, "be afraid, very afraid." But there was truth behind every joke.

"I don't have to talk to Sandy."

"Not right away."

"Okay. I'll come home with you."


	25. bedrest

_Okay, this chapter isn't going to get any better, no matter how much I tinker with it.  Read.  Enjoy.  Review._

_Josh and the people at Fox –  it's only mine when I forget to take my medication._

            Kirsten sent Ryan straight to his room so that he could sleep off his cold, telling him she would be in with some cold medicine and tea in just a few minutes.  On his way to his room, he waved to Rosa who was vacuuming the family room and peeked into the nursery and watched Ms. Rothman change Christina's diaper.  He scurried into his room when he heard Sandy and Kirsten's voices coming up the stairs.

            "Sandy," Kirsten was saying, "Just leave him be for a little while longer.  He doesn't trust us right now.  Besides, he needs his rest."

            "Why?  What's wrong?" Sandy asked, worry creeping into his voice.

            "He sat in the rain for hours and caught a cold.  I want him to sleep it off and later on, we'll talk to him.  For now, you have to give him his space."

            "I gave him all night," Sandy said.

            He must have been starting for the bedroom door, because Kirsten raised her voice and said, "Sandy, no!  With every ounce of wifely authority that I have, I'm telling you not to go into that room."

            Ryan didn't hear anything more.  He undressed; folding the clothes Summer had lent him and setting it on his computer chair.  He would ask Rosa to wash it later so that he could return it to Summer.  He put on an undershirt and his sweats and climbed into bed.  If he totaled all the time to he slept the night before it would come to less than three hours.  It was no wonder he now had a cold.

            There was a light knock on his door and Kirsten opened the door a crack and asked,  "Are you decent.  Can I come in?"

            Ryan shrugged and Kirsten took it as a signal to enter.  She held a tray with a box of tissues, cold medicine, lozenges, bottled water, and a steaming cup of tea. 

            "I thought you could use this."

            "Thanks," he said, offering a weak smile.

            Lying in bed, with his red nose and red-rimmed eyes, Kirsten thought he looked boyish, much younger than his seventeen years.

            "I heard you ask Sandy not to come in.  Thank you."

            "I won't be able to keep him away for long.  Eventually, you're going to have to face him and talk this out."

            "Will you stay with me?"

            "If that's what you want, yes I will."

            Ryan turned his head, so he faced the wall.

            "You need your rest," Kirsten said, brushing his disheveled hair to the side so she could see his eyes.  "I'll let you do that.  If you need anything, all you have to do is ask."

            "Thanks Kirsten."

            She smiled again, but even Ryan could see that there was a tinge of sadness in it.  "Your welcome," she said, wishing in her heart that Ryan would call her Mom again.   She waved and left him alone.

            He drifted off into a deep sleep and only woke when he heard someone moving around in his room.  Ryan opened his eyes and turned over and watched Seth make himself comfortable in a chair.  He was reading a tattered copy of _Batman:  The Dark Knight Returns_.  Once Ryan read a book that was enough for him, and he wondered how Seth could keep rereading the same book over and over again.

            "Hope I didn't wake you," Seth said.

            Ryan shrugged.

            "So we both got to play hooky today."

            Ryan nodded.

            "I wasn't given the luxury of staying in bed all day.  I went to an NA meeting again," Seth offered, his voice dropping.  "And I had a session with Dr. Acobas.  He's okay.  A little bit of a dork, but I can identify."

            Ryan pushed himself into a sitting position, but didn't say anything.  He wasn't in the mood to make it easy for his brother.  Maybe it wasn't fair, but he had tried to help Seth over and over again, and instead Seth had been a jackass to him.  While he knew it was the drugs, Ryan wondered how much of it was buried feelings.

            "Yeah, so I get it, you don't want to talk.  You're still mad at me."  Seth wanted Ryan to deny it and was disappointed when Ryan gave him the silent treatment.  "Anyway, Mom told me to tell you that lunch will be ready soon.  That you should come down."

            "I'm not hungry," Ryan mumbled.

            "So he can talk!"  Seth withered from Ryan's glare.  "Okay, you're in no mood to joke.  But Mom's not going to buy the 'I'm not hungry' excuse.  Dad's at work, if that's what you're worried about."  Though Seth still wasn't sure what had happened the other night.  His dad had been pretty sketchy with the details.

            "I don't want to eat, Seth.  Just leave me alone."

            "Hey, you don't want Mom to come up here.  She's in full parental mode today.  Haven't seen her like this in months."  Seth waited a beat for Ryan's response.  "Okay.  But don't say I didn't warn you."  Seth stood and walked to the door.  He paused, hoping Ryan would call him back, say something, but his brother just sat in bed, staring at the wall.

            Five minutes later, Kirsten is at Ryan's door.  "Ryan, lunch is waiting."

            "I told Seth I wasn't hungry," he mumbled again.

            "You haven't eaten all day."

            "Please Kirsten," he begged.

            "You're not that sick, Ryan.  Come on.  Up and out of bed."  She entered the room and tugged at his covers.  "Enough wallowing in your own self-pity."

            "I'm not wallowing."

            "Seth said you said less than ten words to him."

            Ryan turns his head.

            "Are you mad at him too?"

            "God, most of this is his fault," Ryan cried out suddenly. 

            "So, you're just going to ignore him, instead of trying to work it out.  That's just great Ryan," Kirsten said, not trying to hide the sarcasm dripping from her voice. "Why don't you make his recovery that much easier by ignoring him."  Kirsten resisted the urge to shake the stubbornness out of Ryan.  It made her glad she missed his toddler years.  They had probably been a nightmare for Dawn.  "Right now, what we all need is to pull together as a family.  We need to support each other.  Think about that for a little while.  In the meanwhile, lunch is waiting," she says coldly.  "I'll be expecting you in the kitchen in five minutes."

            So Ryan got out of bed.  He decided not to get dress and simply stepped into his slippers.  He peaked into the nursery and saw the baby was up.  Christina was getting big.  She was nearly six months old and a definite personality was emerging.  She smiled a lot and gurgled and already stretched out her arms asking to be held.  She could tell the difference between Ryan, Seth, Sandy and Kirsten and had her preferences.  It always pleased Ryan when she was in someone else's arms and stretched out for him to hold her.

            "Can I?" he asked Ms. Rothman, holding out his own hand.

            "Your mother told me you had a cold."

            "I'm getting better."

            "Babies are very susceptible to germs.  You wouldn't want to get her sick."

            "No.  No.  I wouldn't."

            Ms. Rothman saw the crestfallen expression on his face and said, "You know, I actually have something for such an occasion.  You may feel silly, but if you're willing…."

            "What?" Ryan asked eagerly.  He had an overwhelming urge to hold the baby in his arms, as if she could make everything better. 

            Ms. Rothman handed him a bottle of hand sanitizer and told him to rub it in his hands.  Then she walked over to the baby's dresser and pulls out something green. 

            "It's a surgical mask.  If you wear it, I think it would be okay to hold the baby."

            Ryan cocked his head and raised his brows, but the look was lost on the nanny.  Reluctantly, Ryan took the mask, because he really wanted to hold his sister.  As he tied it around the back of his head, he thought how nice it had been without a nanny to micromanage everything.  But he knew Kirsten needed the break.  He took the baby in the crook of his arms and tried to make her laugh, until he realized the mask covered half of his face.  So instead he danced around humming one of Seth's favorite _Bright Eyes_ songs.

            He heard Kirsten calling his name from the bottom of the stairs.  Seth was right; she was in full parental mode.  He should have realized that from his morning's encounter, but his nap had dulled the memory.

            "I better go," Ryan said.  He halfheartedly handed the baby over to Ms. Rothman and untied the mask, leaving it on the changing table.  He waved good-bye to Christina and trudged down the steps.

            Seth was already seated at the kitchen table, poking the food around his plate.

            "Did Kirsten cook?" Ryan asked, sitting across from Seth, pointing at the uneaten food with his chin.  It obviously wasn't takeout.

            Seth's lips stretched into a smile.

            "So you'll talk to him to make fun of me?  Thank you very much.  You know, I'm going to surprise you one day and take cooking lessons and I will make you eat my food."

            "And one day pigs will fly, Mom," answered Seth.

            She threw a napkin at him, and sat down in her usual seat.  "Rosa cooked," she said for Ryan's benefits.  "Eat up."

            Ryan reached for the breadbasket and suddenly noticed a fourth place set at the table.  "Is Rosa eating with us today?  Or Ms. Rothman?"

            Seth furrowed his brows at Ryan, wondering why he would ask such a strange question. 

Kirsten ignored the question.  Instead she asked,  "What took you so long to come down?  You didn't even change."

"I went to hold the baby.  Ms. Rothman made me wear a mask," he added hurriedly, thinking Kirsten might be upset if she thought he'd jeopardized the baby's health.

Seth was sipping his soda as Ryan spoke.  The image of Ryan wearing a surgical mask to hold the baby made him laugh so hard, he sprayed soda from his nose. 

"It's not that funny, man."

"Sorry," Seth said, wiping up his mess.  "But that's pretty out there."

"Ryan has a cold.  You wouldn't want him to get Christina sick.  A baby's immune system is fragile."

Kirsten's declaration made Seth laugh harder.  And while Ryan didn't like that he was laughing at his expense, he realized that it had been a long time since Seth had laughed.

"What's so funny?"  Sandy walked into the kitchen and put his briefcase on the counter.  He took a long step to Kirsten and planted a kiss on the top of her head.

Ryan's stomach clutched.  He didn't want to be near Sandy.  He stood up while his adoptive father started asking Seth about his therapy session and hoped he could just surreptitiously sneak out of the kitchen.  But Kirsten noticed.

"Ryan, sit down and finish eating."

            "I'm full."

            "Bull.  If you don't want to eat, fine, but don't leave just because Sandy walked in.  Eventually the two of you are going to have to work this out.  You can't avoid each other forever.  You live here."

            Everything Kirsten had done and said that day made Ryan believe he wasn't going to be thrown out on his ears.  Yet he still had a hard time believing that he could screw up so badly and they'd still want to keep him around.

Sandy looked up from his conversation with Seth, the hurt evident in his eyes.  He hadn't planned on going to the office, until Kirsten pushed him out of the house, because he was driving her crazy.  But she had called him, saying that Rosa was cooking lunch and that he should come home to make it a family meal.  But to see that Ryan wanted to run from him the minute he walked in the door made Sandy realized how much damage he had caused to their relationship in a matter of moments. 

"Maybe we should talk now, Ryan."

"It's fine.  We don't need to talk.  I just want to go rest again."

"Ryan, come on."  Sandy approached his son and reached out to put a hand on his shoulder, but Ryan shrank away.  "Please, let's talk."

"It's fine, Sandy.  You didn't actually hit me.  You stopped yourself."

"You did what?" spluttered Seth.  His dad had told him that he had messed up when talking to Ryan and had hurt him in a way Sandy never thought he could.  But Seth had never imagined that his father would raise a hand to Ryan.  He hadn't raised a hand to Seth since he'd been six-years-old and they all knew how irritating he could be.   "Dad, how could you do that?"

"Seth, stay out of this."

"No.  All this is because of me.  I know you're angry with Ryan, because he didn't tell you that I was using, but he was just doing what he thought was best.  I didn't make it easy for him, either.  You can't blame him."

"We don't blame him, Seth," Kirsten said.

"Then why would you hit Ryan?"

"He didn't hit me, Seth," and Ryan ran out of the room.

Sandy let out an exasperated breath and ran after him.  "Don't you dare try and leave this house again, Ryan," Sandy called when he saw Ryan was inches from the front door.  "You're going to stay here and work this out.  Why is it that you're always running?  We're not your first family.  We don't do things the same way.  When will you learn that we're not Dawn and Roger and Trey?  We're an entirely different breed."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ryan yelled, suddenly protective of his dead mother and the brother and father who were in jail.  "What do you know about my family?"

"It means that we talk.  But every time we try to talk, you run."

"Talk?" Ryan snorted.  "I don't want to hear you talk.  I don't want to hear how disappointed you are in me.  How I threw everything you gave me in your face. How I ruined your precious son.  We did enough talking yesterday."

Ryan started for the door again, even though he was still wearing pajamas.  Maybe he would go and find Marissa or even Summer.  He'd go on the beach again as long as he didn't have to talk to Sandy.  But Sandy was quick.  Ryan should have remembered that from the night before.  He'd been able to cut off a pumped up Seth.  Sandy blocked the front door.  Ryan tried to maneuver around him, but instead Sandy enveloped Ryan in a bear hug.

Ryan struggled.  He accepted the bits of affection offered by Kirsten, when she brushed his hair out of his face and kissed the top of his forehead.  He didn't even think she would stop if she asked him to, so he didn't bother, besides, he didn't want to her feelings.  But he and Sandy just smiled at each other and shook hands.  They had never traded gestures of affection.  Ryan didn't want his hug and he tried to break free, but Sandy wasn't letting go, so Ryan stopped fighting.  But he didn't let himself get taken into the hug.  He just froze in place as if a statue. 

Finally Sandy let go and there were tears in his eyes and he whispered, "I love you Ryan.  I didn't mean to say that or to raise my hand at you.  I wish I could take it back, control my anger.  All I can promise is that I won't do that again."

"Dawn used to say that all the time," Ryan said coldly and walked away from Sandy.  He didn't try to leave the house; Sandy would just block his way again.  Instead he just walked upstairs and went back up to his room.

Seth whistled softly.  His mother had tried to avoid filling him in on the details, but he had needled her enough so that she finally succumbed and filled in some of Sandy's gaps from the night before.  She wouldn't repeat the exact words that Sandy had said to Ryan, but intimated that they had been very hurtful.  And she said when Ryan had done the usual and shut down, refusing to answer, Sandy had gotten even more frustrated and raised a hand at him.

"No wonder he's so pissed at me," Seth said.  "If it weren't for me, none of this wouldn't have happened."

"Don't make this about yourself, Seth," Kirsten warned.

"That's not what I mean.  But he wouldn't talk to me today and this is why.  It's all my fault."

Kirsten couldn't argue, because she knew that was how Ryan felt.  He had said the very same thing less than an hour before up in his room.  But somehow, she was determined to bring her family back together.  It couldn't go on like this forever.  She wouldn't let it. 


	26. Back to School

_Thanks for the all great reviews. I really appreciate it. As usual, the same disclaimers apply._

* * *

"Maybe we should just ditch," suggested Ryan, at school the next day. He inhaled deeply, taking in the aroma of his coffee. He had bought one at the student union because he had avoided the rest of the family in the kitchen and had gone straight for his bicycle, refusing a ride from Sandy.

Seth glanced sideways at his brother; surprised that Ryan was even talking to him. Though he wasn't surprised that Ryan knew what he was feeling.

"Which do you think would be worse, facing Mom and Dad or my probation officer when the school calls to see why we're not in class again?"

"Oh. Yeah." Ryan remembered those days, of constantly being on edge, watching his every step. It was strange that Seth was now in his shoes.

"Seth!" Summer ran up to hug her boyfriend, going past Ryan in a blur, nearly spilling his coffee. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him hard on the lips. It took Seth a moment to recover from his surprise and to start kissing back.

Ryan was grateful to Marissa who came up and linked her arm in his. "You look like hell," she said.

"I have a cold," answered Ryan. "Otherwise," he nodded his head towards Seth and Summer, "I'd give you some of that."

Marissa laughed and watched for a moment. "Don't they need some air?" Shaking her head in wonder, she loudly said, "Get a room."

Summer pulled away, clearly not embarrassed, and rather annoyed at the interruption. "We're not stopping you," she said. "Go ahead." She waved a hand at them. "Get your mack on."

"We prefer the privacy of a room," Marissa explained finding it difficult to suppress her smile.

Summer rolled her eyes. "The privacy of a pool house with three glass walls?"

Marissa glowered, but Ryan could tell she was more amused than annoyed.

But Seth and Summer stopped kissing and Summer asked her boyfriend how he was feeling and how his NA meeting had gone. Seth answered her questions, but looked down at the ground, concentrating intensely on making circles with his big toe.

Hoping to save Seth from the uncomfortable questions, Ryan held out the shopping bag he'd been holding. "Um, Summer, here. And uh thanks for the other night. These are your dad's clothes. Rosa washed them."

"Oh. Thanks. You could've kept them. Daddy wouldn't have noticed they're gone."

"It's not like they fit very well," Ryan explained. "Anyway, I really appreciate you letting me crash at your place the other night."

"Sorry I couldn't stop Kirsten from coming over." She hugged Seth to her side, trying to assess if Ryan was angry with her or not. She hadn't talked to either Ryan or Seth since the night from hell. By the time she had come home from school, Ryan had been gone and though she had picked up the phone over twenty times, she hung up before she finished dialing. She knew the Cohens would need their time together.

Ryan shrugged. "It's okay. Kirsten was like a steamroller yesterday. You didn't want to get in her way."

The bell rang, signaling the start of homeroom, and reluctantly the four teens separated to their respective homerooms. Ryan squeezed into his desk and promptly put his head down. He still had his cold, though it was a lot better than yesterday, his head felt stuffed and everything sounded like it was miles away. If he had let on to Kirsten how he was really feeling, she would have insisted that he go straight back to bed. It wasn't such a bad idea, but he knew if he stayed home Sandy would stay home too. Sandy would try to talk. And he didn't know how long he could ignore Sandy until everything blew up in his face.

"Atwood."

Ryan didn't answer. He weakly raised his hand to show he was present.

"Atwood-Cohen." A book slammed down right near his ear, making Ryan jump. Mr. Tolliver took one look at him and said, "You look like sh— crap," the teacher corrected himself. "Go to the nurse."

"I'm fine," Ryan said, putting his head back down.

"Well, you're not staying in my class like that. Why are you in school if you're sick?"

"I'm fine. I'm not sick."

"Then pick up your head." Ryan tried to comply, but he could only keep it up by using a hand to prop up his head. He hadn't felt so crummy fifteen minutes before. "You're not sitting in my class like this. Go. To. The. Nurse," seethed the teacher.

"I don't need to go to the nurse. She can't do anything anyway."

"She can call your parents to come pick you up. Go to the nurse," repeated Tolliver. He didn't understand why this was such a big deal. Most students would jump at the chance to go home and take a day's vacation.

Ryan glared at the teacher. "I am so sick and tired of everyone telling me what to do. I just want to sit here and listen to the morning announcements. Just leave me alone. Please," he added for good measure.

Some teachers would have let it go, but not Tolliver. The teacher narrowed his eyes in such a way that it worried Seth, who was sitting next to Ryan. It was a bad idea to tussle with Tolliver. Students never won.

"Your choice Atwood. The nurse or Dr. Kim. Either way, I'm calling your parents for a conference."

Seth's eyes raced back and forth from Mr. Tolliver to Ryan.

"Hey, Ryan. Come on, go to the nurse. I'll take you."

"If I wanted to go to the nurse, I could go myself."

"Then let's take a walk," Seth said anxiously, eyeing the teacher. "Come on."

Ryan relented and let Seth lead him out of the room. "You didn't have to do that," he said when they were in the empty corridor.

"Yes I did. One more minute and you and Tolliver would have come to blows. What's the big deal? Go home. You do look like shit."

Ryan leaned against a row of lockers. The metal felt cool against his burning head. "Sandy will come home if I'm sick."

"You came to school to hide from Dad? Jeez, you really want to avoid him that badly?"

"I was avoiding you too, if you hadn't noticed."

"No one stays mad at me for long."

"No. I'm still pissed at you, but at least you're trying, you know, to get your life together. How are you doing?"

Seth shrugged. Surprised that Ryan would think to ask him. "Right now, after watching that little confrontation with Tolliver, I want a joint. You got me nervous there. But I'm dealing."

"Maybe you should start smoking cigarettes." Ryan was still leaning against the lockers, with his eyes closed. "It always calms my nerves."

Seth didn't miss that Ryan used the present tense, but let it slide with a coy smile. "Yeah. Right. And when Mom starts smelling the smoke and nicotine on my clothes I'll make sure to tell her it was your idea. I'll tell her it was your smokes too."

Ryan laughed, opening his eyes for a brief moment. He didn't have a chance to answer because the bell rang, signaling the end of homeroom and the halls started to fill with students.

"So what's it going to be?" Seth asked, moving out of the way of students jostling their way to first period. "You going to the nurse or going on to your next class?"

"Class. I don't have Tolliver again until PM homeroom. I'll deal with him then."

"You sure? You look—"

"Yeah. Yeah. I know. I look like shit. I heard you. I'm fine."

"Okay. But you know—" Seth stopped. "Okay, go to class. I'll see you later."

Ryan dragged himself from class to class. He didn't pay much attention, but tried to stay alert enough to answer the teachers if they asked him something. But most of the teachers saw his puffy red nose, watery eyes, and the wad of crumpled tissues he kept at his side and left him alone. But just as Ryan was entering his math class, he noticed Mitch Weider heading into the bathroom. Ryan glanced down at his schedule and realized it was Seth's lunch period.

He glanced into the classroom and back to the door where Mitch had just ducked in and knew he had to make sure Mitch didn't go near his brother. Seth was keeping it together, but he didn't know if Seth could do it, if Mitch was around to push more drugs. Ryan told his teacher he was going to the nurse and held up his wad of tissues as proof. The teacher nodded his head and told him to feel better. He left the classroom and looked both ways before ducking into the restroom, hoping he hadn't missed Mitch. He hadn't. Mitch was standing by the sink, his hands under the soap dispenser.

"Hey, Ryan. You okay? You look…"

"How was jail?" Ryan asked cutting Mitch off, promising himself he'd hit the next person who commented on how he looked.

"It was an experience. But you would know, wouldn't you?"

Ryan wanted to wipe little bastard's red freckles off of his face, but he kept his clenched fists deep in his pockets. "That's why I tried to keep my brother out of trouble. Tell me Weider, why did you keep pushing drugs on Seth? Why give him free samples? What do you get out of it?"

Mitch shrugged. "I don't know what you're talking about." He talked to Ryan through the mirror above the sink.

"I'm not wired. The room's not bugged," Ryan said rolling his eyes. "You can talk. Tell me the truth."

Mitch finished washing his hands and slowly turned, leaning his backside against the sink. He eyed Ryan as if assessing how much he could tell him. "It's no fun to do drugs on my own. I wanted company. But I couldn't get Seth to graduate to the hard stuff. Most people get bored of marijuana pretty fast and look for something edgier. You would know. Wouldn't you?"

"No."

"No?" Mitch said with an easy shrug. Surprised that the boy from Chino was denying drug use. "But I'm sure you knew someone in Chino who did drugs. Didn't your brother have drugs on him when the two of you were arrested?"

"Where did you hear all of this stuff?" He couldn't imagine that Seth would have told Mitch all of this and betrayed Ryan's trust, but who knew what Seth had done while he was high. He had done pretty asinine stuff – stuff that had landed him in jail and on probation.

"Oh, word gets around. Newport's a small town."

"This isn't about me, Mitch. This is about you staying away from Seth. He's trying to pull his life together. If you want to keep doing drugs… fine do it. I don't give a damn. But don't drag down my brother with you.'

"Seth's a big boy. He can make his own decisions."

"Yes he can. And why don't we make it easier for him to keep the decision he has made." Ryan took a step towards the other boy. Mitch didn't blink. "I swear if you mess with Seth, I will mess with you so badly. Consider that little beating I gave you at that dinner party just a taste of what I can do."

"What are you going to do Ryan? Call all of your Chino friends and have them beat me up?"

"If I have to, I will. I will do anything to protect my brother."

Ryan turned on his heels and walked out of the restroom. Not sure what he should do next, he headed out to the quad hoping to find Seth and keep him company. He stopped when he heard a familiar voice calling his name behind him. He whirled around to find Seth behind him.

"Next time you threaten someone in the bathroom, you might want to check and see if the stalls are empty."

Ryan tilted his head sideways and raised his brows.

"Don't give me that look. Don't try to play innocent," Seth seethed, walking forward, until he was inches from his brother.

"You were there?"

His usually mild expression was gone, replaced by pure anger. Ryan walked backwards, until he was backed up against a row of lockers, trying to create space between him and Seth.

"I was trying to do my business in private," explained Seth, "But you interrupted."

"You're still hanging around with Mitch?" Ryan exclaimed, trying to keep his voice down.

"Yeah. Why shouldn't I?"

"Maybe because he's the one who started your problem."

"You know better than that, Ryan." He was angry. He just wanted Ryan to stop meddling in his life and looking out for him when he could take care of himself. "You've watched enough TV, read the literature. I'm the one responsible for my own decisions. No one forced me to take drugs. I can keep my old friends."

"Maybe, if my mother had started over in a new place, maybe then she would have had a chance one of the couple of dozen times she tried to give the stuff up. So, despite the literature, yeah, I do believe you're going to have to change the people you hang with."

"That's why, when she came to Newport that first summer you came to live with us, she was able to keep off the alcohol for what? It was like ten whole minutes?"

"Watch it Seth," Ryan said through clenched teeth. "I won't stay nice forever."

"You know, you've got to give up this whole save the brother routine," Seth said leaning into Ryan. "I'm going to live my own life and I'm going to figure out this whole recovery thing on my own."

"Mitch Weider is bad news."

"Maybe. But he's my bad news. You can't do this for me. I got hooked on my own and I have to get unhooked on my own."

"No," Ryan said shaking his head. "You need your family and friends to help you through this."

"Not the way you're doing it, Ryan. What I need is space. Let me do things my way."

"No."

Seth laughed. It was a hollow laugh, and sounded like the cackling of a madman, frightening Ryan. "You won't even talk to Dad. You're running so scared of him that you came to school to hide out, even though you're sick like a dog. Don't talk to me about needing family. You've never given our family a real chance. You walk the walk. You talk the talk, but deep down, that adoption was nothing but a farce, because you don't believe that Mom and Dad can really be your parents."

Ryan was mute as if Seth had slapped him.

"Nothing to say?" spat Seth.

"I- I -It's not true," Ryan faltered.

"No?"

"No," Ryan said adamantly, pulling himself together.

"I don't believe you. But I'm sure when Dr. Acobas calls us all together, we can work it through in family therapy. That is if you come." Seth turned, disgust still all over his face, and walked away.

For a minute, Ryan didn't know what to do. Should he call after Seth? But what could he tell him that would make him feel better? Deep down, Ryan knew there was truth to what Seth was saying. He slammed the back of his head against the lockers, immediately regretted it, because it sent pain through head. He realized the bell was going to ring soon, and he was still in front of his classroom. He had no choice but to go to the nurse.

Ms. Johnson was nice. All the kids at Harbor liked her, though often, there wasn't much she could do for the students. When Ryan walked into her office, she immediately offered to call his parents, but Ryan refused, asking if he could just lie down until the end of the day. Smiling, her sweet smile, she said yes and left Ryan alone until the last bell of the day.

He rolled off the uncomfortable cot, thanked the nurse and headed to the parking lot where his bike was chained. Mentally, he checked off a list of things to do. He'd call Marissa later and tell her where he had been during lunch. Start on his homework, try and catch up on —

Ryan stopped at the bicycle rack. His bike wasn't there. The chain lay on the floor, cut clean threw. Who would want to steal his ratty old bike? He looked up and down the rack. Every one of those bikes was nicer than his.

"Looking for your bike?"

Ryan turned. It was Sandy.

"It's in the trunk of my car."

"Why did you cut the chain?"

"I couldn't find the key," Sandy said with a shrug. "If I waited for you to come out and open up the chain, I knew you'd run away. But we need to talk. I'm tired of you avoiding me."

Ryan crossed his arms against his chest. He thought about walking, but he didn't have the energy. Besides, Sandy would just be waiting for him at home.

"What about Seth?" he asked.

"I'm sure Summer will take him home. Come on, let's go."

Ryan reluctantly followed.


	27. Reconciling

Sorry it's been so long since I updated. It's been hectic here. I was away for three days, but the memory is slowly dimming as the family deals with Grandma's broken hip. I think by the end of this ordeal, I'll need some of Rommie's meds.

* * *

Ryan noticed right away that they weren't driving towards the house. He wondered what Sandy was up to, but refused to be the first one to speak. If back at the parking lot he had had enough wits about him to figure out a way around Sandy, he would have taken it. The last place he wanted to be was in a car alone with his adoptive father.

Every time Ryan thought about that night, he knew that Sandy hadn't meant to raise his hand and he knew that such a scene would probably never repeat itself, but what Ryan couldn't get past were the angry words Sandy had spat out. _This is how you repay us for everything we've done for you?_ The words hadn't stopped echoing in his mind since Sandy had said them. Ryan had always tried to earn his keep when he had first arrived at the Cohen house, and while he still had a hard time truly believing that Sandy and Kirsten were his parents, he had thought that at the very least he didn't owe them anything but love and respect and to do the best that he could in everything.

He pressed his forehead against the cool window and closed his eyes. But when the car lurched to the side and came to a stop, Ryan quickly opened them. They were on the shoulder of the freeway. Sandy was putting the car in park, unfastening his seatbelt, and turning so he could face Ryan.

Ryan bit the inside of his cheek to keep from asking questions. He was not going to be the first one to talk, he reminded himself. He wouldn't. But he couldn't help from shrinking back against the door when Sandy's deep brown eyes looked piercingly at his. Why was Sandy insistent on doing this in middle of nowhere?

"Okay, Ryan, we need to talk."

"Here?" Ryan's eyes darted around, taking in his surrounding.

"I figured you wouldn't run out on me in middle of the freeway. Frankly, I was worried I would have to physically carry you into the car and someone from the school would call child services on me."

"What do you want to talk about?" Ryan asked, deliberately ignoring the comment. He highly doubted that Sandy would have dragged him into the car kicking and screaming, but from the look on Sandy's face, he wasn't so sure.

Sandy sighed. "What do you think Ryan? We have to talk about what I did the other night and how we can go on from there."

He took a deep breath and looked straight at Ryan. In so many ways Ryan was old. But sometimes, when Sandy looked into Ryan's bottomless ocean blue eyes, he saw the child that was buried way inside and was dying to come out. He and Kirsten had hoped to at least give Ryan that — a few years to be a child, before he really had to become an adult. But he knew that they — he had failed him.

"I know what I did was unforgivable, but I need you to try and find a way to forgive me, or – or to at least look me in the face."

"Like I said, you didn't hit me. It's okay."

"If it's really okay, then why won't you stay in the room with me for more than two minutes?"

Ryan looked down and studied the car, running his fingers up and down the soft leather interior.

"Please look at me Ryan."

Sandy's voice sounded so earnest, nothing like Ryan had ever heard before and something in the voice made him comply. He picked up his chin and looked Sandy in the eye. Sandy was relieved when he saw his son listening to him. Maybe they could get somewhere.

"It's not what you did, Sandy. We all know that I use my hands when I'm angry. I can understand that you hit me. Or rather would hit me," he quickly corrected when he saw Sandy begin to protest. "But it's not what you did, it's what you said."

For a minute, Sandy looked bewildered. There had been so many emotions rushing through him that night. He worked hard, flipping through his memories like a Rolodex, trying to come up with the words that had hurt Ryan so much that he refused to talk to him. And then it came rushing back.

_This is how you repay us for everything we've done for you? _

"They were just words, Ryan." But it sounded hollow even to Sandy.

"Anger or not, there was truth to it."

Sandy sank back in his seat. "Kirsten and I don't expect anything from you. No more than the expectations we have of Seth. We expect you to be happy and to do the best that you can. The truth is, that you did wrong Ryan. Seth had a problem and it needed our intervention. We were too blind to see it, but you should have come to us if you saw it."

"I know."

Sandy nodded, glad that Ryan accepted his culpability. "So, yes, you let us down. Being part of a family means that we all look out for each other. And you didn't do your part. But it's over and we can get past it. What I said… it came out twisted and wrong because of the anger."

Sandy could easily read the inner conflict, which was plainly written all over Ryan's face and in his body language. Ryan was angry with his adoptive father, but Sandy's words had taken their desired effect. He could see Ryan struggling to maintain his anger despite Sandy's words.

Sandy pressed on. "Ryan, I can't take back what I said. I can't take back what I did. But if we don't keep on living and communicating, then we can never rebuild our relationship. I can't earn your trust again."

Ryan nodded once. "Okay."

And Sandy sighed with relief.

"You'll stop running away from me?"

"Yeah."

"Good." Sandy faced forward. "Maybe we can go get a Balboa bar or," he stole a sideways glance at Ryan, "maybe we should get you back to bed. You don't look very good."

Ryan remembered the promise to himself that he would hit the next person who commented on the way he looked, and decided it wouldn't help rebuild the trust that Sandy was talking about.

"So, you're going to tell me why Kirsten and I have to come down to school and conference with your homeroom teacher tomorrow?"

"He called? Oh, shit," Ryan muttered. "I mean, shoot," he amended quickly.

Sandy laughed. "You meant shit."

"Yeah, I meant shit," Ryan said wryly. "Um, so I guess you want an explanation."

"I'd like to know what I'm in for."

So Ryan told him about that morning. He expected Sandy to chastise him for contradicting a teacher, or for not picking his battles. The whole incident had been stupid and blown out of proportion. Ryan knew that he had overreacted. He didn't expect Sandy to laugh.

"You're not angry?"

"Oh, Ryan," Sandy said through his laughter, "There's been way too much anger these past few days." He was laughing so hard, tears started to run down his face.

"It's not that funny," Ryan said. "Mr. Tolliver was really pissed."

"I'm sure he was. We'll take care of it tomorrow." Sandy reached out and squeezed Ryan's knee. "Should we go home?"

"Yeah."

"Then buckle up."

Sandy pulled back onto the freeway and for a few minutes they drove in a comfortable silence. Ryan stared at the road and replayed the day's events in his head. He thought about what Sandy had said, that it had been his responsibility to the family to tell Sandy and Kirsten about Seth's problem. He thought how Seth was still hanging out with Mitch which no doubt would impede his recovery and Ryan knew what he had to do.

"Seth's still hanging out with Mitch," he said.

Sandy took his eyes off the road and stared at Ryan. "I know that I asked Seth to stay away from Mitch, but I didn't think that it would really work. I mean, forbid a teenager to do something and most likely they'll do the opposite."

Only then did Ryan realize that Sandy didn't know who Mitch really was.

"Sandy, Mitch is the one who started Seth on drugs."

Sandy clutched the steering wheel with both hands and kept his eyes focused on the road. "What do you mean?"

So Ryan started to tell him everything he knew, knowing that he was bound to get Sandy angry at him all over again, when he realized how long he knew about Seth's problem and that not once did he approach Sandy or Kirsten with what was happening.

"A few months ago, Seth called me to come pick him up. He was at Mitch's place and he was high. He told me it was the first time he had used. Then the night of the dinner party, I walked into his room and Seth was smoking pot." Ryan hesitated. "I asked him where he got it, but he wouldn't say. I thought it was Mitch. Then you walked in." Ryan took a deep breath. "Later, Mitch admitted it to me at the dinner party."

Sandy suddenly braked. Once again, he pulled the car onto the shoulder. "Mitch admitted it to you. At the dinner party? Right before you slugged him?" asked Sandy.

"Yeah. I mean yes." Ryan hadn't meant to bring things back to that. He didn't need to remind Sandy of the trouble he had caused.

"Is that why you hit him?"

"He goaded me," Ryan admitted. _You never did any drugs with your first mommy?_ He wouldn't tell Sandy about that. "Mitch is bad news. You've got to trust me on that. And no matter how sincere Seth is about giving up the drugs, with Mitch around it's going to be that much harder." He then told Sandy about his confrontation with Mitch that afternoon.

"I know that was hard for you. But I'm glad you told me."

Ryan hated how everything was suddenly tense and serious. The proud look in Sandy's eyes was almost too much to bear. He had done what Sandy had wanted him to do, turned to him for help. But he didn't want to make a big deal about it. He just wanted to let the moment pass.

"So, am I still grounded?" Ryan asked, hoping to lighten the mood.

"What?" Sandy asked, as if being shaken out of a reverie.

"Well, I was grounded until I told you about what happened at the dinner party."

"Oh God. I'd forgotten about that."

And for the second time that afternoon Sandy laughed until tears ran down his cheeks.

Seth sat at the kitchen table playing with his half-eaten sandwich. He'd been hungry when he had come home from school, but after only a couple of bites, he'd lost his appetite. The sandwich had been his mother's idea. He had been content with grabbing a couple of cookies, but Kirsten had insisted that she could assemble a sandwich for him, a much healthier alternative to cookies. It had made his mother happy to coddle him, and Seth liked seeing his mother happy again.

"Where's Dad?" Seth asked, leaning forward. "He's supposed to take me to a meeting today." After confronting Ryan earlier that day, Seth was desperate for a meeting. If he still had drugs in his room, he would definitely use them. He was also desperate not to run into Ryan again, but knew that would probably be impossible. Unless he camped out in the pool house, but Sandy and Kirsten would never allow that.

"He'll be home soon. He picked Ryan up from school so that they could talk."

"Did he forget about my meeting?"

"I'm sure he didn't, sweetie. It's just that he couldn't let this thing with Ryan continue."

Seth sighed and collapsed back in his chair. It seemed that whenever he needed his dad, Ryan needed him too. And he told Kirsten what he felt. That's what Dr. Acobas had suggested at his session the other day.

"Don't bottle things inside. If something's bothering you, tell your parents, bring it out in the open so you can work it all out."

Kirsten titled her head and thoughtfully looked at her son as he told her that it seemed like whenever he needed one of them, they were either with Ryan or Hope. She thought it was odd that her seventeen-year-old was having a severe case of sibling jealousy. She hadn't bothered to read up on it, because she never imagined it would be a problem. Definitely not with the baby. What seventeen-year-old was jealous of a baby? And why should he be jealous of Ryan. The two were always so close and hadn't it been Seth's idea to bring Ryan into their family. Sandy had brought him home for the weekend, but if it weren't for Seth, Ryan would be locked up or in a foster home, a group home or worse Juvie. But he was jealous. And he was right.

Seth was the one struggling to kick a drug addiction and suddenly the focus had turned on Ryan. Ryan had a cold. Ryan was hurting, because they had overreacted to his poor judgment. Ryan wasn't adjusting to being part of the family as easily as they had hoped. Right now, Seth needed his parents every bit as much as Ryan if not more. So Kirsten pulled out the chair beside Seth and sat down next to him and pulled Seth's head down onto her chest, just like she used to do when he was a little boy. He used to resist then and he resisted now, but she held tight and soon he relaxed and let his mother hug him.

"If Dad doesn't come back in time, then I'll take you, but I know he didn't forget. He loves you."

As if to prove her words, Sandy walked in at just that moment with Ryan trailing behind. The two looked like they had been through the wars and Kirsten wanted to make sure that Ryan was all right, but Seth needed to know that she was there for him, so she didn't move. But when Seth saw his brother, he wriggled from his mother's grasp and sat up. Sandy was already pulling out a chair across from them with a serious look on his face.

"Ryan," Kirsten called without getting up from the table. She held Seth's hand firmly in hers. "You look awful. That cold isn't getting better. Go up to bed and I'll be up in a little while." Kirsten sensed that she and Sandy needed some alone time with Seth. She could tell from her husband's knitted brows that he needed to talk with Seth and it was serious.

Ryan nodded and slowly shuffled out of the room, throwing a few backwards glances on his way out. As soon as Sandy saw that Ryan was halfway up the stairs, he started to talk.

"How are you doing today?"

"Okay," Seth said slowly.

"Ryan and I, we did a lot of talking this afternoon." Sandy took a deep breath. "I know that this is the worst possible thing for me to say, but Seth, I don't want you anywhere near Mitch Weider again. Do you understand me?"

"He's my friend, Dad."

"He's not your friend Seth. Your friend wouldn't give you drugs. He wouldn't get you hooked on drugs."

"Ryan doesn't know what he's talking about."

Sandy shook his head vehemently. "This is not about Ryan. Ryan is doing what he should have done after that dinner party. Mitch admitted to him that he gave you the drugs. I don't want you near him. It's not worth a relapse."

"He's a good guy," Seth said, his voice rising. "I won't use. I promise. But Mitch is a good friend."

"He's been nothing but trouble, Seth."

Kirsten swallowed, wanting to jump into the conversation, but not sure what to say. She wished Sandy had come to her first so they could discuss this. Seth was a teenager. He would go behind their backs if he was determined to see his friend and that was just too great a risk right now. It was the type of behavior that would bring him back to drug use. But she wouldn't contradict Sandy in front of Seth. They had to be a united front on this. Seth turned to Kirsten with an imploring look and she knew she had to say something.

"Seth, honey, did you get the drugs from Mitch?"

Seth blinked and nodded. "He gave me some samples. Just to try. Then I bought the rest on my own. He hooked me up with his dealer."

"Then do you think it's wise to continue being friends with him?"

"I can be friends with him and not use. I promise."

"Look," she said, putting her hand on his arm. "I know that at the NA meetings you've been just taking a back seat, but I want you to try and find the courage to talk to someone tonight and ask them what they think. Someone who's been on the road to recovery for a while. If you do that we can table the discussion for now and discuss it after the meeting."

"You think they're going to say I have to ignore Mitch."

Kirsten nodded.

"What if they don't?"

She shrugged. "Then we'll talk about it then." She looked at Sandy, who looked surprised, but not upset.

"Dad?" Seth said turning to his father.

"It's a game plan."

"Okay," Seth sighed.

"You know," Kirsten said, glancing at her watch. "Dad and Ryan had their time today. Why don't the two of you go out to dinner before the meeting? Have some SethDad time."

When she saw the grin spread on Sandy's lips she knew why she loved her husband so much. He hadn't thought of the idea, but he was genuinely thrilled at it. Seth was thrilled too. She'd talk to Sandy later and catch him up on everything. While they were out she'd take care of Ryan and check up on the baby. Kirsten wondered how she had taken care of her family while working full time.

"Let's go Seth," Sandy said, fishing his keys out of his pants pocket. "What are you in the mood for? Chinese? Mexican? Sushi?"

"How about a little of everything? Do they have any restaurants that do that? Wouldn't that be awesome?"

Seth got up and focusing on his night out with his father, quickly forgetting about the intense conversation that had just occurred moments before. Kirsten stood simultaneously with Sandy and walked around the table to kiss her husband.

"I love you," she said.

"Ditto."

"Have fun."

"We will. And thanks," he whispered. "You saved my ass in there. I went about it all wrong."

Kirsten ran her tongue over her lips, trying to hide her amusement. "That's why God created women. Come on, go," she urged, slapping his rear end. "Your son needs you."

* * *

I try not to beg for reviews, but I have thoughts about this chapter and am curious about what y'all think.


	28. Finding Their Way

_Thanks for all the wonderful feedback, in general and the last chapter.MuchTVs thanks for helping me resolve the issues with the last chapter and to storymom who pointed out something very important about Sandy and Ryan's talk. I tried to address it here. I have one more chapter and an epilogue - so the conclusion of Downward Spiral will be up soon._

_Josh, don't sue. You're weekly salary is probably more than I make in a year!_

Kirsten found Ryan in the nursery, sitting in the rocking chair, holding Christina. She stood in the doorway for a moment, just looking at her blond hair blue eyed son and the baby who bore similar coloring. Kirsten thought it was ironic that people who didn't know them from before assumed Christina looked like Ryan because like her, Christina had light hair and blue eyes.

"Hey," she said. "How are you feeling?"

Ryan looked up, with that deer-caught-in a headlight look that Kirsten hated. She knew it was Ryan's residual fear from his days in Dawn's home. She knew Ryan would never totally be rid of the pain and fear of living with Dawn, but she just wished she could reach inside of him, yank it out, and throw it deep in the ocean, where no one would ever find it again.

"I'm sorry," Ryan mumbled. "I shouldn't be holding her."

"Are you turning your head when you sneeze? Covering your mouth when you cough?"

Ryan rolled his eyes. "I'm seventeen. Not five."

"Then I think it's okay if you hold your sister. She's really old enough to handle the germs." Kirsten bent her head, so her mouth was close to Ryan's ears and said in a conspiratorial whisper, "I think the nanny overreacted last time with the mask and all." She put her fingers to her lips. "Sshh. Don't tell."

Ryan smiled, his tense shoulders visibly relaxing.

Kirsten didn't miss the red rims around Ryan's eyes or his red and puffy nose. She should never have let him go to school, but he had left the house before she could check on him, leaving through the front door and bypassing the kitchen all together where they normally gathered in the morning. She knew he had done it on purpose, so he wouldn't have to face Sandy.

Ryan felt all the muscles in his body tense again as he noticed Kirsten studying him. Someone else was going to say he looked like crap.

"Don't say it. I heard it enough today," he snapped.

"Excuse me?" Kirsten raised her brows. "Do you have something to say to me?" She didn't add young man, though it was on the tip of her tongue.

"Sorry," he quickly said, realizing that Kirsten didn't appreciate his change in attitude.

"What's wrong?" Her voice softened.

"Nothing." Ryan stood and put a now sleeping Christina down in her crib. "It's been a long day."

"I know your teacher called."

"I thought he called Sandy." He leaned against the baby's dresser fingering the bottles of lotion that were scattered on top.

"No. I called Sandy after Mr. Tolliver and I talked."

"So you're going to lecture me now? Because I've been lectured enough today."

"What has gotten into you, Ryan?" She crossed her arms over her chest, resisting the urge to tap her foot, which is exactly how her mother had reacted to her when she had copped a belligerent attitude as a teenager.

"Sorry," he mumbled again.

"It works once in a conversation this short. What's going on? I didn't have a chance to talk to Sandy before he went off with Seth. How did things go between the two of you this afternoon?"

"Fine, I guess."

"So what's with the attitude?"

He shrugged, running the teeth of the baby comb over his fingers. "I'm just in a pissy mood. It's not like my day started out that great."

"I hope it ended better. I would think you'd be relieved to finally air things out between you and Sandy."

Ryan shrugged again. "Just because I screwed up, doesn't make it all right for Sandy to say the things he did the other night." Ryan hadn't realized he had been feeling that way, until he spat out the words.

"Of course not. What did Sandy say that even gave you that impression?"

So Ryan recounted the conversation that took place on the shoulder of the freeway. Kirsten listened attentively, but knew Ryan had misunderstood.

"Okay, I don't think Sandy was trying to say it was your fault. I think he was trying to explain himself. But I'm not the one you have to hear this from. You need to talk to Sandy."

Ryan pushed himself off the dresser and angrily said, "All we do in the damn house is talk," and stalked out of the room.

Kirsten looked after him, her mouth agape. She heard his bedroom door slam shut, and sighed when the noise caused Christina to start and screech. Helplessly, Kirsten looked from her daughter to the door that had been shut in her face across the hall. She wondered if her family would ever be whole again.

* * *

"Dad, do you think our family will ever be okay again?" Seth played with the cheese oozing from his quesadilla.

"Sure." Sandy forced his voice to sound confident, even though he didn't feel all that confident.

"It doesn't feel like it. I know it's all my fault. I'm sorry."

"The family's problems are not your fault. Don't take that on your plate. You have enough dealing with your addiction."

"I'm not all that addicted." Seth looked down at his plate. Even though his food looked delicious, he just didn't have the energy to start cutting it up. He didn't have the appetite to eat. Every time he thought about all the problems he had caused between Ryan and his parents, between himself and Ryan, between him and his parents, Seth felt sick to his stomach.

"Seth," Sandy warned.

"No. No. No," Seth was quick to say. "I have a problem. I know that. I just mean, that I wasn't addicted all that long and it's not like I have the shakes and all that. I'm going to kick this."

"I know you're going to kick this." Sandy put his hand over Seth's.

"I don't know if it makes a difference. I mean, not if Ryan won't talk to me."

Sandy's brows knitted together. "What do you mean?"

"I don't think he'll forgive me."

"Ryan? Why won't he forgive you?"

"I was awful to him. He tried to help me out. He tried to get me to stop with the drugs. To talk to you. And he —"

"And he covered for you."

Seth looked down and avoided his father's gaze.

"Don't worry. Ryan's not going to get into trouble because you admitted to me that he covered for you. Ryan and I talked things out."

"Yeah. He covered for me and I kept throwing it in his face. But it's more than that. The whole time, he kept telling me how bad drugs were. That in the end it would just spiral out of control, and I wouldn't listen. He was right."

"Ryan knows about this stuff. When Trey and Ryan were arrested last year, Trey had drugs on him. So his brother probably used. We know Dawn died of an overdose. I'm sure Ryan had years of watching his mother use."

Seth hung his head, thinking about how Ryan had just wanted an angst free family. And Seth had ruined that for him. After sixteen years of living in hell, Ryan deserved what he wanted.

"The night I got arrested, Ryan wanted to have SethRyan time. He thought maybe you'd give in and let us watch a video or play a videogame, even though we were both grounded. Instead, I snuck out to be with Mitch. Why should he forgive me?"

Sandy took a sip of his water. "I won't lie to you Seth. You're going to have to work at making things right with Ryan, but don't forget when he first came to Newport you were there for him. You've always been there for Ryan. There's a very special bond between the two of you. You'll find a way to fix it. These things don't just disintegrate."

Seth nodded, hoping his father was right, but not wanting to continue the subject anymore. He tried to think of something to say that was light and funny, but Seth couldn't. He wasn't in that sort of mood, which would never have happened a few months ago. He always had something to say that would lighten the mood. Instead, Seth asked, "Dad, is being Jewish important to you?"

Sandy coughed, choking on the food that he had just swallowed. He took a sip of water. "I guess. It's always just been part of me. Sandy Cohen from the Bronx. It's not like I could hide it. My name. My features. So I just embraced it."

"But it wasn't important enough for you to marry someone Jewish."

Sandy shrugged. His eyes darted around the restaurant, looking for a clock, hoping it would indicate it was time for Seth's NA meeting. "I married for love Seth."

"Why didn't you ask mom to convert? Didn't you want your children to be Jewish?"

"What are you talking about?"

Seth shrugged and fell back in his chair. "I'm not Jewish, because Mom's not Jewish."

"You're half Jewish."

But Seth adamantly shook his head. "No such thing," he muttered.

"Where's this coming from?"

"It's something I've been chewing on for a while."

"What made you think of it?"

"Mitch—"

"I should have known. This Mitch kid is really bad news. I hope—"

"Okay." Seth held up his hands. "Let's not start this conversation again."

Sandy bit his lip, chagrined that his son had to remind him to keep his focus. "Listen, kid. I married your mom because I loved her. I didn't care that she was Protestant, Catholic, green or purple. Kirsten is the most amazing person I know. She's funny, sweet, gentle, smart, and beautiful. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. And you come from her, and even though you have my dark hair and will one day probably have my brows, you will always have bits and pieces of the most wonderful person I know. So who gives a damn if that means you're Jewish or not.

"We were never big into religion. I mean, celebrating Hanukah was about the presents and Passover is all about the brisket. We mostly do the traditions for show or to make Nana happy. I hope that I didn't mess up by not giving you something so important. I know in this day and age, some kids really benefit from having a belief system. But my belief system is in your mom. I don't need anything more than that."

Sandy breathed heavily when he was finished, trying to catch his breath. If he tried, he didn't think he could repeat what had just tumbled out of his mouth, but just looking at Seth, they appeared to take its desired effect. Was this one of the things that had been bothering Seth? One of the things that had pushed his son to use drugs? A knot formed in the pit of Sandy's stomach. He and Kirsten had always been at a loss at how to raise Seth. Religion wasn't important in either of their lives, even though they had stressed many of the Jewish traditions, like Seth's _Bar Mitzvah_. Had they confused him to the point of taking drugs?

Sensing his father's confusion, Seth took Sandy's hands and said, "it was just one of a million reasons. There was no one reason that I decided to keep taking drugs."

* * *

"Ryan, can I come in?" Kirsten knocked on his bedroom door. "Ryan?" She rapped on the door, louder, hoping to command his attention.

"I just want to be alone," he called.

"Nope. No can do. Not now. So warn me now if you're not decent, because otherwise I'm coming in." She turned the knob and stepped into the room, when he didn't say anything. "Please don't talk to me like that again. I'm just trying to help."

He looked up at his adoptive mother and then down to the comic book that was spread open on his lap. "Okay," he muttered. He was tired of apologizing, so he didn't.

"We weren't doing enough talking a few months ago. That's what got us into this mess."

"Okay."

"So were back to the monosyllables?"

He shrugged.

"Should I call Dr. Acobas and set up another appointment?"

"I have one tomorrow."

"Maybe we need to make it a family session."

"Whatever you want."

"Ryan, this attitude is wearing thin."

He clenched his teeth, refusing to apologize.

"Okay. I see this isn't going to go anywhere. I'm sorry that you won't let me help you. Maybe when you're feeling better. If you want, you can come down and eat something. I also have cold medicine in the kitchen."

Kirsten closed the door behind her, leaving a very ashamed and angry Ryan alone in his room. After a few minutes, he cast aside the comic book and followed Kirsten to the kitchen. He had changed from his school clothes and was clad in his pajamas, a pair of sweats and a white undershirt. In his haste to find Kirsten, he had forgotten to put on his slippers, and was glad he was at least wearing socks, because he was sure Kirsten would chastise him if walked into the kitchen barefoot.

Ryan found her sitting at a table, head bent in her hands. He knew saying sorry again for the millionth time that day would sound stupid, but seeing Kirsten so tired and dejected, Ryan knew he had to give it one more chance.

"I've been a jerk. Sorry."

Kirsten looked up and offered a weak smile. "Apology accepted."

Ryan returned the smile and sat down next to her in Sandy's usual place. "It's not an excuse, but I'm just sick of all this drama. I want it to be over and want things to go back to normal here."

"It'll take awhile."

"I know."

He looked out the back door to the pool, remembering the lazy days of summer, when he and Seth just lounged by the pool or on floaters in the water. He vividly recalled the water fights between him and Seth and chasing each other around the pool, even though Kirsten admonished them to be careful. He remembered having Marissa and Summer over, and playing water games with them and longing to have some private time with his girlfriend so that he could explore her scantily covered body. He wished he could turn back the clock so that it was summer and maybe he could do things differently. Maybe then he and Seth wouldn't be at war with each other.

"Do you think Seth and I will ever be all right?"

"Of course."

"He doesn't like me very much right now. And I'm not sure how much I like him."

"I don't always like my sister. But I always love her."

Ryan nodded, understanding. "I want to forgive him. But I'm mad at him. He was really an ass. I tried to—"

But Kirsten cut him off. "Seth was under the influence of drugs. He probably has a lot of issues he needs to work out. I'm not excusing his behavior. But he couldn't see that you were trying to help him. As much as Sandy… and I insist that you should have come to us, I'm not sure that we would have been able to prevent this from happening." She patted his arm. "If the two of you can repair your relationship, I think a lot of things will go back to normal here. Because the glue that holds this family together is the bond between you boys."

"No pressure. Huh?"

Kirsten laughed and threw her arms around Ryan, enveloping him in a hug.


	29. Brothers

Oh my goodness! Thanks all for voting Downward Spiral as the Best Unfininished Fic. How amazing. And now it's time for this story (novella?) come to an end. I've enjoyed writing it and I hope you enjoyed reading it. Usual disclaimers apply.

It was an unusually warm day for Newport in late November. Seth was taking a much-needed break from his studying. There was a flurry of tests and papers as the semester was coming to a close and he was scrambling to catch up so that his grades would be at least respectable. Colleges would focus on his scores from his junior year, but they would look at his current scores too. The stress was taking its toll on Seth, but proudly he could say he resisted the urge for drugs. And the urge was definitely there.

It was hard to believe that only two weeks had passed since he had been arrested and forced to face his drug problem. Seth had no time to be bored despite the fact he was grounded. Between studying, NA meetings, therapy sessions with Dr. Acobas, both individual and family ones, his free time was all booked up. It also didn't leave much time to talk to Ryan and try and work things out.

Ryan avoided him. He wasn't pointedly ignoring Seth. He answered his brother's questions, came looking for things Seth may have borrowed, and tried to work out how they were getting to school when Kirsten said she needed her car. But if Seth was in the family room studying, Ryan found another spot to do his work. If Seth was in the kitchen fixing a snack, Ryan waited until his brother was done before going in or came to the kitchen did what he needed to do without a word. It made Seth feel like the outcast he had been before Ryan had come to Newport.

So Seth was surprised that Ryan came out to the pool, knowing that Seth was there. He put his bare feet into the pool and kicked at the water.

"The water feels nice," Ryan said quietly.

"It is. You should come in."

Ryan sniffed. "Kirsten would kill me. She yelled at me when I came through the kitchen barefoot."

"She's back to being a mother hen." Seth grinned.

Ryan rolled his eyes. "You're loving every minute of it."

Seth shrugged. "I won't deny the truth. Mom is back to herself. Wheeling and dealing with Grandpa. Annoying us. What else could I ask for?"

"It would be nice if we could be all right again."

Seth caught his breath. That had been his line for the past week. But Ryan hadn't wanted to meet him halfway. Seth had started to give up, thinking things would never be all right between them, and just ready to move on despite it. Was Ryan finally willing to forgive him?

Seth turned, purposely falling off his floater so that he could climb out of the pool and sit next to Ryan.

"I wish I could change how I acted."

"You can't."

"I know and I'm sorry. You were being a pain, but I know you were looking out for me."

"I didn't want you to be like Trey or my mother and you almost went there."

"I wasn't a very nice person."

Ryan shook his head in agreement.

"I know sorry isn't enough, but I don't know how to make it up to you. I'm not using the drugs anymore, and I swear Ryan that's what was making me act like that."

"Oh come on. You were being a prick, even before you were addicted. When I first met Mitch you acted like a royal jerk and you had only used a couple of times."

Seth bit his bottom lip. "Hindsight is twenty/twenty. You were dissing my friend when I didn't see a problem. I mean, how would you like it if last year I told Marissa to stay away from you, because she drank too much?"

"Point taken."

"So how do we fix it?"

"We don't. It's like with Sandy, we can't go back. We can just go on."

"Brothers?" Seth stuck out his hand.

Ryan grinned mischievously. "Brothers." He accepted Seth's hand, pretended to pull him in a hug so that he could throw Seth into the pool.

"Oh no. You're coming with me," yelled Seth. He grabbed his brother's leg and pulled a fully clothed Ryan with him.

The splashing and giggling caught Kirsten's attention. She walked over to the glass door, cradling a cup of ice coffee in her hands. Her motherly instinct told her to get Ryan out of the pool, because he had just gotten over a cold, but she quashed her instincts. She hadn't seen Seth and Ryan have this much fun together since early summer. They were finally mending fences and who was she to get in the way.

"They look like they're having fun."

"Dad." Kirsten jumped. "I didn't hear the bell ring."

Caleb shrugged. "I let myself in." He put a hand on Kirsten's right shoulder. "Seth looks happy again. So does Ryan."

"We're getting there." She turned around. "How can I help you?"

Caleb shrugged, keeping his gaze fixed on the boys out in the pool. "Why didn't you tell me that Andrew Weider's son was responsible for Seth's drug problem?"

Kirsten sighed. "Because Seth is responsible for his own actions."

"But Weider's son was the one who gave Seth the drugs in the first place. Introduced him to it. Introduced him to his dealer."

"Yes. He is."

"And you didn't see fit to tell me that?"

Kirsten recognized the careful controlled voice her father was using. As a child, it had frightened her. Now it annoyed her that he was using it with her even though she was an adult with teenage children. She didn't feel like being rebuked. And she didn't feel like answering to her father about how she and Sandy chose to deal with Seth's problems.

"Who told you about Mitch Weider?" Kirsten walked over to the coffee maker to fill her mug with more coffee.

"Believe it or not, Sandford. And I'm glad. I was about to go into a business deal with Andrew Weider."

"About? What do you mean Dad? What do Seth's problems have to do with your business deals?"

"I'm not about to help a bunch of drug pushers to make a lot of money, even if it's at a loss to me." Caleb crossed the kitchen to stand near his daughter.

"That's ridiculous. If you back out of the deal now, you're going to take a huge hit. Can you afford it? Things at the Newport Group are precarious at best. This Riverside deal was important. It was supposed to turn things around."

Kirsten and Caleb were so deep in conversation they didn't notice that the splashing had stopped and that the boys had emerged from the pool.

"Kirsten, I don't care. I want to wash our hands of the Weiders. I want them out of our lives once and for all."

"It's not smart business Dad," Kirsten insisted. "And frankly, you can't blame Andrew Weider for his son's mistakes any more than you can blame Sandy or I for Seth taking drugs. At some point our children have to take responsibility for their own actions."

"Uh oh, Ryan. I think we walked in on something."

"Yeah. We'll go around the other way," offered Ryan.

"You're dripping all over the place," Kirsten said, irritably. "Just go upstairs quickly and change."

"I was trying to do that." But Ryan didn't move.

"So, you guys were talking about me?"

"Not really, Seth. We're talking about the Riverside deal. You did come up though," she amended, realizing Seth had heard part of the conversation and would know she was lying.

"Oh." Seth looked at his grandfather. "You mean you found out that Mitch's dad knew about my drug use?"

"What?" Kirsten spluttered.

Caleb grabbed Kirsten by the arm, because she looked like she was about to lynch someone. From the corner of his eye, he noticed Ryan's face go pale. He wasn't sure if it was because Ryan had known and was afraid of being found out or because he hadn't know anything.

"Seth, explain," demanded Caleb.

Seth's shoulder's visibly sagged and a shiver went up and down his spine. He wrapped the towel tightly around his chest. Water was dripping from his wet suit forming a small puddle around his feet.

"Mitch and I were once smoking a joint in his room and his dad walked in. I thought for sure he'd call you Mom. But instead he just yelled at Mitch, telling him how stupid he was and how he was jeopardizing his business deal. Next thing I know, the Riverside deal is going through."

"The bastard!"

"Dad, calm down. You're going to have a stroke."

"You still believe we should go through with the deal, Kiki?"

Kirsten sighed. "It's business Dad. It's not personal." She heard a cough, and turned to see a dripping Ryan still standing there in his wet clothes. "Ryan, you're going to get sick again if you don't change out those wet clothes. Go change. Now."

"Okay." He ducked and ran past Kirsten, avoiding her glare, even though he knew it really wasn't aimed at him.

"Seth you too."

"Mom, don't be mad."

"I'm not mad Seth. I just wish you had decided to stay away from Mitch."

"What do you mean?" Caleb bellowed. "You still let that boy near your son."

"It's Seth's choice, Dad."

When Seth had returned from the NA meeting, the night Sandy had insisted Seth stay away from Mitch, he was still adamant about maintaining his friendship. Sandy and Kirsten had tried to dissuade him from his decision. They had discussed it with Dr. Acobas at family therapy, but he wouldn't change his mind. So Sandy and Kirsten had let it go. Seth was grounded anyway. His time with Mitch would be limited to school time. And Dr. Acobas had agreed forbidding Seth from staying friends with Mitch would likely push their son to do exactly what they didn't want.

"You're being ridiculous Kiki. You and Sandy need to grow a spine and forbid Seth from even talking to that delinquent."

"Dad, you had your chance to be a parent. Don't tell me how to be one. Do whatever you want with the Riverside deal. But leave me and my family out of it. Seth," she turned to her son, "Go. Change."

"Yes ma'am."

But Seth went to Ryan's room instead. "Yeah. So I left a couple of facts out."

His brother was wearing a dry pair of slacks but his chest was bare. "Just a little fact." He held up his thumb and forefinger holding them slightly apart.

Seth imitated him. "Just a little fact."

Ryan rummaged through his drawers, looking for a clean shirt. "I thought Caleb was going to pop a vein in his forehead."

"He still might."

"Julie will be happy. She'll inherit."

"I can't believe I just blurted that out. I never intended that anyone else know about that."

"Mitch is toast."

"Should I warn him?"

"No."

"You would say that."

"I have no sympathy for the guy."

"What do you think is going to happen?"

"I don't know."

They found out two days later. The Harbor campus was quiet. It seemed like every student's head was bent over a book. For a change Ryan and Seth had arrived at school with more than a few minutes to spare. Summer was off in a corner trying to memorize a few last minute facts. Marissa hadn't arrived yet. Ryan sat near by at a table with his notebook open trying to study for a pop quiz, but he knew he couldn't cram one more fact about the government and politics into his head. So he put his head down, hoping to absorb facts through osmosis.

"Hey."

Ryan looked up at the sound of Mitch Weider's voice.

"Hey man," returned Seth.

"So how's it going?"

"It's going."

Mitch nervously glanced at Ryan, expecting him to jump up and punch him in the gut. "I don't k now if you heard, but your grandfather called off the Riverside deal."

"Uh, yeah," Seth answered. "I did."

"My dad blew a gasket. Especially when Mr. Nichol called him a drug dealer. Anyway, my dad decided to ship me back to New York. I'm leaving as soon as the semester is over."

"Your mom is okay with it?"

Mitch shook his head. "She's enrolled me in some military school. But she agreed I could stay by her for vacation."

"That was generous."

Mitch nodded. "Anyway, I just wanted to say I'm sorry." He didn't give Seth a chance to answer. He turned around and walked away.

Ryan, who hadn't said a word during the entire exchange, looked after the receding figure. And he suddenly felt sorry for Mitch Weider, because like him a year-and-a-half ago, the boy had no one to turn to and no hope. His parents were abandoning him, but Mitch didn't have wonderful people like the Cohens to take him in. He turned to Seth, but didn't have to say anything. Seth could see what he was feeling.

"You okay?" Ryan asked.

"Everyone will be happy. Mitch Weider is out of our lives."

"Yeah, but you still have all the baggage he saddled you with."

"Mitch was just an excuse Ryan. He's not the reason any of this happened. I am. I'm taking responsibility for what I did with drugs and what I did to our family."

"Good. And now we can just focus on being normal."

"Dude, you're talking about the Cohens. That's an oxymoron."

Summer came over. "The bell's about to ring. We should get going. We can't wait for Marissa to get here."

"Okay."

Seth and Ryan gathered their books.

"You guys look okay again."

The boys turned to each other. Ryan offered his patent sideways look and Seth raised his brows.

"Are we okay?" Seth asked.

"We're okay," Ryan agreed.

"But is she okay? Owe!" Seth rubbed his shoulder, where Summer swatted him. "Girl, you need to meet with our therapist to deal with those rage blackouts."

They were all laughing as the bell rang signaling the start of another school day.


	30. Photo Shoot

Epilogue

"Seth, you promised. Please cooperate." Kirsten tried to suppress the whine out of her voice.

"I am cooperating."

"The deal was," Sandy reminded his first-born, "that you do this how your mother wants and then over the holidays we let you out on parole."

"What do I get?" Ryan held up the matching sweater that Kirsten expected them to wear.

"A kiss?"

"I was holding out for a car."

"Oh, you'll have to do a lot more for that," said Kirsten. "Okay, boys, put on the sweaters. The photographer won't wait forever."

"Mom, they match. This is dorky."

"No it's not. It's cute. I even had someone knit Christina Hope a matching sweater. It'll be adorable."

"Dad," Seth turned to his father. "Help me out here. It took me sixteen years to emerge from outcast status. This picture, which may I remind you will end up on your holiday cards, can set back all that hard work. In just a snap." He snapped his fingers to drive the point home.

"One word Seth. Parole. Make your mother happy and you get paroled."

"That's…" Seth quietly counted on his fingers. "Nine words."

"Parole is not sounding like such a good idea right now," warned Sandy.

"Again," Ryan interjected, "What do I get for humiliating myself like this?"

"Our undying gratitude?" Kirsten said with a sigh.

"I was hoping for something more substantial."

"Mrs. Cohen, the baby is ready." Mrs. Rothman walked into the living room and handed Kirsten the baby.

"Mrs. Cohen," the photographer cleared his throat. It seemed like they had forgotten she was even there. "I have an appointment in less than an hour. If you want these pictures in time for the holidays…"

"Okay." She turned to Seth and Ryan. "Boys. Sweaters. Now." She pointed her finger at them. "Sit. Fireplace."

Ryan and Seth hastily donned the matching sweaters and sat by the fireplace, not willing to tangle with Kirsten when her sentences were reduced to one word. Sandy joined them and Kirsten followed with the baby in hand.

While the photographer was busy arranging the family, Seth leaned over and whispered to his brother, "The Kirsten was no longer amused."

"No she was not."

"Do you think we can get her not to give this to Grandpa and Julie."

"I say we offer to hand deliver it. And do something with it on the way. Marissa will not see this picture."

"Ryan," snapped Kirsten. "Pay attention. The photographer asked you to scoot closer to Sandy."

"Sorry." He slid over until his leg was touching Sandy's.

"Mom," whined Seth. "Can we do a few without the sweaters? Please."

"Okay. Fine," she sighed. "Just a few shots. But I'm not promising we'll use any."

"Just give it a chance. That's all I ask."

But Seth and Ryan only needed to communicate with their eyes. They knew the plan. Sabotage. Without warning as soon as the photographer said three Seth crossed his eyes. Ryan stuck his tongue out in the second picture. Seth blew out his cheeks in the other. The photographer glared at them and Kirsten kept looking at them and asking, "Are you boys behaving?"

But they innocently said of course.

Sandy bit his lip, hiding his smile.

"Maybe it's time we try and take off those sweaters," suggested the photographer.

Seth and Ryan didn't wait for Kirsten to agree. They cast the offending sweaters aside, combed their hair back in place with their fingers and sat primly for the photographer.

"Say Cheese."

"Cheese," the boys called out simultaneously, looking as innocent as angels.

Five minutes later they were done, the photographer promising he would have the pictures back to them in two days. Kirsten tried to glare at her sons, but instead she broke out in a grin. She passed a squirming baby to Seth so that she could prepare a bottle.

"I'm not blind. You better pray we find a picture for the card," she called from the kitchen.

Sandy followed her and nuzzled her neck from behind.

"They're incorrigible, Sandy."

"They are." He nibbled at her earlobe.

"We can't let them get away with it."

"Boys will be boys. You didn't really expect them to wear those sissy sweaters. Did you? And let you hang the photo in the house? Send it around as a Holiday card?"

"Say that again?"

"Which part?"

"The boys will be boys." She leaned back, falling into Sandy's arms. "Did you think last month that we'd be arguing about holiday pictures and their wardrobes?"

Sandy smiled. "No. I didn't." And he took his wife in his arms and kissed her deep and full on the lips. They're family was finally on the mend.

* * *

FIN. Thanks again!


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